1. The economy will continue to stall and sputter, unemployment (officially) will increase to 11.25%, unofficially, it will remain above 22%, (accounting for all underemployed, those that just gave up and those that have run out of benefits and are off the grid).
2. War with Iran by the fall. This will be conducted through drone attacks and other high tech weaponry to prevent 'boots on the ground'.
3. Average price of gasoline will settle around $5.25 per gallon.
4. Packers win the Superbowl.
5. Food prices contiune to escalate, essentially doubling what they are today, December 31st, 2011.
6. Electric cars are realized as an epic fail and a push towards hybrids is seen as a viable solution.
7. The federal government continues its nanny state tactics by instituting TSA checkpoints and security gates in football arenas and other public spaces.
8. The banking takeover will continue as banks further restrict lending and look to confiscate more property nationwide. Banks begin merging with Wal Mart and other retail outlets and push for an escalation of the cashless society.
8. The concept of aerial drone surveillance is 'sold' to the American public as a 'safety' issue and good for our overall welfare. Major cities begin to draw up plans to have 24/7 drone surveillance.
9. Food stamp issuance will increase by 20%, bringing the number of food stamp recipients to 80 million nationwide.
10. High Speed Internet connection in the home will begin providing all media, displacing cable and satellite service.
11. Smart phones get less expensive and more purchases are made with them further escalating the cashless society.
12. Having more than $500 cash on you at any time is seen as suspicious and can be grounds for a warrant less search of your vehicle or premises.
13. Books will continue being replaced with electronic media.
14. The unemployed will begin to be seen as a 'sub-class' of people and the federal and state government will begin to require mandatory work camps and and administrative duties to aid the bankrupt municipalities and states. Downsized government workers get replaced with the unemployed at a fraction of their pay. This is hailed as 'progress' to keep the cities and states from going completely insolvent.
15. Vehicle registration fees, property taxes, licensing - all double to make up for the shortfall.
16. More retailers and grocery stores go under and we have less choice about where to shop.
17. Depression, anxiety and mental illness all increase exponentially- making it a boom for the pharmaceutical industry however a complete bust for the health of the American public.
18. People will travel less, (already evident in the last 10 years). No one can afford to go anywhere.
19. Having a good job will be seen as an upper class entitlement - they will be rare and the competition for them will be fierce.
20. The dollar will continue to plummet in value. Income less than $50,000 a year for a family of 4 will be seen as poverty level.
21. Alcohol sales will skyrocket. Gambling will increase. The lottery business as well as any form of gambling will increase.
22. Health insurance will be more difficult to qualify for. Underwriting requirements will tighten and cheaper, HMO type plans will be offered in a herding mentality and sold as a way to "get the health benefits you need at a price you can afford". These plans will not cover much, there will be limitations for certain illnesses, waiting and exclusionary periods and limited networks. The uneducated public will glom on to these plans and feel good about 'having health insurance'- all the while unaware of the plans limitations.
23. People with the ability to do so will leave the country. Retirees will opt for Belize, Mexico or the Philippines. Businesses will also continue to leave from fear of the corporate tax and all other manner of taxation and regulation. It will become too expensive to do business in the United States.
24. The federal govt will begin scanning your laptop and personal data devices at airports- this will be a precursor to same type searches by the police when pulled over or questioned. Information gleaned from these searches will be complied in central data banks to be held against you when applying for health, life or property insurance.
25. IVP 6 - the "internet of things" is already in existence and will be officially rolled out in 2012. Everything will have a computer chip in it, most will not even be visible. This will allow your trash to be scanned- already being done in Cleveland Ohio- and all items accounted for and downloaded to create predictive behavior algorithms assigned to your person, address and family. This information about you and your family will be third partied to the corporate world for risk assessment, advertising and all other manner of potential corporate gain at your expense.
26. Everything you buy on a credit or debit card is already being downloaded and saved to create a 'profile' about you and your habits. Cable and satellite companies have been doing this for years and the trend is to increase the surveillance of their customer base. All of this data will be merged with the above example and sold to the highest bidder.
27. Key card locks will be introduced as 'safer' than traditional keys. These key cards will operate much the same as a credit card although they will time date stamp all of your comings and goings and, as above, eventually end up in the hands of the highest bidder. These records (and the above) will all be seen as admissible in a court of law- opening up a whole new venue for attorneys to further exasperate their already outrageous fees.
28. Prison overcrowding will become such a problem that violent felons will be early released creating a new crime wave.
29. The constitutional nature of our government will be further eroded with more 'super committees' and the like and Congress and the Senate will be seen essentially as sycophants for the superclass of corporate leaders who will dictate how this country rolls into the future.
30. Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
"I'll be home (with In Laws) for Christmas..."
(Set to the rythym of 'I'll Be Home For Christmas')
I'll - be home- with - In---Laws...
Home with them to stay...
I'l - be - with -mis-e-rable in lawwws....
If only it wasn't please staaaayyyy
They can take their draaa-maa..take it far awayyyyy...
They can take their draaa-maaa..please take it- a-way- todayyy,,,
Leave your ign- ro-rant -state---ments..
Leave them - at - the - doooorrr...
When your mouth is moving - its- pain - ful...
You - are - worse- then - a borrrrre...
You're - making me want to drink more...
I reall-y dont- want- to....
If - you - dont- leave - I'll get --drunk...
And my next morning - is - screwed.....
So please now - leave - us -quiclky...
Leave - i beg - of thee...
Please now leave us quick - ly
Take- your dra-ma- and -post haste cease....
I'll - be home- with - In---Laws...
Home with them to stay...
I'l - be - with -mis-e-rable in lawwws....
If only it wasn't please staaaayyyy
They can take their draaa-maa..take it far awayyyyy...
They can take their draaa-maaa..please take it- a-way- todayyy,,,
Leave your ign- ro-rant -state---ments..
Leave them - at - the - doooorrr...
When your mouth is moving - its- pain - ful...
You - are - worse- then - a borrrrre...
You're - making me want to drink more...
I reall-y dont- want- to....
If - you - dont- leave - I'll get --drunk...
And my next morning - is - screwed.....
So please now - leave - us -quiclky...
Leave - i beg - of thee...
Please now leave us quick - ly
Take- your dra-ma- and -post haste cease....
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
How to Buy a Car With Less Than Perfect Credit
Buying a car doesn't have to be a miserable experience. It has been for me however I learned how to deal with lying, duplicitous and soulless car dealers and offer the following as a public service to those with little or no credit who must purchase a vehicle.
The first obvious thing to be aware of is how much can you afford per month and what type of car, (new or used) , do you think you want. New/used is a category I'll assign to vehicles with very little mileage on them that are 1 -2 years old or even less than a year old.
Begin your search based solely on price and mileage. Don't even consider what type of car it is - it doesn't matter. Allow yourself a price range say $3500 - $12000. This will bring you a lot of options from autotrader.com, craigslist or the like. Look only at vehicles from a dealer, they retain a shred of liability when you drive it of the lot. Start realizing what body styles and features you are comfortable with and find a new/used vehicle that might suit your needs. Remember that this is a process takes 1-2 weeks, if you're lucky.
When you find the new/used vehicle with acceptable pricing print out the 'deal' that you saw on the internet and take it to the dealer. Walk in and portray fake enthusiasm about the vehicle. Take it for a test drive. Sit down with the sales rep and let them run your credit. Play up the trade in value of your car. Let them get excited at the prospect of a 'sale'. Your intention here is to bait them into thinking that you are buying today, you just gotta get financed. You have no intention of buying anything today. They will eagerly scurry around and get you over to the finance manager to review your 'options'. The finance manager will act as you are a steak dinner to be consumed. Play along. His first 'offer' will be the most insulting thing to your intelligence you will probably ever see. Steady yourself. Tell him that the $454 or the $380 payment just won't do and you were thinking more along the lines of $325. He will hem and haw and show you more insulting, bogus, interest rate rape numbers. Now, you sit back, put your hands behind your head and tell him"..you know I really like that car..I just have to get my payment lower, whats my interest rate on these scenarios?" He will stare at you like you have three eyes. When the finance raper reluctantly shows you 14.25%, 13.9% and 12.9% - tell him - no way...can you do it near at least 7 or 8%? Remember- he thinks he has a sale! He will furrow his brow and act like a spoiled little bitch however he is now working hard to get the 'deal'. He might even get up and walk back to his little desk...let him, he's probably 100 lbs overweight and needs the exercise. He will eventually come back and say , Ok, I think we can do 8.9%. You then say "..wait a minute- let me call my wife.." Of course the wife's response is "no way, no how, not for that car". You then feign embarrassment and ask him to put the contingent 8.9% in writing, or at least get a copy of it and leave. You now have evidence of what percentage rate these shifty, greedy scum of the earth dealers will be able to give you when pressed.
Now its time to find the car you want. Going with a Japanese or Korean model will probably give you the highest dollar value. Look for dealers that are at least 50 miles from your home- you'll see why later.
Try to find a same year as present or one year old vehicle, under warranty that they have not yet sold and will need to get rid of because the new models arrive. If you live on a coast, look at dealers that are further inland - they are usually in economically depressed areas and will negotiate better with you. Plus, they are less stressed and more relaxed. You will probably find a car that is the only one on the lot that is a 'loss leader' at $3-4000 under MSRP. Go for that car if you're OK with the features, body style, etc. Print out the deal from the internet and go to look at that car only. The best case scenario is that it is new, under warranty yet discounted to move and attract people to the dealership. It can also be new and a year old, its still 'new'. Test drive the car. Complain about it. Ask why upgraded features are not in it. Set a tone of general disagreement with everything they say. Never agree with them about anything. Refer back to the internet 'deal' that you have now presented to them. Look for a similar car with upgrades already on it for near the same price. Keep quoting the price you have in your hand. Stick to it and don't waver. Watch them scramble like rats in a sewer. Eventually you will settle either on the original car or something similar.
Now the fun begins! Set aside at least a half a day or more for the dealership circus from hell. The 'sales agent', i.e. lying son of a bitch, will do his little dance for you then hand you off to the finance thief. The finance thief will repeat the scenario from above and you will sign off on a high interest loan with little or no reservation, (all part of the plan). Take the car home. Remember - 'home' is at least 50 miles away. You just drove a 'new' car off the lot. Instant 20% decrease in value. Now that new car will have over 100 miles on it when you bring it back. It aint 'new' anymore!! Hold the car overnight , then call the scum bag dealer the next morning at 9am sharp. Tell him there is no way you can own this car at the rate you signed on, sound pissed and tell him you are bringing it back RIGHT NOW, unless you give me 8.9%. Tell him "Ford was going to finance me for $1200 more than this amount at 8.9% and I will just go over there..." Listen for the stuttering, stammering crook throw up objections like his life depended on it. He will say"...just give me till lunch and I'll make some calls.." Hang up forcibly. The finance grifter will call you back in less than an hour and match that percentage rate. He will now be kissing your ass seven ways from Sunday and will promise you it will only take five minutes to change the paperwork.
When you arrive at the gates of hell dealership look upset. Make them get you coffee. Tell them you haven't slept all night, your wife threw the keys at you and you might get divorced over it. Let there be no room for these cockroaches to squirm through. Watch them sweat, they deserve it. Go over the new contract in painstaking detail. Make the hapless fool re-explain everything to you. Ask for a better rate, make them show you the credit denials and explain to you further why you have to be killed with interest. Finally, reluctantly sign the new contract. Walk out of the pit of hell slowly and look angered. Watch them get out of your way. Count the number of times they call you 'sir' and look down upon them. They deserve every insulting leer and every haughty eyed stare you can give them - they know they are in the nether regions of human existence - treat them as such. If they offer a post buyer satisfaction survey - take it and shred them beyond recognition. Let them know your pain and how cruel they are to humanity at large..Let them know what a negative impact they have on society and how deeply wrong their business practices are. Take the next step and accuse them of financial terrorism and let them know that you will be reporting them to the State and the Better Business Bureau for the miserable experience that you had to endure. It's the right thing to do. They deserve nothing less...
Car dealerships, used car lots, bad car deals, dishonest dealerships, high interest rate auto loans, auto loans, dealer problems, bait and switch, bogus rebates, illegal car selling activities
The first obvious thing to be aware of is how much can you afford per month and what type of car, (new or used) , do you think you want. New/used is a category I'll assign to vehicles with very little mileage on them that are 1 -2 years old or even less than a year old.
Begin your search based solely on price and mileage. Don't even consider what type of car it is - it doesn't matter. Allow yourself a price range say $3500 - $12000. This will bring you a lot of options from autotrader.com, craigslist or the like. Look only at vehicles from a dealer, they retain a shred of liability when you drive it of the lot. Start realizing what body styles and features you are comfortable with and find a new/used vehicle that might suit your needs. Remember that this is a process takes 1-2 weeks, if you're lucky.
When you find the new/used vehicle with acceptable pricing print out the 'deal' that you saw on the internet and take it to the dealer. Walk in and portray fake enthusiasm about the vehicle. Take it for a test drive. Sit down with the sales rep and let them run your credit. Play up the trade in value of your car. Let them get excited at the prospect of a 'sale'. Your intention here is to bait them into thinking that you are buying today, you just gotta get financed. You have no intention of buying anything today. They will eagerly scurry around and get you over to the finance manager to review your 'options'. The finance manager will act as you are a steak dinner to be consumed. Play along. His first 'offer' will be the most insulting thing to your intelligence you will probably ever see. Steady yourself. Tell him that the $454 or the $380 payment just won't do and you were thinking more along the lines of $325. He will hem and haw and show you more insulting, bogus, interest rate rape numbers. Now, you sit back, put your hands behind your head and tell him"..you know I really like that car..I just have to get my payment lower, whats my interest rate on these scenarios?" He will stare at you like you have three eyes. When the finance raper reluctantly shows you 14.25%, 13.9% and 12.9% - tell him - no way...can you do it near at least 7 or 8%? Remember- he thinks he has a sale! He will furrow his brow and act like a spoiled little bitch however he is now working hard to get the 'deal'. He might even get up and walk back to his little desk...let him, he's probably 100 lbs overweight and needs the exercise. He will eventually come back and say , Ok, I think we can do 8.9%. You then say "..wait a minute- let me call my wife.." Of course the wife's response is "no way, no how, not for that car". You then feign embarrassment and ask him to put the contingent 8.9% in writing, or at least get a copy of it and leave. You now have evidence of what percentage rate these shifty, greedy scum of the earth dealers will be able to give you when pressed.
Now its time to find the car you want. Going with a Japanese or Korean model will probably give you the highest dollar value. Look for dealers that are at least 50 miles from your home- you'll see why later.
Try to find a same year as present or one year old vehicle, under warranty that they have not yet sold and will need to get rid of because the new models arrive. If you live on a coast, look at dealers that are further inland - they are usually in economically depressed areas and will negotiate better with you. Plus, they are less stressed and more relaxed. You will probably find a car that is the only one on the lot that is a 'loss leader' at $3-4000 under MSRP. Go for that car if you're OK with the features, body style, etc. Print out the deal from the internet and go to look at that car only. The best case scenario is that it is new, under warranty yet discounted to move and attract people to the dealership. It can also be new and a year old, its still 'new'. Test drive the car. Complain about it. Ask why upgraded features are not in it. Set a tone of general disagreement with everything they say. Never agree with them about anything. Refer back to the internet 'deal' that you have now presented to them. Look for a similar car with upgrades already on it for near the same price. Keep quoting the price you have in your hand. Stick to it and don't waver. Watch them scramble like rats in a sewer. Eventually you will settle either on the original car or something similar.
Now the fun begins! Set aside at least a half a day or more for the dealership circus from hell. The 'sales agent', i.e. lying son of a bitch, will do his little dance for you then hand you off to the finance thief. The finance thief will repeat the scenario from above and you will sign off on a high interest loan with little or no reservation, (all part of the plan). Take the car home. Remember - 'home' is at least 50 miles away. You just drove a 'new' car off the lot. Instant 20% decrease in value. Now that new car will have over 100 miles on it when you bring it back. It aint 'new' anymore!! Hold the car overnight , then call the scum bag dealer the next morning at 9am sharp. Tell him there is no way you can own this car at the rate you signed on, sound pissed and tell him you are bringing it back RIGHT NOW, unless you give me 8.9%. Tell him "Ford was going to finance me for $1200 more than this amount at 8.9% and I will just go over there..." Listen for the stuttering, stammering crook throw up objections like his life depended on it. He will say"...just give me till lunch and I'll make some calls.." Hang up forcibly. The finance grifter will call you back in less than an hour and match that percentage rate. He will now be kissing your ass seven ways from Sunday and will promise you it will only take five minutes to change the paperwork.
When you arrive at the gates of hell dealership look upset. Make them get you coffee. Tell them you haven't slept all night, your wife threw the keys at you and you might get divorced over it. Let there be no room for these cockroaches to squirm through. Watch them sweat, they deserve it. Go over the new contract in painstaking detail. Make the hapless fool re-explain everything to you. Ask for a better rate, make them show you the credit denials and explain to you further why you have to be killed with interest. Finally, reluctantly sign the new contract. Walk out of the pit of hell slowly and look angered. Watch them get out of your way. Count the number of times they call you 'sir' and look down upon them. They deserve every insulting leer and every haughty eyed stare you can give them - they know they are in the nether regions of human existence - treat them as such. If they offer a post buyer satisfaction survey - take it and shred them beyond recognition. Let them know your pain and how cruel they are to humanity at large..Let them know what a negative impact they have on society and how deeply wrong their business practices are. Take the next step and accuse them of financial terrorism and let them know that you will be reporting them to the State and the Better Business Bureau for the miserable experience that you had to endure. It's the right thing to do. They deserve nothing less...
Car dealerships, used car lots, bad car deals, dishonest dealerships, high interest rate auto loans, auto loans, dealer problems, bait and switch, bogus rebates, illegal car selling activities
Friday, October 21, 2011
Smart Phone Slavery
Why are we so dependent upon electronic devices, specifically 'smart phones'? How many people do you actually speak to during the day? How do you feel when you forget your smart phone after leaving home? Do you feel naked? Insecure? Lacking?
Therein lies the problem. We have been tricked to think that we need these devices.The most common response is "..what if it's an emergency!.." Well, what did people do in 1976 if there was an emergency? Did they say "..oh shit..the smart phone hasn't been invented yet...we are lost!" Or did they deal with it by actually speaking to someone and handling the situation? First it was the cell phone. It became indispensable to our lives through creative marketing and slick gadgetry. Then it was the smart phone. It is perceived to be indispensable and the phone portion of it is only secondary! Metro PCS smart phones have horrible signal...yet they have all the web browser capability of a laptop. I have seen the I Phone not provide clear signal when a five year old Motorola Sliver on a pay as you go card worked fine...The average cost of a smart phone under contract can be over $3,000 per year when apps, insurance, carrying cases, etc are added in. A pay- as -you- go unlimited talk and text 'regular' phone costs $50 a month.
Marketing and Apps have been the key to the smart phones. As these useless features increase, the smart phone becomes less of a phone and more of a needless toy. Texting is a great way to communicate however 90 % of all texts are probably unnecessary. "Hey - where u at" ..."Hey - I don't give a shit- stop texting me.." Unnecessary texting..completely useless. The useless texting has increased exponentially among the 18 -24 year old set. Watch any given teenager. Chances are they are needlessly texting their location and actions at the moment. The action is more centered around using a device than communicating any relevant information. They are becoming expert typists on small devices however they are losing the ability to speak. Try talking to them. Or anyone, for that matter that is engrossed in their texting and their apps. You will notice a lack of attention span and a constant glancing to the device...worried about their next text. It is a monumental distraction to real human communication and has lessened our ability to converse. I have seen a family of four at a restaurant on a Friday night all staring at their smart phones and not saying a word to each other. The glow of the phones reflecting off their faces...each in their own little world designed to isolate them from reality.
The smart phone revolution is actually changing our consciousness and how we assemble the world around us. I have worked with and seen people focusing so much of their attention on their smart phones that it would make them appear as indispensable to their lives. We need smart phone withdrawal programs. People need to be helped away from this dangerous idol. The masses are being conditioned to think that if they are not in constant contact, relating every aspect of every second of their day, uploading it to Facebook and knowing every detail of every "friend"- then something is wrong. This is becoming a shift in our human consciousness. As I write this, there are co-workers in my office talking about smart phones and their benefits and draw backs. They do not know I am writing this...
If the smart phone progression is taken to its logical conclusion it will affect the evolution of our species. Imagine 100,000 years from now...Our thumbs are now elongated to twice their normal length. Our vision has become much more accurate for detail at close range...Our ability to speak has dwindled down to audible grunts and groans..Our attention span for human interaction is less than a minute. We no longer trust our gut instinct or have basic survival skills- unless the smart phone tells us to...
Who needs or wants a second by second update to everyone and everything in the universe? What a boring and drab existence that would be..No more mystery about anything..no more excitement of the possible..Everything is known immediately and put in a box before you have time for the experience. People are already commenting on things that you wanted to do or see, before you can do or see them. You can feel let down before you even have the chance at the experience! All because some mindless bastard texted you his 'take' on it...Or texted someone else you who told someone that knows you..
Away with these monstrous devices! They are stealing our souls and making us glad for it! They are mortgaging us into a hive mind of the collective. Our natural abilities as human beings are being digitized away in a sweeping tyranny of mind numbing attachment to external devices. Use a phone, trash the smart phone, reclaim your human identity, don't let them turn you into a cyborg!
Smart phone, att, verizon, sprint, texting, useless texts, speech pathology, human communication problems, cell phones, cell phone problems, cell phone bills, pay as you go
Therein lies the problem. We have been tricked to think that we need these devices.The most common response is "..what if it's an emergency!.." Well, what did people do in 1976 if there was an emergency? Did they say "..oh shit..the smart phone hasn't been invented yet...we are lost!" Or did they deal with it by actually speaking to someone and handling the situation? First it was the cell phone. It became indispensable to our lives through creative marketing and slick gadgetry. Then it was the smart phone. It is perceived to be indispensable and the phone portion of it is only secondary! Metro PCS smart phones have horrible signal...yet they have all the web browser capability of a laptop. I have seen the I Phone not provide clear signal when a five year old Motorola Sliver on a pay as you go card worked fine...The average cost of a smart phone under contract can be over $3,000 per year when apps, insurance, carrying cases, etc are added in. A pay- as -you- go unlimited talk and text 'regular' phone costs $50 a month.
Marketing and Apps have been the key to the smart phones. As these useless features increase, the smart phone becomes less of a phone and more of a needless toy. Texting is a great way to communicate however 90 % of all texts are probably unnecessary. "Hey - where u at" ..."Hey - I don't give a shit- stop texting me.." Unnecessary texting..completely useless. The useless texting has increased exponentially among the 18 -24 year old set. Watch any given teenager. Chances are they are needlessly texting their location and actions at the moment. The action is more centered around using a device than communicating any relevant information. They are becoming expert typists on small devices however they are losing the ability to speak. Try talking to them. Or anyone, for that matter that is engrossed in their texting and their apps. You will notice a lack of attention span and a constant glancing to the device...worried about their next text. It is a monumental distraction to real human communication and has lessened our ability to converse. I have seen a family of four at a restaurant on a Friday night all staring at their smart phones and not saying a word to each other. The glow of the phones reflecting off their faces...each in their own little world designed to isolate them from reality.
The smart phone revolution is actually changing our consciousness and how we assemble the world around us. I have worked with and seen people focusing so much of their attention on their smart phones that it would make them appear as indispensable to their lives. We need smart phone withdrawal programs. People need to be helped away from this dangerous idol. The masses are being conditioned to think that if they are not in constant contact, relating every aspect of every second of their day, uploading it to Facebook and knowing every detail of every "friend"- then something is wrong. This is becoming a shift in our human consciousness. As I write this, there are co-workers in my office talking about smart phones and their benefits and draw backs. They do not know I am writing this...
If the smart phone progression is taken to its logical conclusion it will affect the evolution of our species. Imagine 100,000 years from now...Our thumbs are now elongated to twice their normal length. Our vision has become much more accurate for detail at close range...Our ability to speak has dwindled down to audible grunts and groans..Our attention span for human interaction is less than a minute. We no longer trust our gut instinct or have basic survival skills- unless the smart phone tells us to...
Who needs or wants a second by second update to everyone and everything in the universe? What a boring and drab existence that would be..No more mystery about anything..no more excitement of the possible..Everything is known immediately and put in a box before you have time for the experience. People are already commenting on things that you wanted to do or see, before you can do or see them. You can feel let down before you even have the chance at the experience! All because some mindless bastard texted you his 'take' on it...Or texted someone else you who told someone that knows you..
Away with these monstrous devices! They are stealing our souls and making us glad for it! They are mortgaging us into a hive mind of the collective. Our natural abilities as human beings are being digitized away in a sweeping tyranny of mind numbing attachment to external devices. Use a phone, trash the smart phone, reclaim your human identity, don't let them turn you into a cyborg!
Smart phone, att, verizon, sprint, texting, useless texts, speech pathology, human communication problems, cell phones, cell phone problems, cell phone bills, pay as you go
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Carb Solution
The United States is in bad shape. Record unemployment, hidden inflation and banker bailouts have left everyones heads spinning. The idiot politicians keep promising and lying and everyone gets angrier by the minute. I have a solution. Eat more carbs. The exact opposite thing we are told by the so called 'experts'.
Carbs make people feel good and there has never been a time in history when people have felt worse yet the media have programmed us to think we should all be 20 lbs under weight. Diet soda's, Non alcoholic beer, diet chips, fat free ketchup- it's all a marketing ploy! Let people get a little bigger, who cares?! Let them be happy, we are in a depression for Christ sake! We need government programs to help people get a little bigger. Bakery business will go through the roof, creating jobs. Handicap accessibility will have to be more prevalent, creating more jobs..The resulting largesse will have to be accommodated! More work for seat belt makers,longer and sturdier belts! Bigger seats, hence more raw material utilized equals more employment and more mining of natural resources. Food production will go up thereby adding to the gross domestic product. Health and life insurance premiums will go up by at least 150%, further stimulating the economy. Wages will have to increase to make up for the extra time and effort making everything a little bigger, stronger and more durable.
We have been conditioned to think that if a woman does not look like an anorexic junkie, she is unworthy.Women especially have been conditioned to think this. We are bombarded with advertisements from weight watchers, Slim Fast and all manner of weight loss schemes. Young girls have low self esteem because of these unrealistic expectations. I say- let them be who they are-no need to try and be something you're not! By leaving people alone and letting them feel better about themselves, we all benefit by living in a happier, carefree society. Cosmetic surgery ? Who needs it! Put those over priced vultures out of work! Keep your money, put it to better use. This will increase the savings rate of Americans. Less mental stress in thinking you must reach unobtainable goals will result in more productivity at home and in the work place, further stimulating the economy.
The medical establishment will be able to charge less for services because there will be more people with problems to service! What they lack in quality will be made up in quantity! More diabetic cases, more eating disorders, more weight gain problems- all directly benefiting the medical industry. Doctors' business will go up exponentially, causing them to hire more staff, reduce their rates and expand their practices. These problems can be handled and the patients could get back to a healthier lifestyle- they are just doing their patriotic duty- gettin' large to help save their country! These fat asses will be hailed as Heros! For it is from their over indulgence that we have stimulated the economy back to its former vibrant state! We will even create an organization for them- the NAFA- the National Association of Fat Asses! While they wallow in their whale like states, they will be seen as the modern day Paul Revere's, the post revolutionary Thomas Jeffersons of the new era, ushering in a big and bold life raft to an ailing economy and nation state. They will be revered at national events, shown off at the Superbowl and invited to state dinners. They will waddle and chortle all the way to national fame and recognition for the great sacrifice they have given us for our benefit!
All Hail the Large Ones! For they are the redeemers of our modern time, they are the ones that will save us through their over consumption and their additional mechanical and logistical support! Vehicles will need to be retro-fitted. More jobs. Commodities like flour, sugar, wheat, corn - will double and triple in amount needed- stimulating the markets. It will truly be a Carbo-lution! A revolution of carbs! The funeral business will skyrocket for the unfortunate few who give their life to the cause. At least they died happy! The over sized heros will get a full state funeral, access to Arlington Cemetry, for helping their country in a time of war and their graves will have to be double sized - more labor, more employment. the names and pictures of The Large Ones will be in children's' text books and etched into the Washington Monument as true heroes who came to the aid of their country in our darkest hour- their sacrifice's will not go unnoticed - for they are the ones that used a stereotype to save a nation...
Fat, Large,big,plus sizes, too fat too fly, economic depression, oh hell no...Lose weight, dieting, fat ass.
Carbs make people feel good and there has never been a time in history when people have felt worse yet the media have programmed us to think we should all be 20 lbs under weight. Diet soda's, Non alcoholic beer, diet chips, fat free ketchup- it's all a marketing ploy! Let people get a little bigger, who cares?! Let them be happy, we are in a depression for Christ sake! We need government programs to help people get a little bigger. Bakery business will go through the roof, creating jobs. Handicap accessibility will have to be more prevalent, creating more jobs..The resulting largesse will have to be accommodated! More work for seat belt makers,longer and sturdier belts! Bigger seats, hence more raw material utilized equals more employment and more mining of natural resources. Food production will go up thereby adding to the gross domestic product. Health and life insurance premiums will go up by at least 150%, further stimulating the economy. Wages will have to increase to make up for the extra time and effort making everything a little bigger, stronger and more durable.
We have been conditioned to think that if a woman does not look like an anorexic junkie, she is unworthy.Women especially have been conditioned to think this. We are bombarded with advertisements from weight watchers, Slim Fast and all manner of weight loss schemes. Young girls have low self esteem because of these unrealistic expectations. I say- let them be who they are-no need to try and be something you're not! By leaving people alone and letting them feel better about themselves, we all benefit by living in a happier, carefree society. Cosmetic surgery ? Who needs it! Put those over priced vultures out of work! Keep your money, put it to better use. This will increase the savings rate of Americans. Less mental stress in thinking you must reach unobtainable goals will result in more productivity at home and in the work place, further stimulating the economy.
The medical establishment will be able to charge less for services because there will be more people with problems to service! What they lack in quality will be made up in quantity! More diabetic cases, more eating disorders, more weight gain problems- all directly benefiting the medical industry. Doctors' business will go up exponentially, causing them to hire more staff, reduce their rates and expand their practices. These problems can be handled and the patients could get back to a healthier lifestyle- they are just doing their patriotic duty- gettin' large to help save their country! These fat asses will be hailed as Heros! For it is from their over indulgence that we have stimulated the economy back to its former vibrant state! We will even create an organization for them- the NAFA- the National Association of Fat Asses! While they wallow in their whale like states, they will be seen as the modern day Paul Revere's, the post revolutionary Thomas Jeffersons of the new era, ushering in a big and bold life raft to an ailing economy and nation state. They will be revered at national events, shown off at the Superbowl and invited to state dinners. They will waddle and chortle all the way to national fame and recognition for the great sacrifice they have given us for our benefit!
All Hail the Large Ones! For they are the redeemers of our modern time, they are the ones that will save us through their over consumption and their additional mechanical and logistical support! Vehicles will need to be retro-fitted. More jobs. Commodities like flour, sugar, wheat, corn - will double and triple in amount needed- stimulating the markets. It will truly be a Carbo-lution! A revolution of carbs! The funeral business will skyrocket for the unfortunate few who give their life to the cause. At least they died happy! The over sized heros will get a full state funeral, access to Arlington Cemetry, for helping their country in a time of war and their graves will have to be double sized - more labor, more employment. the names and pictures of The Large Ones will be in children's' text books and etched into the Washington Monument as true heroes who came to the aid of their country in our darkest hour- their sacrifice's will not go unnoticed - for they are the ones that used a stereotype to save a nation...
Fat, Large,big,plus sizes, too fat too fly, economic depression, oh hell no...Lose weight, dieting, fat ass.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Me and My Uncle
The island job was my first experience in manual labor on a construction site, I was 15. My cousin Bruce would pick me up every morning at 5:30 and drive us to my uncle Jim's house to ride to work with him. Bruce was preparing for medical school and seemed to just put up with the insanity to get a paycheck. The trip from North Miami to Homestead took about an hour each morning. From Homestead, we would take a boat to the job site on Elliot Key, where we were building a pavilion on the island.
From Jimmy's house, we would pick up his friend Bill around 6am. Each morning began and ended in the same manner. Jimmy would go into Bills house and drink a 2 oz shot of whiskey, I joined him on a couple of occasions, then learned that drinking in the morning was not for me. From there, Jim and Bill would stop at a convenience store and buy a six pack of 16 oz Budweisers for the ride to Homestead. The beer was almost finished as we stopped to pick up Alex near the toll booth on the interstate. Each morning, Jimmy would criticize the way Alex, (a black man), looked, (monkey, ape and other select racial slurs), then smile and greet him as he got into the car. Jimmy was perfectly civil to Alex on the way home also, then repeat his offensive litany after we dropped him off. The drive from picking up Alex to Homestead was about a half an hour. When we got near the marina, Jimmy would stop and get a case of beer and several bags of ice for the day.
Upon arriving at the boat ramp, Bill and Jim were typically 3/4 drunk and ready for work. The mornings usually began with a lot of shouting and general arguments about who was doing what and who had various equipment for the job. I had to consciously hold myself back from laughing because it was truly crazy. I usually got yelled at for not tying off the boat properly or for loading supplies incorrectly. Electricians, plumbers, carpenters and laborers were all aboard each morning, anywhere from 8-10 people per day were on that boat. Jimmy claimed himself to be the 'Captain'- and let everyone know it..It was a nice ride to work every morning, aside from the general insanity.
The job site was hectic and frenzied. Since it was on an island, everything had to be remembered for each trip. The beer, ice and tools - in that order- were hauled off the boat and carried to the pavillion we were building. The job site was actually two sites, the pavillion and a concrete structure of some type down a path seperated from the main area. My job was to pick up all the used boards and debris and haul it around and to dig holes and move dirt. It was unbearably hot. the mosquitoes were thick and the work was hard. We had army issue insect repellent and used it daily. The electricians smoked weed. Rocky, the plumber , brought his own beer - Piels Light in the can. Rocky had a son named Junior, whom Jimmy termed "..big as a house and dumb as a box of rocks..." According to Jimmy, Junior like to drive the front loader because it made him feel important. He got it stuck in the mud twice and was summarily yelled at by Rocky and Jimmy. Junior was an endless topic of ridicule and amusement for Jimmy who seemed to live to insult him. Juniors life long ambition was to "..fly jet planes.." this really got Jimmy going - he wanted to fly jet planes yet he couldn't drive a front loader.
The typical day started off with cool breezes and ended with searing heat. Everyone took a 15 minute break at 10 am and and 3pm and we finished at 4:30. It was so hot that conversation was minimal. Once, during lunch, Jimmy seemed to enjoy repeating himself over and over about "...the fucking onions for the hot dogs. Then it was the fucking mustard, over and over , the fucking onions and the fucking mustard! Luckily we had the fucking onions and the fucking mustard. By lunch, the beer was well hit into and a general fog and laziness seemed to settle over everyone. Decisions seemed to be made slower and there was less shouting but more grumbling and general negativity. Jimmy's diatribes and rants really pissed people off at times. He almost got into a fight with Charlie Moon, one of the electricians on the job site. Jim seemed to enjoy teasing him about his sidekick apprentice, Richard who he said was a burnout and not worth a damn. He also berated him for his name, 'Moon' and the shape of his head "..It looks like a fucking moon..!!" Jimmy would endlessly repeat it. Jim's friend and drinking partner, Bill, would occasionally lapse into crying jags while working. Bill would be hammering away, then all of a sudden start crying. The crying didn't interfere with his work, it was just weird. I later found out that Bills' wife died and he was still getting over it.
My big confrontation with Uncle Jim came during the afternoon of a scorching summer day. I was spreading concrete with a rake for a section of patio. Jimmy commanded me to "..spread it proper.. don't make love to it boy- spread it around!" He must have noticed I was getting upset because he kept on and escalated. Each comment was louder and more aggressive. He was building in intensity and thinking I was getting upset. I wasn't, I was just bewildered as to why he was so pissed. I wasn't old enough to realize that he was drunk out of his mind and this is the type of behavior that lends itself to that. Uncle Jim then stepped it up a notch and said "..you're thinking of swinging that shovel at me not aren't you boy..!!!!" He then repeated "..Go ahead, swing it..!! I just backed up and stared at him. I threw the rake down and walked away. Jimmy was screaming at me as I left the scene, "..you're a cherry boy!!..that's why you didn't swing it at me..it's cause you're a fucking cherry...boy...!!!" I told him to fuck off and went to the other side of the job site. The whole thing was forgotten about and we carried on like nothing happened.
Jimmy got stranger and stranger as my tenure with him continued. A couple of times we took the boat to the mainland for lunch and he told me he once quit drinking for ten years then just started back again.
He said he had it all under control and didn't have a problem. The reasoning went something like this.."I only drink beer, for the most part, I don't drink whiskey like I used too, only in the morning and the afternoons and its just a shot or two.." At this time in my life , it seemed normal to me, Jimmy just liked to drink. After all, he never had a DUI, never been arrested for drinking and he was up and working every day. I later learned that he was what is known as "functioning" alcoholic. I even attended an AA meeting with him once. He was super critical of everyone in the meeting before we went and afterward. He wouldn't speak in the meeting however he encouraged me to "..get up there and tell your story like the rest of the drunks.."I told him that he needed to, I didn't have anything to say. His response was "You won't catch me up there, that's a bunch of bullshit". Uncle Jim once asked my cousin Bruce if he thought he was an alcoholic. Bruce hesitated, then said, " yes, I think you are.." Jimmy's standard response was "..bullshit.. I aint no fucking alcoholic." He was in complete and total denial - everyone else had a problem- not him.
Every day ended the same. We would drop everyone off and stop at Chi's food store on the way home for a cold Heineken. Jimmy appreciated the fact that they were very cold. Uncle Jim did have a good idea for an invention though. He proposed a blinking sign that would sit in the rear window of the car that could be programmed what to say. He said that you could have a keyboard on the dash and type messages to drivers as you passed them. The message would blink and they would then understand how you really felt about their driving skills. His favorite message would be "asshole",- blinking in the rear window as you passed. ..I thought he was on to something....
Uncle Jim was an intelligent person, he just couldn't get past the drinking.When sober, he was fun to be around and was a good family man. He had a quick mind and was pretty smart. He liked to have fun - maybe a little too much. I didn't see him much as his health deteriorated. His liver just stopped working. He was 54.
From Jimmy's house, we would pick up his friend Bill around 6am. Each morning began and ended in the same manner. Jimmy would go into Bills house and drink a 2 oz shot of whiskey, I joined him on a couple of occasions, then learned that drinking in the morning was not for me. From there, Jim and Bill would stop at a convenience store and buy a six pack of 16 oz Budweisers for the ride to Homestead. The beer was almost finished as we stopped to pick up Alex near the toll booth on the interstate. Each morning, Jimmy would criticize the way Alex, (a black man), looked, (monkey, ape and other select racial slurs), then smile and greet him as he got into the car. Jimmy was perfectly civil to Alex on the way home also, then repeat his offensive litany after we dropped him off. The drive from picking up Alex to Homestead was about a half an hour. When we got near the marina, Jimmy would stop and get a case of beer and several bags of ice for the day.
Upon arriving at the boat ramp, Bill and Jim were typically 3/4 drunk and ready for work. The mornings usually began with a lot of shouting and general arguments about who was doing what and who had various equipment for the job. I had to consciously hold myself back from laughing because it was truly crazy. I usually got yelled at for not tying off the boat properly or for loading supplies incorrectly. Electricians, plumbers, carpenters and laborers were all aboard each morning, anywhere from 8-10 people per day were on that boat. Jimmy claimed himself to be the 'Captain'- and let everyone know it..It was a nice ride to work every morning, aside from the general insanity.
The job site was hectic and frenzied. Since it was on an island, everything had to be remembered for each trip. The beer, ice and tools - in that order- were hauled off the boat and carried to the pavillion we were building. The job site was actually two sites, the pavillion and a concrete structure of some type down a path seperated from the main area. My job was to pick up all the used boards and debris and haul it around and to dig holes and move dirt. It was unbearably hot. the mosquitoes were thick and the work was hard. We had army issue insect repellent and used it daily. The electricians smoked weed. Rocky, the plumber , brought his own beer - Piels Light in the can. Rocky had a son named Junior, whom Jimmy termed "..big as a house and dumb as a box of rocks..." According to Jimmy, Junior like to drive the front loader because it made him feel important. He got it stuck in the mud twice and was summarily yelled at by Rocky and Jimmy. Junior was an endless topic of ridicule and amusement for Jimmy who seemed to live to insult him. Juniors life long ambition was to "..fly jet planes.." this really got Jimmy going - he wanted to fly jet planes yet he couldn't drive a front loader.
The typical day started off with cool breezes and ended with searing heat. Everyone took a 15 minute break at 10 am and and 3pm and we finished at 4:30. It was so hot that conversation was minimal. Once, during lunch, Jimmy seemed to enjoy repeating himself over and over about "...the fucking onions for the hot dogs. Then it was the fucking mustard, over and over , the fucking onions and the fucking mustard! Luckily we had the fucking onions and the fucking mustard. By lunch, the beer was well hit into and a general fog and laziness seemed to settle over everyone. Decisions seemed to be made slower and there was less shouting but more grumbling and general negativity. Jimmy's diatribes and rants really pissed people off at times. He almost got into a fight with Charlie Moon, one of the electricians on the job site. Jim seemed to enjoy teasing him about his sidekick apprentice, Richard who he said was a burnout and not worth a damn. He also berated him for his name, 'Moon' and the shape of his head "..It looks like a fucking moon..!!" Jimmy would endlessly repeat it. Jim's friend and drinking partner, Bill, would occasionally lapse into crying jags while working. Bill would be hammering away, then all of a sudden start crying. The crying didn't interfere with his work, it was just weird. I later found out that Bills' wife died and he was still getting over it.
My big confrontation with Uncle Jim came during the afternoon of a scorching summer day. I was spreading concrete with a rake for a section of patio. Jimmy commanded me to "..spread it proper.. don't make love to it boy- spread it around!" He must have noticed I was getting upset because he kept on and escalated. Each comment was louder and more aggressive. He was building in intensity and thinking I was getting upset. I wasn't, I was just bewildered as to why he was so pissed. I wasn't old enough to realize that he was drunk out of his mind and this is the type of behavior that lends itself to that. Uncle Jim then stepped it up a notch and said "..you're thinking of swinging that shovel at me not aren't you boy..!!!!" He then repeated "..Go ahead, swing it..!! I just backed up and stared at him. I threw the rake down and walked away. Jimmy was screaming at me as I left the scene, "..you're a cherry boy!!..that's why you didn't swing it at me..it's cause you're a fucking cherry...boy...!!!" I told him to fuck off and went to the other side of the job site. The whole thing was forgotten about and we carried on like nothing happened.
Jimmy got stranger and stranger as my tenure with him continued. A couple of times we took the boat to the mainland for lunch and he told me he once quit drinking for ten years then just started back again.
He said he had it all under control and didn't have a problem. The reasoning went something like this.."I only drink beer, for the most part, I don't drink whiskey like I used too, only in the morning and the afternoons and its just a shot or two.." At this time in my life , it seemed normal to me, Jimmy just liked to drink. After all, he never had a DUI, never been arrested for drinking and he was up and working every day. I later learned that he was what is known as "functioning" alcoholic. I even attended an AA meeting with him once. He was super critical of everyone in the meeting before we went and afterward. He wouldn't speak in the meeting however he encouraged me to "..get up there and tell your story like the rest of the drunks.."I told him that he needed to, I didn't have anything to say. His response was "You won't catch me up there, that's a bunch of bullshit". Uncle Jim once asked my cousin Bruce if he thought he was an alcoholic. Bruce hesitated, then said, " yes, I think you are.." Jimmy's standard response was "..bullshit.. I aint no fucking alcoholic." He was in complete and total denial - everyone else had a problem- not him.
Every day ended the same. We would drop everyone off and stop at Chi's food store on the way home for a cold Heineken. Jimmy appreciated the fact that they were very cold. Uncle Jim did have a good idea for an invention though. He proposed a blinking sign that would sit in the rear window of the car that could be programmed what to say. He said that you could have a keyboard on the dash and type messages to drivers as you passed them. The message would blink and they would then understand how you really felt about their driving skills. His favorite message would be "asshole",- blinking in the rear window as you passed. ..I thought he was on to something....
Uncle Jim was an intelligent person, he just couldn't get past the drinking.When sober, he was fun to be around and was a good family man. He had a quick mind and was pretty smart. He liked to have fun - maybe a little too much. I didn't see him much as his health deteriorated. His liver just stopped working. He was 54.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Engineering Quotes
Engineering Quotes and random observations – Direct quotations from my company, after 2 years of effort and a $3.9 million investment.
“We’ve got a box full of crap right now, that’s better than a truck load of crap…”
“Instead of spending $400 on a production table, he ,(The 2nd CEO to be fired,), spent it on a dinner!”
“ I wouldn’t sign off on manufacturing until we had 100 systems in the field for a month”, Statement made on June, 27th, 2011, 30 days before projected end of company, 30 in field, 15 working thus far – sort of…
“Engineer 1 has had the software calibration solution for months, however he is so overwhelmed with putting things into X-Tuple, he has not been able to utilize it.”
“Producing 25 units per week is where we need to be, whatever happens after that happens, otherwise we only have a picture of a prototype.”
“90% accuracy sounds pretty good however put it with twelve sensors, your lucky if you got one out of twelve.”
“There is only one thing that is saving us – we have 2300 units worth of components.”
“We are burning our relationships with our suppliers, if we pay them, we will be out of money. We owe $160K right now and what we are on the hook for is huge..”
“I’m getting lost in the minutiae of it”
“We’ve always known the sweet spot, unless this is out of your permutation”
“ You’re climbing a hill and you’re gonna fall off if you don’t reach the next plateau”
“ We are going to a new currency, you know.”
“ What typically happens, is as you do this and get details to put the project together, you get it done over the weekend.”
“ I have spent zero time on testing and it is a major thing…”
“ We just lost 1/3 of our senior engineering staff, that was a major hit..”
“ There is a higher level thing, forget about all the details, from top level management, there are still the external reviews, we are at a product review date…”
“What are we testing, what do we need to test?”
“We’re never going to meet the deadline, so why don’t we just go home now.”
Head engineer answering the question from the primary investor - ‘When is the product going to be ready?’ answer -“Between now and never…”
Engineering -“ The reason we haven’t met our goals is because we don’t have a plan” answer from VP – “ You had a plan last November and you fucked it, you had a plan last March and you fucked it, you had a plan this April and you fucked that”
Customer support speaking to engineering “You know our product just shut down Brighthouse cable service to an entire block?” Engineering response, “Awesome”
“I’m not really concerned about our accuracy, I’m just concerned if there is consistency to our inaccuracy”
“One of these plans is going to be zero”
Standard answer for question of “when will the product be ready?”
6 months in - “Three weeks”
12 months in -“Three weeks”
18 months in -“Three weeks”
Number of official launch dates since company inception = 7. Number of successful launches = 0.
Number of employees hired and fired in 18 months = 10
Number of people in company = 12
Quote from office manager “…I wish they would just lay me off”
“We’ve spent $112,000 in burn or scrap, that doesn’t sound right…” – our accountant
“You’re not gong to make it…” – our accountant speaking about our future success.
From the 2nd fired CEO, “It’s The Founders'’s fault”, The Founder is the lead engineer and one of the inventors of the system.
“Those boards that came in last week, we never built any of those right?”
“Phone calls are an incredible waste of time, texting is the only way you should communicate unless it is urgent”.
“I get confused easily”
“What are the tasks that we have?”
“When you tell us what not to do, you don’t tell us what to do”
“The only real value of anything is what you collect a month, that’s all that matters”
“Real estate values are going to collapse – again”
“Our money is based on nothing – you can’t just keep printing it”
“ We ,(United States), are headed for collapse, it is just a matter of time”
“I’d rather be home writing software code – that’s what we need to get done”
“We’re better off just starting over”
“I think we need to go back to the drawing board, the product is not ready to ship and only works in 1% of the homes”.
“We’ve got a problem, we now have a reset issue – the units will not start up”
There is something going on very , very strange here…”
“Have you seen the new Star Trek episodes, they’ve re-mastered them all in HD!”
“In the laboratory you can always get something to work”
“We have readings, we don’t have storage or handshake accountability”
“If everyone turned their power off at the same time, you would have a major outage”
“If you can make it non random, you can make it do anything….”
“When we see the water heater turn on, we have a delta in the mains, that gives us enough information to calibrate those sensors against each other, so all of the load deltas can be confirmed” – this ground breaking insight was realized 2 weeks before cash zero (end of business) …call me stupid however it seems that it would have been useful a year ago, unless you’re just eternally tinkering in the lab….
“The inaccuracies are in both directions so they cancel each other out”
“Averaging out is a function of the law of statistics”
“As long as it’s not systematic and it’s random, not linear – that’s how the power company gets away with sloppy meter readings ”
“The thing to do is to mine the data, process the data and remove the anomalies”
“The word ‘release’ has been use out of context, who wants to create the product release document?”
“By the end of the month, we are supposed to have some sort of product specification – we will not get money until that is done, we have enough money to run one last payroll.” -VP speaking to engineering
“What does a product specification look like?” – engineering…
“ I am beginning to hate engineers” –business development
“Realistically we have not been operating in engineering mode, we have been operating in a ‘quick spin’ start up mode….”
“I think one of our scenarios needs to include configurations”
“There is a huge difference in US residents and ‘target markets’, we need to define the details, what do those homes look like?”
“If we don’t work in 90% of the homes, we are by nature, problematic”
“If, if…if”
“I think we have made some good and useful conversation”
“We have to have good, working hardware and I think we’re getting real close to that” (..said 2 weeks before cash zero day…)
“It’s behavior, the button activates the behavior, then the behavior ends”
“The biggest thing that’s wrong is the sensitivities, inherently the biggest number you’re going to be wrong is zero”
“We can alternate it and complicate the issue or we can make the adjustments”
“That’s part of the gimmick, right - trying to prove the box works…”
“All this talk about signal rates and noise ratios, you need an error free rate of .995%”
“There has been no significant progress”
“Unless there is a miracle, we’re probably done in a couple of weeks”
“I’ve been in companies whereby if you were employed for at least a year, they had to go through five levels of management to fire you”
“We started out being synchronous but when we tried to track the frequency it was a nightmare”
“…crap...”
“Our detect ability was much lower, the linearity looks pretty good, I’m going by the waveform that I saw”
“It was working, I don’t know why it quit, it is rather scary”
“By next year, the reliability of the power grid is going to zero”
“The Chinese bought an entire years supply of corn last month – 550 million metric tons”
“The power companies cannot maintain the network, they are failing at the rate of 2 hrs per month, that’s a terrible failure rate.”
“They, (utility companies), can’t meet the demand at the price, so they just take the failure”
“When the bombs fall, the windmills will just get blown way”
“The earth is a big place, people can withstand anything except the stupidity of government”
“Typically, what happens is that there is a discontinuity in the error rates, when they reach .995% they are 100%.”
“What we are seeing with the box is not representative at all, we are trying to do real time, the system is transferring in 15 minute intervals”
“When you can hear each other, by definition, you can hear each other”
“Time can drift… we need to slip or gain a cycle… depending on where the real time is”
“ There are no engineers left in the power grid, they have all retired”
“They, (the company), wired the last payroll to the wrong account, luckily the account was closed, otherwise they would have never got it back”
“It’s only the impedances that are appearing on the whole panel, but I don’t think that’s killing us…”
“What happens is, we’re so lucky, that you get out past 120, you then get resonances”
“You can’t put RF in the box, there’s no way you can get away with that”
“This company was dead a year ago”
“Well, we might be able to string them along with conference calls to potential investors-to keep the payroll going…”
“I see some signal there….it all comes down to are we gonna be plus or minus ten percent accuracy or not…”
“The first 20 systems we get back from the contract manufacturer will not work”
“Federal employees’ income tax should not be counted in the GDP”
“Are we talking..?.. this is continous…”
“The patents are in pending status, Galtronics would just shelve this thing if they don’t go forward, they’ll just bury it…It happens all the time, more often than not”
“The trouble is that I cannot amplify my signal, I’m recognizing it, we’re just not controlling it..”
“I think we’re really close. .we need to kick up the gain a little bit and look at the new software…”
“You’ve got a 50% chance of being within 50%..”
“In reality, nothing ever is continuous”
“All of this code and these branches are just garbage and need to be thrown out”- (mentioned 4 days before the end of the company…)
Direct quote from the founder of the company when asked about status of product-
“…I’ll have to meet with you and the office manager separately because when I speak with engineering there is probably going to be some F-bombs and people might get fired…”
"There is a hurricane coming.. we could tell the investors that we can't work in these conditions, maybe it'll buy us another week or so..."
delayed product launch, engineering problems, funding, mechanical issues, out of funding, product design issues, product development, start up, failed start up, problems with engineers
"There is a hurricane coming.. we could tell the investors that we can't work in these conditions, maybe it'll buy us another week or so..."
delayed product launch, engineering problems, funding, mechanical issues, out of funding, product design issues, product development, start up, failed start up, problems with engineers
Friday, August 12, 2011
The Car
Being fourteen and naive is no crime however heisting a vehicle is - especially when you don't know how to drive.
Every time Harveys father drove us to school we were given a demonstration of the full faith and power of the 1977 Plymouth Fury III. The Fury was a V-8 and a beast of a car. It was used as a police vehicle from 1975 - 1979. Harvey's dad had a unique driving style that utilized both feet. Mr K taught us that you need to have one foot and the accelerator and one foot on the brake at the same time. Every time he drove it was like an amusement ride, either full out acceleration or a frightening stop. I don't think he ever maintained the same speed for any amount of time. Maybe it was because he was English, who knows...
Harvey launched the scheme with the idea of taking the car out for a quick drive.This turned into a systematically planned action of Grand Theft Auto for a night- or maybe a day. Harvey knew that his parents would be out of town for a week, so the planning had begun. We schemed and planned for over two weeks, every day we would discuss our strategy. We got busted talking about it in Tommy's moms car in the way home from school. We were giddy with the thought of heisting this vehicle and would look at each other , barely able to hold in the laughter and repeat over and over again "...dude.. the car.. the CAR!!.." Tommy's mom caught on and told Harveys dad. Mr K then had a long talk with Harvey about not borrowing his vehicle and moved the car to a friends house 10 miles away. Not to worry though, with a little re-con work we found it . We FOUND the CAR!!! We were roiling with delight...The plan was still on!! It was only a ten mile bicycle ride over the interstate connector and into North Miami Beach.
Next, I had Harvey spend the night at my house when his parents were gone. Everything was coming together. I'm not sure but I think my mother told me "..no sneaking out.." -something we were inclined to do at that age, to steal pastries from Winn Dixie at 4am. Our newspaper delivery baskets greatly helped in this endeavor. That night we sneaked out. It was a long ride but eventually we found it. I felt like we struck gold. The Car!! We left the bicycles in the bushes and started her up. The Plymouth Fury III came to life and we were transformed. We got real quiet and had big grins on our faces. Harvey drove and we headed back to the neighborhood to pick up David. He had a difficult time staying in the lane, I guess because he never drove before. Harvey was constantly over correcting and barely missing parked cars on the side of the road. I attempted driving however i couldn't and let Harvey resume his drivers ed course. Turns were big, long sloping events that made us unsure of their outcome...When we reached Davids' house, I got out of the car and tapped on his window, our signal to come out." Dude ..We Got the Car!!"...David was wiser and did not want to go. We eventually broke his will and he came out. David got in the back seat and we headed for the Junior High School. Harvey seemed to be gaining confidence so we felt a little better. David was a nervous wreck in the back seat, we kept telling him to shut up and enjoy the ride...hey, maybe we'll pick up some chicks!! Upon arriving at the Junior High, Harvey had the brilliant idea of driving on the PE field behind the school. I said "Go for it.." Of course, that wasn't enough..."Do a donut..!" Which he did, over and over again until our sides hurt from laughing..We dug some monumental circular tracks in that field which we were proud of for weeks to come. At this point, Harvey seemed truly crazed. He was beside himself with mad glee and reckless abandon. We were all laughing hysterically- completely out of control. We left the field for fear of cops and drove down a side road near the school. Harvey's inhibitions left him entirely at this point. Approaching a stop sign he yelled "..Fuck the Stop Sign..!!" I looked over at him and thought it wise to fasten my seat belt quickly. I then felt pinned back in my seat due to the rapid acceleration, I glanced at David and yelled "Hold On..!"As we approached to turn, I saw the speedometer go past 50 mph. Oh shit...Harvey pulled hard to the left and I thought we would make it until I saw a parked car in a driveway and a giant tree looming up to meet us. We hit the tree at 45 mph and it was like time stopped. The hood of the Plymouth was bent in half and up in the air... I remember saying "..back it up, back it up.." We backed up and the car died. Steam was gushing from the radiator, the windshield was demolished, the car was totaled..We all jumped out.. David's nose was bleeding and he was yelling that it was broken. We told him to shut up - we need to figure out what to do..
All of us stood there,staring at each other in dead silence. then, just like in Monty Python, someone yelled "Run Away!!" and we did. We ran at top speed for at least a mile. Once again, Harvey thought we would prevail. His stroke of genius was to concoct a story of how the car was probably stolen. this made us feel a little better, I mean, with the crime rate in Miami it was probably inevitable! We would swear that it was stolen! Blame it on the Haitians! They were out of control anyway... We would have to get our bikes out of the yard were the car was parked though and we began to calculate how long it would take to get them out of there. Then we would be free! After our brief moment of clarity, Harvey stared to wail and moan. "Dude, what's wrong.?" He responded "My watch.." we said "screw your friggin watch.." Harvey replied "No man, when my dad finds my watch in the car, he'll know..!!" David and I began to distance ourselves from Harvey at this point. We actually walked further away from him and began to rally for our own causes. We reminded Harvey that it's not our parents' car...and you, Harvey did plan the whole thing...we were just along for the ride! This made David and I feel much better. We were still in trouble however nowhere near the nightmare Harvey would have to face. He kept mentioning his fathers favorite punishment method. "He's going to beat the shit outta me..!!"For Harvey, it was like the Battan death march in WWII. Slogging along, half conscious, traumatized from a near death accident, repeating to himself over and over "..he's gonna kill me.. he's gonna beat the shit outta me..."David and I thought about damage control in our own lives, no need worrying about Harvey, he was a dead man.
Feeling a little more optimistic , Harvey and I sneaked back into my house and my mother was waiting, we were busted at the door. Back to an unsettled rest and a very uncomfortable morning.The eagerly anticipated event ended with a ride to the Police station the next day. All parents were 'fully involved'. It was like the cold war with Russia. Family meetings ensued and I was grounded for a very, very long time. Davids parents grounded him for a decade- or at least it seemed that way. We didn't see or hear from Harvey for at least two months. I think his father had him extradited to be tortured. So much for driving, I put it down for a while.
Midnight cruiser, teenage drivers, auto accidents, grand theft auto, stealing a car, underage driving, running stop signs, unlicensed drivers, totaled vehicles, auto accidents, plymouth fury, leaving the scene of an accident
Every time Harveys father drove us to school we were given a demonstration of the full faith and power of the 1977 Plymouth Fury III. The Fury was a V-8 and a beast of a car. It was used as a police vehicle from 1975 - 1979. Harvey's dad had a unique driving style that utilized both feet. Mr K taught us that you need to have one foot and the accelerator and one foot on the brake at the same time. Every time he drove it was like an amusement ride, either full out acceleration or a frightening stop. I don't think he ever maintained the same speed for any amount of time. Maybe it was because he was English, who knows...
Harvey launched the scheme with the idea of taking the car out for a quick drive.This turned into a systematically planned action of Grand Theft Auto for a night- or maybe a day. Harvey knew that his parents would be out of town for a week, so the planning had begun. We schemed and planned for over two weeks, every day we would discuss our strategy. We got busted talking about it in Tommy's moms car in the way home from school. We were giddy with the thought of heisting this vehicle and would look at each other , barely able to hold in the laughter and repeat over and over again "...dude.. the car.. the CAR!!.." Tommy's mom caught on and told Harveys dad. Mr K then had a long talk with Harvey about not borrowing his vehicle and moved the car to a friends house 10 miles away. Not to worry though, with a little re-con work we found it . We FOUND the CAR!!! We were roiling with delight...The plan was still on!! It was only a ten mile bicycle ride over the interstate connector and into North Miami Beach.
Next, I had Harvey spend the night at my house when his parents were gone. Everything was coming together. I'm not sure but I think my mother told me "..no sneaking out.." -something we were inclined to do at that age, to steal pastries from Winn Dixie at 4am. Our newspaper delivery baskets greatly helped in this endeavor. That night we sneaked out. It was a long ride but eventually we found it. I felt like we struck gold. The Car!! We left the bicycles in the bushes and started her up. The Plymouth Fury III came to life and we were transformed. We got real quiet and had big grins on our faces. Harvey drove and we headed back to the neighborhood to pick up David. He had a difficult time staying in the lane, I guess because he never drove before. Harvey was constantly over correcting and barely missing parked cars on the side of the road. I attempted driving however i couldn't and let Harvey resume his drivers ed course. Turns were big, long sloping events that made us unsure of their outcome...When we reached Davids' house, I got out of the car and tapped on his window, our signal to come out." Dude ..We Got the Car!!"...David was wiser and did not want to go. We eventually broke his will and he came out. David got in the back seat and we headed for the Junior High School. Harvey seemed to be gaining confidence so we felt a little better. David was a nervous wreck in the back seat, we kept telling him to shut up and enjoy the ride...hey, maybe we'll pick up some chicks!! Upon arriving at the Junior High, Harvey had the brilliant idea of driving on the PE field behind the school. I said "Go for it.." Of course, that wasn't enough..."Do a donut..!" Which he did, over and over again until our sides hurt from laughing..We dug some monumental circular tracks in that field which we were proud of for weeks to come. At this point, Harvey seemed truly crazed. He was beside himself with mad glee and reckless abandon. We were all laughing hysterically- completely out of control. We left the field for fear of cops and drove down a side road near the school. Harvey's inhibitions left him entirely at this point. Approaching a stop sign he yelled "..Fuck the Stop Sign..!!" I looked over at him and thought it wise to fasten my seat belt quickly. I then felt pinned back in my seat due to the rapid acceleration, I glanced at David and yelled "Hold On..!"As we approached to turn, I saw the speedometer go past 50 mph. Oh shit...Harvey pulled hard to the left and I thought we would make it until I saw a parked car in a driveway and a giant tree looming up to meet us. We hit the tree at 45 mph and it was like time stopped. The hood of the Plymouth was bent in half and up in the air... I remember saying "..back it up, back it up.." We backed up and the car died. Steam was gushing from the radiator, the windshield was demolished, the car was totaled..We all jumped out.. David's nose was bleeding and he was yelling that it was broken. We told him to shut up - we need to figure out what to do..
All of us stood there,staring at each other in dead silence. then, just like in Monty Python, someone yelled "Run Away!!" and we did. We ran at top speed for at least a mile. Once again, Harvey thought we would prevail. His stroke of genius was to concoct a story of how the car was probably stolen. this made us feel a little better, I mean, with the crime rate in Miami it was probably inevitable! We would swear that it was stolen! Blame it on the Haitians! They were out of control anyway... We would have to get our bikes out of the yard were the car was parked though and we began to calculate how long it would take to get them out of there. Then we would be free! After our brief moment of clarity, Harvey stared to wail and moan. "Dude, what's wrong.?" He responded "My watch.." we said "screw your friggin watch.." Harvey replied "No man, when my dad finds my watch in the car, he'll know..!!" David and I began to distance ourselves from Harvey at this point. We actually walked further away from him and began to rally for our own causes. We reminded Harvey that it's not our parents' car...and you, Harvey did plan the whole thing...we were just along for the ride! This made David and I feel much better. We were still in trouble however nowhere near the nightmare Harvey would have to face. He kept mentioning his fathers favorite punishment method. "He's going to beat the shit outta me..!!"For Harvey, it was like the Battan death march in WWII. Slogging along, half conscious, traumatized from a near death accident, repeating to himself over and over "..he's gonna kill me.. he's gonna beat the shit outta me..."David and I thought about damage control in our own lives, no need worrying about Harvey, he was a dead man.
Feeling a little more optimistic , Harvey and I sneaked back into my house and my mother was waiting, we were busted at the door. Back to an unsettled rest and a very uncomfortable morning.The eagerly anticipated event ended with a ride to the Police station the next day. All parents were 'fully involved'. It was like the cold war with Russia. Family meetings ensued and I was grounded for a very, very long time. Davids parents grounded him for a decade- or at least it seemed that way. We didn't see or hear from Harvey for at least two months. I think his father had him extradited to be tortured. So much for driving, I put it down for a while.
Midnight cruiser, teenage drivers, auto accidents, grand theft auto, stealing a car, underage driving, running stop signs, unlicensed drivers, totaled vehicles, auto accidents, plymouth fury, leaving the scene of an accident
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My Day In LA
Our meeting with Glendale Water and Power was a unique experience. Half awake, Ostrich boot wearing, cowboy belt buckle, New York haircut wannabe actor types should not be allowed on the premises of any self respecting utility company. Aside from that, the meeting went fine. Our amateur actor friend reminded us that he "..came in on his day off..", we wouldn't have minded if he stayed home. People need perspective and our hero definitely delivered, it's good to know how many different ways an appointment can go sideways. The most astounding thing about him was the complete void of human emotion of our "Marketing Manager". Mr Manager let us know with great certainty that "..he had the job that everyone else had the sense to pass on.." , which inspired pure confidence on our part. I was verbally put in my place when I asked if he was involved with Member Services. From then on, I let a colleague handle the rest of the appointment. My associate, Josh, was glad when it was over, so glad he needed a beer afterwards.By the end of our meeting, we noticed a stirring of humanity in LA rodeo boy. He was gracious enough to agree that our energy monitoring solution was unique although it was a direct challenge to his prior ineffective and costly attempts at home energy management. Yes, we were calling him out and saying, "Look cowpuke, you're an idiot, you've spent money foolishly looking for something that doesn't work and you don't give a damn because you're chasing a Chippendales LA fantasy that involves ostrich boots and a bad haircut". Have a nice day.
The meeting with the City of Pasadena utility dept. fared no better although it was more challenging and downright bizarre. Engineers are typically well versed in technical issues, these guys were not. Their main concern was RF , (radio frequency),poisoning from in home energy monitoring devices. Never mind the fact that it would take 3,000 years of smart meter RF to equate to 10 minutes of cell phone usage.. that didn't matter. And never mind the daily bathing of RF all throughout the City of Pasadena, that didn't matter either. These misguided technocrats deserved an extra slathering of RF targeted at every granola crunching, lettuce smoking ear ring wearing freak in LA! After hearing of their genuine, heart felt concern for their customers, they went on to say that "...eventually we will have to control all of their, (utility customers), power consumption. How kind of them. An associate of mine commented that we could all just go back to candles and they looked as though they actually considered it. The engineering team continued babbling their perception of their customers. They mentioned that if they so much as touched a breaker panel in a home, a class action lawsuit against the utility company would begin and require a complete upgrade of every breaker panel. They went on to say that the City of Pasadena in 2010 has a 50% internet usage rate in the community. A blatant lie. Their main concern was in measuring water. that being the case, maybe a tsunami would help alleviate their water concerns once and for all.
The swirling vortex of insecurity, despair and downright ignorance should be marked with a road sign at the city limits of Glendale and Pasadena that says "Turn back now or sink into an inescapable nightmare of idiocy and despotism from which you will not return." these people deserve home energy mis-management. All appliances should be left in the 'on' position. All light, toaster, hairdryers, X-boxes, vacuum cleaners , left on -purposely. This will cause the system to overload, create a massive implosion and blackouts within the city coverage areas. This would then cause them to start over, with a clean slate! A return to sanity for the utility company and all of their customers! Our company however will never have anything to do with them. They are permanently etched in our history as a place to stay away from, a land of Nod, if you will, a vanishing point, just over the event horizon that no sane individual ever dare go...
LA, engineering problems, engineers, utility company backlash, utility company, Pasadena business , City of Glendale Water and Power, sales meetings, bad haircut, wannabe actors, back to candles, RF, RF poisoning, Frequency, RF pollution
The meeting with the City of Pasadena utility dept. fared no better although it was more challenging and downright bizarre. Engineers are typically well versed in technical issues, these guys were not. Their main concern was RF , (radio frequency),poisoning from in home energy monitoring devices. Never mind the fact that it would take 3,000 years of smart meter RF to equate to 10 minutes of cell phone usage.. that didn't matter. And never mind the daily bathing of RF all throughout the City of Pasadena, that didn't matter either. These misguided technocrats deserved an extra slathering of RF targeted at every granola crunching, lettuce smoking ear ring wearing freak in LA! After hearing of their genuine, heart felt concern for their customers, they went on to say that "...eventually we will have to control all of their, (utility customers), power consumption. How kind of them. An associate of mine commented that we could all just go back to candles and they looked as though they actually considered it. The engineering team continued babbling their perception of their customers. They mentioned that if they so much as touched a breaker panel in a home, a class action lawsuit against the utility company would begin and require a complete upgrade of every breaker panel. They went on to say that the City of Pasadena in 2010 has a 50% internet usage rate in the community. A blatant lie. Their main concern was in measuring water. that being the case, maybe a tsunami would help alleviate their water concerns once and for all.
The swirling vortex of insecurity, despair and downright ignorance should be marked with a road sign at the city limits of Glendale and Pasadena that says "Turn back now or sink into an inescapable nightmare of idiocy and despotism from which you will not return." these people deserve home energy mis-management. All appliances should be left in the 'on' position. All light, toaster, hairdryers, X-boxes, vacuum cleaners , left on -purposely. This will cause the system to overload, create a massive implosion and blackouts within the city coverage areas. This would then cause them to start over, with a clean slate! A return to sanity for the utility company and all of their customers! Our company however will never have anything to do with them. They are permanently etched in our history as a place to stay away from, a land of Nod, if you will, a vanishing point, just over the event horizon that no sane individual ever dare go...
LA, engineering problems, engineers, utility company backlash, utility company, Pasadena business , City of Glendale Water and Power, sales meetings, bad haircut, wannabe actors, back to candles, RF, RF poisoning, Frequency, RF pollution
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Active Non Engagement
In a results oriented world where everyone is trying to get something done, be on time and meet objectives, it’s sometimes better to just do nothing – nothing at all.
You are not required to respond to anyone for anything – ever. Think about it. You don’t have to say “hello”, “good morning”, “have a nice day” or anything of the like. In fact, you’ll feel better if you don’t. You are not required to participate in meaningless conversation of co-workers, you don’t need to call anyone back if you don’t want to and you certainly are not required to explain yourself to anyone unless legally required to do so. Someone is calling you that you don’t want to speak to – don’t answer it, they’ll leave a message, if not, it wasn’t worth calling you in the first place. You will truly see the meaningless drivel we all participate in each and every day when you empower yourself through Active Non Engagement.
It begins with the little things you don’t even notice. Like thinking you have to recognize someone else’s presence in a room. You don’t have to and you’ll feel better when you don’t. They are grown adults, they can deal with it. Be polite however do not engage. Simple stare straight ahead and watch them squirm . A funny thing will now happen. Most people cannot stand silence and can’t deal with not talking incessantly about absolutely nothing. That’s their problem, not yours. Enjoy the silence, most people don’t need to be running their mouths anyway. You will save your energy and feel an inner joy when you realize the power of silence.
Practicing Active Non Engagement in the public space requires more effort and planning. When dealing with bank tellers, simply stare at them and fill out the required documentation. They will try to break your will with “..how are you today sir?’ don’t respond, just nod and hand them the forms. You avoided falling onto their trap of fake empathy and shallow repeated phrases. You have been actively non engaged! They will think twice and wonder why you are not a zombie like them. Not verbalizing things that don’t need to be verbalized is a truly liberating experience! Use this technique at the Post Office, the grocery store or any other service provider you come into contact with.
If you must speak during the day, do it with as few words as possible. One or two word answers spoken clearly in an elevated tone will suffice. NEVER repeat yourself. 99.99% of the time when people say “What..” or Huh?” or what’d you say” – they heard you the first time., they are just trapped in the ‘I repeat myself like a retarded moron all day long’, mindset. Don’t repeat it. Let their idiotic babbling hang in the air. Their slow minds will recall what you said – don’t worry, they heard you the first time. Not repeating yourself will elevate your consciousness to new heights. You have not expended extra energy to repeat something you have already did – for someone else! Think about it – they are demanding that you repeat yourself. They are telling you what to do and how to do it. No, don’t let them. You will gain more respect and let people know that you don’t chew that shit twice – listen up dumb ass!
You are not required to entertain people. You are not a cruise director or a day care manager. Let them find someone else to do tricks for them. You are not a barking seal entertaining children and paying adults, let them go to Sea World for that.
Enjoy the practice of active non engagement. Notice how some people cannot stand gaps in conversation. They are always running their mouths. Let them, just stare straight ahead and wonder when they are going to shut up. When they do, say nothing. Observe how uncomfortable they become. Now you are playing by your set of rules, not theirs. You have now stemmed the tide of stupidity and noise pollution and have made the world a better place to live. You are a liberator of the mind and an escapee from the mental asylum of endless diatribe and ceaseless blathering – you have raised the bar for human interaction and left the rabble perplexed at their insanity.
talks too much, shut up, idiots, moronic babbling, chanting, stupid people, nothing to say, mindless, diatribe, dialogue, talker, talkers who talk, active non engagement, texting, facebook,myspace, social media
talks too much, shut up, idiots, moronic babbling, chanting, stupid people, nothing to say, mindless, diatribe, dialogue, talker, talkers who talk, active non engagement, texting, facebook,myspace, social media
Mr Magazine Man
I was in between jobs and looking for a way to pay the rent and catch up on the phone bill. My options at the time were limited and I was barely surviving with a courier job delivering small packages throughout the city of Jacksonville, Fl. I heard through a friend about a job in the 'publishing' and magazine business. I began to think of the high profile world of publishing and writing for magazines, traveling the world and meeting important people - this couldn't of been further from the truth.
I met John, the owner of the company in a telephone interview and he assured me that the Jacksonville market was 'wide open' and all needed was someone to 'take the ball and run with it', to help his magazine business grow. We set up a time to meet and discuss opening the Jacksonville market. John was the typ of guy who liked to throw money around and try to impress people - this was evident at our first meeting where we ate at a five star restaurant at Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fl. After dinner we went back to his suite to talk about how to approach the Jacksonville market. Upon entering the room, John began to talk about titles his company offered and the legitimacy of his publishing business. Then came the truth. He opened a briefcase and out spilled several pornographic magazines. "this", he said "is what we sell the most of..." although we carry all the major titles like Sports Illustrated, Cosmo, Field and Stream, etc. All right, I thought, how bad can it be? I sell and distribute all the major magazine titles and some 'other' titles as well, I needed the job. John explained that I would have a van for delivery and store maintenance and that he had two stores to start with. The two stores were owned by Syrians and their family network of store ownership extended to over 50 locations in Duval County. The potential was there for a quick start and a possible distributorship of my own.
We arranged to have the magazines drop shipped to my house as the new titles dropped. I separated them and organized bins with each stores delivery in it. The first six months were the most difficult. The language barrier and the Syrians' distrust of me seemed impossible to overcome at the time. I felt that these people truly hated me for some reason. They were very foreign and extremely weird. The store owners had makeshift efficiency apartments behind the counters in their stores. they slept on the floor, covered in brightly colored blankets, they sipped yerba mate tea through a device that looked like a hash pipe. Their eyes would glaze over when they drank that shit I swear they were getting high off of it. My foreign comrades smoked incessantly and they always thought they were being ripped off..Middle Eastern music was played in the background. I felt like I was in Marakesh! The Syrians always kept loaded weapons behind the counter in obtuse places. I once reached into a magazine rack and pulled out a loaded .45. I once asked one of the store owners how he liked owning a business in the Untied States, his attitude was best summed up in the following quote "... both countries fuck you, at least over here they give you a kiss while they're doing it!" I was able to gradually warm up to the Syrians and slowly acquire more of their business as they saw me week after week. Every now and then I would hear them say "..you call my cousin he have three store on Westside..." or "...I open new store at beach, you go there next week and talk to Sam.." Over eighty percent of these guys were named Sam, John or Saieed, pronounced 'Sod' or 'Si-eed'. A sa lama laka! I was learning their language, Shukrahn! All of my accounts were independently run convenience stores, none were corporately owned. None were the same however they all sold the same endless stream of completely useless items. Anything they put on the counter would sell and rack and counter space was always being fought for. Every square inch of the counter was covered with keychains, roses in small tubes, lighters -just about anything they could fit in there. You could barely walk through some of the stores, they were so crowded. I remarked to one of them that you could probable take a dump in a box, out a $1.00 sticker on it - and someone would buy it.
After about a year or so I had 75 stores on my route. I was regularly stopping at every store each week as new titles came out. The mainstream magazines like Sports Illustrated, Cosmopolitan barely sold. They were just a front for the real business - porno mags. I put them out then picked them up. the publisher would give a credit to the company if the magazine was returned when the new edition came out. Hustller, Penthouse, Playboy, etc accounted for 99% of the business. Selling these magazines in a pre internet environment was like selling drugs to junkies. It was like a feeding frenzy. Every month, people would wait for the new editions to arrive. I had no idea of the appetite for this type of material. It was sick and these people needed help. I regularly carried an additional 5 - 10 bundles, (50 in a bundle) of Hustler, Penthouse and Playboy - and regularly sold every single one of them, I could never keep enough in the van. "Hey Mr Magazine Man" become my calling card and the mantra of the store owners. Not every store was able to sell them though. The really poor stores in the worst areas of town couldn't sell them. When I asked the owner of the Blue Front store on Moncreif Blvd, his response was "...Steve...why would they pay $5 for the magazine when the hit of crack is $2 and the girl is $2,,, why Steve, why they pay for that?" That was a defining moment and we laughed about it for weeks.
No wonder John was able to throw around money like he did, he was a direct arm of organized crime in the pornography business. As a result, my business continued to grow and I saw more and more of the seedy downside of life. Stores got robbed. A crackhead was shot and killed in one of my stores, thankfully I wasn't there at the time. One of the Syrians shot him on the way out the door of an attempted robbery on the Westside. A store owner near my house was stabbed in the throat after being followed home and robbed. He died at the seen, left behind a wife and two kids. Another one lost his six year old son to an accidental shooting after the kid and the kids cousin found one of their loaded weapons and it accidentally went off. Add all of this to the fact that most of the stores were located in bad parts of town and it was a cash business. It was nothing for me to regularly collect over $10K a week, more than half of it in cash. I rented a small warehouse and the magazines were coming in upwards of 5 pallets a week.The business was starting to get big. John would fly me to Atlanta for the weekend to go to his cabin on the lake and ride jet skis and party with the other employees. He had all the toys - new cars, ATV's, jet ski's - he was living the life - of a porno pushing gangster. I got raises every year and continued to expand the business, all the while feeling nauseous about the whole ordeal. I really didn't like what I was doing and wanted to get out.
My income continued to grow as we expanded into video sales. The law in Duval County at the time stated that any display of pornographic material could be deemed offensive and the offending party could be arrested for it. In other words, selective enforcement. This was ramped up considerably during city and county elections. The local authorities began to focus on my venue of video sales. Luckily I was never caught up in one of their dragnets however I dealt with store owners that were. I was too quick for them. I was in and out of those store in a flash, typically in the morning so I was never caught. The store owners however were sitting ducks for selective enforcement. One of them was ticketed and fined, another hauled off to jail. The guy called screaming at me that we owed him bail money. I told him to take it up with the local authorities, they are the perpetrators here, not me. I was shouted at and threatened however I continued to sell them, the money was too easy. The wholesale cost of a typical video was $2. I got them for $5 and sold them for $20. the store owners then sold them for $25 - $30. I sold what we called 'Tear off's' or 'rips'. for $2 each. These were back dated issues with the cover torn off. As long as the publisher got the cover back, the business got credited for the magazine. I would routinely make an extra $2-300 per week from the tear off's and more from the video sales.The money was getting better however I still wanted out.
The end came right after I secured a deal with the largest newsstand in the county. They had five outlets throughout the city and would generate over $10K in revenue. This would put gross weekly sales somewhere near $25K per week. If I kept 1/10th of that, I would make over $100 grand per year! I was literally praying to God to get me out of this awful business and at the same time thinking of the money I could make being a porno gangster. I thought about running my own warehouse, buying a computer system, hiring employees - and I even hired one! Gave him a van and set him up in Ocala and Gainesville, Fl. After getting a tacit agreement with the newsstand outlet to carry our product, one of the supervisors came down to ride with me for the day. After lunch, he informed me that I was being fired. My prayers were answered! I was angry initially however that faded. I had no job and no vehicle yet I felt better than I had in a long time. At least I was away from the daily sale of a bad habit to a weak public. The company never got the newsstand account and the rest of their business dried up except for a few stores that were drop shipped each month. I think the mob got to John for something, to this day I can find no reference of him or his company. It's just as it should be - like it never existed.
Magazine sales, porno sales, bad habit, route sales, convenience stores, magazines, mr magazine man, syrian store owners, syrians
I met John, the owner of the company in a telephone interview and he assured me that the Jacksonville market was 'wide open' and all needed was someone to 'take the ball and run with it', to help his magazine business grow. We set up a time to meet and discuss opening the Jacksonville market. John was the typ of guy who liked to throw money around and try to impress people - this was evident at our first meeting where we ate at a five star restaurant at Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fl. After dinner we went back to his suite to talk about how to approach the Jacksonville market. Upon entering the room, John began to talk about titles his company offered and the legitimacy of his publishing business. Then came the truth. He opened a briefcase and out spilled several pornographic magazines. "this", he said "is what we sell the most of..." although we carry all the major titles like Sports Illustrated, Cosmo, Field and Stream, etc. All right, I thought, how bad can it be? I sell and distribute all the major magazine titles and some 'other' titles as well, I needed the job. John explained that I would have a van for delivery and store maintenance and that he had two stores to start with. The two stores were owned by Syrians and their family network of store ownership extended to over 50 locations in Duval County. The potential was there for a quick start and a possible distributorship of my own.
We arranged to have the magazines drop shipped to my house as the new titles dropped. I separated them and organized bins with each stores delivery in it. The first six months were the most difficult. The language barrier and the Syrians' distrust of me seemed impossible to overcome at the time. I felt that these people truly hated me for some reason. They were very foreign and extremely weird. The store owners had makeshift efficiency apartments behind the counters in their stores. they slept on the floor, covered in brightly colored blankets, they sipped yerba mate tea through a device that looked like a hash pipe. Their eyes would glaze over when they drank that shit I swear they were getting high off of it. My foreign comrades smoked incessantly and they always thought they were being ripped off..Middle Eastern music was played in the background. I felt like I was in Marakesh! The Syrians always kept loaded weapons behind the counter in obtuse places. I once reached into a magazine rack and pulled out a loaded .45. I once asked one of the store owners how he liked owning a business in the Untied States, his attitude was best summed up in the following quote "... both countries fuck you, at least over here they give you a kiss while they're doing it!" I was able to gradually warm up to the Syrians and slowly acquire more of their business as they saw me week after week. Every now and then I would hear them say "..you call my cousin he have three store on Westside..." or "...I open new store at beach, you go there next week and talk to Sam.." Over eighty percent of these guys were named Sam, John or Saieed, pronounced 'Sod' or 'Si-eed'. A sa lama laka! I was learning their language, Shukrahn! All of my accounts were independently run convenience stores, none were corporately owned. None were the same however they all sold the same endless stream of completely useless items. Anything they put on the counter would sell and rack and counter space was always being fought for. Every square inch of the counter was covered with keychains, roses in small tubes, lighters -just about anything they could fit in there. You could barely walk through some of the stores, they were so crowded. I remarked to one of them that you could probable take a dump in a box, out a $1.00 sticker on it - and someone would buy it.
After about a year or so I had 75 stores on my route. I was regularly stopping at every store each week as new titles came out. The mainstream magazines like Sports Illustrated, Cosmopolitan barely sold. They were just a front for the real business - porno mags. I put them out then picked them up. the publisher would give a credit to the company if the magazine was returned when the new edition came out. Hustller, Penthouse, Playboy, etc accounted for 99% of the business. Selling these magazines in a pre internet environment was like selling drugs to junkies. It was like a feeding frenzy. Every month, people would wait for the new editions to arrive. I had no idea of the appetite for this type of material. It was sick and these people needed help. I regularly carried an additional 5 - 10 bundles, (50 in a bundle) of Hustler, Penthouse and Playboy - and regularly sold every single one of them, I could never keep enough in the van. "Hey Mr Magazine Man" become my calling card and the mantra of the store owners. Not every store was able to sell them though. The really poor stores in the worst areas of town couldn't sell them. When I asked the owner of the Blue Front store on Moncreif Blvd, his response was "...Steve...why would they pay $5 for the magazine when the hit of crack is $2 and the girl is $2,,, why Steve, why they pay for that?" That was a defining moment and we laughed about it for weeks.
No wonder John was able to throw around money like he did, he was a direct arm of organized crime in the pornography business. As a result, my business continued to grow and I saw more and more of the seedy downside of life. Stores got robbed. A crackhead was shot and killed in one of my stores, thankfully I wasn't there at the time. One of the Syrians shot him on the way out the door of an attempted robbery on the Westside. A store owner near my house was stabbed in the throat after being followed home and robbed. He died at the seen, left behind a wife and two kids. Another one lost his six year old son to an accidental shooting after the kid and the kids cousin found one of their loaded weapons and it accidentally went off. Add all of this to the fact that most of the stores were located in bad parts of town and it was a cash business. It was nothing for me to regularly collect over $10K a week, more than half of it in cash. I rented a small warehouse and the magazines were coming in upwards of 5 pallets a week.The business was starting to get big. John would fly me to Atlanta for the weekend to go to his cabin on the lake and ride jet skis and party with the other employees. He had all the toys - new cars, ATV's, jet ski's - he was living the life - of a porno pushing gangster. I got raises every year and continued to expand the business, all the while feeling nauseous about the whole ordeal. I really didn't like what I was doing and wanted to get out.
My income continued to grow as we expanded into video sales. The law in Duval County at the time stated that any display of pornographic material could be deemed offensive and the offending party could be arrested for it. In other words, selective enforcement. This was ramped up considerably during city and county elections. The local authorities began to focus on my venue of video sales. Luckily I was never caught up in one of their dragnets however I dealt with store owners that were. I was too quick for them. I was in and out of those store in a flash, typically in the morning so I was never caught. The store owners however were sitting ducks for selective enforcement. One of them was ticketed and fined, another hauled off to jail. The guy called screaming at me that we owed him bail money. I told him to take it up with the local authorities, they are the perpetrators here, not me. I was shouted at and threatened however I continued to sell them, the money was too easy. The wholesale cost of a typical video was $2. I got them for $5 and sold them for $20. the store owners then sold them for $25 - $30. I sold what we called 'Tear off's' or 'rips'. for $2 each. These were back dated issues with the cover torn off. As long as the publisher got the cover back, the business got credited for the magazine. I would routinely make an extra $2-300 per week from the tear off's and more from the video sales.The money was getting better however I still wanted out.
The end came right after I secured a deal with the largest newsstand in the county. They had five outlets throughout the city and would generate over $10K in revenue. This would put gross weekly sales somewhere near $25K per week. If I kept 1/10th of that, I would make over $100 grand per year! I was literally praying to God to get me out of this awful business and at the same time thinking of the money I could make being a porno gangster. I thought about running my own warehouse, buying a computer system, hiring employees - and I even hired one! Gave him a van and set him up in Ocala and Gainesville, Fl. After getting a tacit agreement with the newsstand outlet to carry our product, one of the supervisors came down to ride with me for the day. After lunch, he informed me that I was being fired. My prayers were answered! I was angry initially however that faded. I had no job and no vehicle yet I felt better than I had in a long time. At least I was away from the daily sale of a bad habit to a weak public. The company never got the newsstand account and the rest of their business dried up except for a few stores that were drop shipped each month. I think the mob got to John for something, to this day I can find no reference of him or his company. It's just as it should be - like it never existed.
Magazine sales, porno sales, bad habit, route sales, convenience stores, magazines, mr magazine man, syrian store owners, syrians
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Leader That Wasn't
How is a leader judged? What inherent qualities must a leader have to successfully lead people to a desired outcome? Is past success in a different time and place any indication of present ability?
All of these questions come to mind when taking a look at the most recent events that have transpired in a strange corporate reality of uninformed decisions, misplaced priorities and just plain bad actions.
Money is the fuel to make a business run and when someone siphons fuel in the middle of the night or by proxy, the business eventually grinds to a halt. The recipe for disaster is complete when a struggling start up is funded for a year and a new CEO is hired and is paid over double what the prior CEO made. The situation gets worse when Mr. Spendhappy hires, travels, prints and otherwise burns through cash like there is no tomorrow, comes up empty after four months and has grand dreams of acquiring investment capital with 10 days left to a board meeting. Is a leader judged by the amount of cash he burns through in the shortest period of time? Is the justification of outrageous budget expenditures an inherent quality of genuine leadership? Since our hero has raised large capital in different industries decades ago, does this means it’s reproduceable in this day and age? The answer is a resounding No.
Giant egos from past successes are probably an unavoidable fact of life however when Sir Egomania speaks incessantly of his decades old accomplishments, it makes one cringe as it scorches your hearing for the umpteenth time. Enough already! My God man, even the office manager has heard enough of your “I am Gods gift to the universe” speeches! Please, I am begging you to shut the fuck up about yourself! Along with giant egos comes a haughty eyed disgust for the “little people” as he calls them. The snarky comments are tiresome and loathing especially when they are untrue. Our fearless leader can’t even distinguish between bandwith and a fiber connection and has to make shallow, stammering remarks in regards to it. The only people that act like that are men that have never been in a fight and people you don’t trust because you cant have a beer with them. Must all leaders have giant insatiable egos and does their past behavior beget more abuse for future underlings, the ‘little people’? The answer is a thunderous No.
Teamwork and departmental communication are stalwarts of business success and must be ever present in a business environment. Apparently no one has informed Our Dear Leader of this. His method runs contrary to this universal principle. Captain Chaos chooses to hide away from engineering, (the creators of our product) and is more comfortable asking other employees about “..what is going on back there..?” He has been here for four months and has had one meeting with the entire staff. This meeting was heavily prefaced with “…We might not continue on as a business… We will definitely run out of money and we’re looking for outside investment… and – (my favorite) – “ ..don’t worry, all of you are very talented, I’m sure you will all find your passion in a new place to work, you don’t need to go jumping out of buildings or anything…– direct quote” Thank you Superman, for setting us all straight . Maybe you can take your jumping out of buildings advice and show us how its done! Do effective leaders hide away from the critical tasks at hand?
Do successful leaders have insular and elitist attitudes towards the people they are trying to lead? Has this game of hide and seek and debasing commentary worked for leaders in the past? I dare say No, not now nor ever.
Science fiction, fantasy and pipe dreams have their place in the world of literature however not in the world of business. Unfortunately, our Alpha Team Hero lives in this realm. Maybe Mr. President has a hearing problem because when engineers and inventors of the product scream to him that the product is not ready, he replies with “…why do you wanna rain on my parade..?” Let’s ship it! It works!. No sir, it doesn’t. And by the way, thank you for making me look like a horses ass for the fifth time by telling potential clients we are shipping and the product works – and the fact is, we are not shipping (again) and the product doesn’t work. Don’t worry dear reader, it gets worse! The actions listed above were used to create revenue schedules and yearly numbers! Out of thin air. To compound this atrocity, Mr. Revenue Man was dead sure that we would get another $1.15 million from the primary investor, one month ago. Oh he had his reasons, his false justifications and his phony projections. He really believed this heaping pile of manure and honestly thought it would go over without a hitch. He could not have been more wrong. Needless to say, the primary investor was enraged and told him absolutely no. Do leadership qualities include sociopathic tendencies and an abject denial of reality? Are these acceptable leadership traits that have been applied in the past? A most resounding and vociferous No is the answer here.
Hidden agendas, ulterior motives and duplicitous actions should have no place in a successful business. To the contrary, our Dishonest Abe doesn’t think so. When a meeting is set to speak about the product we are working on and the conversation is diverted half way through the meeting to speak about something entirely different and beneficial only to the Head Corporate Spy, the definition of ulterior motive is achieved. As usual, I asked our leader, “how do you want to handle this meeting, who will speak, when and what about,” his response was ,“ I can handle it”. Handle it he did – he completely shanked our intended presentation, then went headlong into his “solution” that has nothing to do with why we were there in the first place. He asked me to “close my ears”, with a snarky, haughty eyed smirk and proceeded with his hidden agenda. It got stranger after we left when he practically teared up as we passed the hotel he lived in for a while when he moved to Mobile, Alabama. Thank God he didn’t drive me by the Azaleas he so happily proclaimed as a necessary viewing… Are all good leaders duplicitous in their actions? Are hidden agendas and ulterior motives a necessary requisite for leadership? God, I hope not.
Our brief examination of leadership has more so defined what a leader is not and should not become. The kingship of the above mentioned individual is coming to a bad end. We will run out of money, he will not secure new investment and our future is a question mark. It is a sad state of affairs and could have been avoided if our anti- hero was not ensconced with extraordinary spending power. I know this to be true because he told me that after next week, he will be “working from home”. Yeah, right – translation – looking for the next blood bag to attach himself to and drain in the middle of the night.
(Update: Our Dear Leader was fired, for cause – conflict of interest- universal laws do exist!)
leadership, bad leadership, incompetent leadership, corporate fraud, corporate graft, abuse, conflict of interest, fired CEO's, fired
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