Pizza Gym

Do you think a gym should serve pizza, bagels and tootsie rolls to its members? If so, you would love Planet Fitness. Aside from the massive carbs and refined sugar, 1/3 of their members are completely unaware of their surroundings as they are blinded by their cell phone addiction and deaf from the ear buds in their heads. Ask them a question, they are literally not there. This occurs in a place where there are 45lb free weights being moved around and stacked among the deaf, dumb, blind and refined sugar junkies addicted to electromagnetic devices.

Why are these people in a gym? Is Planet Fitness really a gym or is it something else? The row of televisions projecting blue light is the glue that binds the hapless membership. As I walked in for my workout, I asked the attendant at the front desk about my concerns. He seemed stressed as he had to actually think and foment a cogent response to a customer. The employees stress was further increased by the fact that he had a live human being asking a question he had to respond to. I finally told him "...don't worry about it - I'll go on on-line and fill out a survey..." He immediately went back to his comfort zone of staring into a computer monitor. Our new comfort is delusional screen time and not communicating with each other-even when it is your job.

Cell phones within the workout area need to be banned. Pizza, bagels and tootsie rolls need to be thrown in the dumpster. Employees that cannot communicate on a 6th grade level with customers need to be fired. Do all Planet Fitness locations have the same issues? If not, I suggest they get in line with the cognitive dissonance rolled out in the one where I live. Planet Fitness has their own television channel. They play videos. One of them is an advertisement for Febreeze. It tells people to spray Febreeze on their shoes, gym bags and work out gear. This is one of the worst pieces of advice that can be given. The chemicals in Febreeze should not be inhaled in a workout setting where ones heart rate and respiration are quadrupled. This is downright dangerous. What kind of alleged "gym" would do this to their membership?

The problem is that I like this gym, it has all the best equipment and is close to my house. The layout is good and there is a lot of space. $10.00 per month is a small price to pay for this. I just cannot understand the mixed message and downright harm they are causing their membership. Planet Fitness needs to incorporate smoothies, veggie trays and organic chips into their feeding regimen. This would make a helluva a lot more sense , after all they are a gym, not a fast food restaurant. Why are they feeding people anyway? People need to eat less when they work out, not more. I think they have succumbed to the politically correct mentality that has been plaguing the nation over the last decade. They are trying to accommodate those that do not work out, those that need the illusion of a Starbucks like social experiment and people that just cannot put down their damned phones for one minute. Enough! Just be a gym, leave the wrong headed societal crap behind and help people get in shape- not eat themselves into a false notion of what a workout should be.

Hotel Survey

What did you like about your stay?

There was a 12 inch hair on the edge of the bath tube. I noticed this after I took a shower. Sheets are crumbling apart. Your definition of a "Suite" is an L- shaped jail cell. I felt dirty when I woke up. I was glad to leave. The continental breakfast is loaded with bad stuff for you - carbs, aspartame, high fructose corn syrup, etc. Are you trying to poison me? I sent a picture of the hair to the night attendant and asked for an additional 500 points to be added to my IHG card. I asked for confirmation, never got it. I need you to add an additional 500 points to my IHG card. I need you to confirm this for me within 24 hrs.  I will never stay at  your alleged "hotel" again.

What do you think would make your next stay better?

Well, to begin with, you can bulldoze the facility and turn it into a park. This will improve the community and remove the clear and present danger of your facility.  Next, you can lose the name "Candlewood" completely. It is a contrived name with no significance except the implication of wood burning and arson. Third, you can fire your entire house keeping staff and never employ them in your company again. Fourth, your management team is unresponsive and uncaring - they too need to be fired immediately. Management is responsible for this travesty and the continuation of your establishment is as an alleged hotel is borderline criminal. The local health department needs to be contacted and an injunction needs to be issued to Cease and Desist all hotel functions immediately. You are hurting the community and need to be stopped before more dire implications of your dangerous scheme are perpetrated upon innocent travelers.

What do you think would make your next stay better?

De-Vice

De-Vice-to lose ones vice. Hence it needs to be so with our new found wonderland of interconnected, real time, HD, bluetooth  accessible, WiFi infiltrated, 5G kill grid, overamplified cell phone tower installations and all other weaponized platforms to put an end to humanity.

Turn off your blue light function on your cell phone. Lose the wireless routher. Go ethernet cable.

Turning 50?

Welcome I say, Welcome...I am 53 so I believe I am well versed in this topic and have some insights to share with you.

The first thing is - don't worry - at least your not turning 60! You will now have a much finer and refined perception of everyone who is only one year older than you. Your mind will tell you, "....shit, he or she is older than me..! what a relief!.." The realm of 50 somethings is akin to the teenage years whereby every year seems like a drastic difference and everyone is immediately judged as to their age status. This is normal in the human condition. It sucks, but it's normal.

You will sense a wide chasm, an abyss if you will, between you and everyone under the age of 30. They will appear as alien shape-shifters from another dimension that not only cannot be understood but they are always wrong, don't know shit and most likely need to be put sternly in their place. Hatred is a very strong word however these feelings will arise, once again, perfectly normal and it does suck.

Knowing that you are know officially 'Over the Hill' and closer to retirement age than your care free 30's is a heavy realization. You will feel a sense of mortality creeping in. Is there a God? Is there life after death? What happens when I die...? How long will I live?....Did I refill that statin prescription..? Man I hope I don't end up with some hideous incurable disease and lose all sense of motor and bowel control... These as well as an abundance of other questions and concerns will have you pondering your fate and ultimate demise. Enjoy!

Time is a curious thing and we all know it seems to move faster the older you get. Realize this- it doesn't only seem to move faster - it actually does! When you are one year old, one year is 100% of your life. When you are 5 years old, one year is 20% of your life. Do the math. When you are 50, one year is 1/50th of your life and so on and so on. Time really is moving faster for you now, embrace the accelerated ride to your death!

Has your vision gotten better? Probably not. This is the situation with all of us 50 somethings. Where are my damned glasses!? I thought I left them over here..wait a second, they're over here! Feel good that your memory is not yet completely shot to hell. You need to begin to embrace the little victories like finding your glasses, not feeling hungover and having some form of financial stability. It is all you have left.

Remember when birthdays were fun and care free? Not anymore. Your head will drop down a little, you will try not to think about it and maybe even curse people that send you birthday cards- especially if they are younger than you. Birthdays are just another reminder of how little time you have left to live.

The above listed mental aberrations can be offset in a surprising number of ways. First off, realize that you are now completely free to speak your mind to anyone, anytime about anything, for you are over 50 and officially don't give a rats ass about what anyone thinks or feels. Be thankful that you were raised in an internet free, pre-digital world. There are many advantages to this. You were more active , learned to speak to people and look them in the eye. You developed a keener sense of intuition and can smell bullshit a mile away. You know what it was like to have to go to a library, check out a book, write a check and probably have developed a strong work ethic, unlike your poor bastard under 30 clueless idiots. Moving out of your parents house was seen as an obligation around age 18 or 20, not a fear -ridden drudgery whereby you clinged to mom and dads house until you are 26 and have no sense of purpose other than useless texting and no ambition.

Privacy, in all of its forms is probably important to you. People under 30 don't even know what it is. They willfully give up all vestiges of it to post meaningless bullshit on twitter and Facebook just to be better surveilled, classified and watched by the NSA and their cronies. They are truly some stupid M'er F'ers..You will feel a sick joy in this fact. F'em, they are on their own.

The best thing about turning 50 and beyond is that you begin to dispense with the meaningless trivialities of life. The real important stuff like family, interpersonal relationships, and letting go of the unnecessary become paramount and this is a good thing. Enjoy your new found freedom to be the Natural Person you were born to be. Now the fun starts....