Don't Ask

If you have a question, think twice before asking. Questions are great opportunities for the person being asked to flaunt their perceived superiority over you.  They love it and you can see the sarcasm and superior attitude begin to formulate on their face right after the question is asked. This is their way of affirming their status and speaking down to you. It is a petty power play to make them feel superior in their minds to the person asking the question.

Delays and not answering are also tactics of the feeble minded to try and get under your skin. They know damned well that the question is simple and can be dispensed of in a matter of seconds however they prefer to delay, not answer and pretend the question was not asked. This increases their perceived superiority.

Another tactic is to throw the question back at you and ask you for an answer that you do not have. This tactic is used when a manager wants to put an employee in their place. The employees asks “… hey – can you take a look at this proposal and let me know what you think? Them manager responds with,
well, what do you think?” Answering a question with a question is a well-worn tactic. Examples of this are “..well ,what is the real question?”  This type of answer pre-supposes a motive behind the question that is not being presented indicating lack of trust and an expectation of ulterior motives and dishonesty in the original question.

Asking a ‘higher up’ or in this case, the attorney about what other roles and responsibilities she might have in the organization other than contracts can also get you questioned. This will be seen as an affront and an insult to the attorney. How dare you ask her about what other activities or tasks she has! How dare you speak to her at all! You will be confronted with “I heard you asked the attorney about what else she does..” “She took that as an insult about her capability…”   Good, I thought. If she’s that mentally weak, maybe her capability is lacking.

The biggest problem with all of this cloak and dagger, smoke and mirrors chess game of asking a simple question is the culture of distrust and negativity it breeds in the people that run a company, its managers and employees.  Lower rung employees instantly glom onto the preferred method of answering questions with a question, deflecting and becoming obtuse and sarcastic. Before you know it, the entire staff is a miserable, aloof and confrontational bunch whose presence you cannot stand while the mere sight of them makes you want to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

Attorneys

Should we all bow down and worship the ground attorneys walk on? Does an individual become a demi-god when they become an attorney? You would think that they do based on their superior , holier - than - thou attitudes toward the lowly non- attorneys in the world.

Ever notice that attorneys NEVER call you back or respond to you as other people would in the normal non attorney world? I should just send a letter of apology to every attorney in the state , apologizing for not being an attorney and existing in the same mortal plane as them. Is the attorneys status one of Overlord and Alpha-Omega in the human realm? Are we even allowed to speak to them without their express consent? Next time I pass an attorney in the hallway I will simply get on my knees and shield my mortal eyes from them. I certainly don't want to upset them, for they hold the keys to life, death and your income within our existence.

When having to work with an attorney at your company ,you might find that THEY are the ones that call the shots, make the decisions and determine your income and ability to succeed. Not the President of the company, not the CEO and certainly not a manager or a VP - its the attorney that decides. When communicating with the attorney ,(if you are allowed that privilege), by all means be as direct as possible and make sure your communication is absolutely perfect - or you will have hell to pay. If they ask you for help with a particular definition or nuance of a company description, you better make sure you get it right! If you don't, you will be summarily chastised, scolded and berated in the permanent record of a legal document. Then you will be scolded again if you email them but do not properly upload the correction in the exact place of the document even though it was an informal request. They determine reality! It is not the normal reality we are used to - it is Attorney Reality - which changes as they see fit and will be lorded over you every chance they get.  God help you if you have to submit a one sentence clarification and a change of a number of usernames which is really no big deal and easily approved by management. The attorney will sit on this 30 second change for 3-5 days before deciding whether or not your deal will be approved. It is their nature to continually lord over you and control as much of your income , destiny and sanity as possible. 

Do not ever ask the attorney a question outside of your exacting definition of your role within an organization. You will be quickly told, "..you are not allowed to know that.." and "..I can't answer that question, you are not supposed to be asking that.."as though we are 5 year olds and need a spanking. The Attorney Reality follows them as they waltz through the halls of your building with superior stares and lofty looks. They truly believe that they are above the common rabble! Their belief is that they are Gods among men! I believe that their lack of response and time delays for simple one word changes in contracts is due to them justifying their existence and perpetuating Attorney Reality on all unsuspecting non- attorneys. Just like the Shamans in ancient villages that danced around the fire in colorful tribal headdress and paint and wailed for hours under the influence of hallucinogenic plants - the attorneys do the same by delaying, waiting and generally not communicating with the common folk. Their lack of communication and unbearable delays are their shamanic ritual to let you know that THEY are in charge, they determine reality and only they can provide the solutions!
It is truly a demented and twisted way to make a living., for it is based on delay, trickery and lofty perceptions of regular people that happen to have passed the bar and now call themselves attorneys. 

Shamanic ceremonies end in a catharsis of the shaman as he twists and turns and takes on the spirits to determine a better outcome for the village, the attorney is no different. His mind twists and turns over the obvious and simple and he or she makes a big deal out of sitting down and reading a document which he or she will eventually sign off on in a week or so, this is their dance and catharsis they perform for all unwitting non attorneys. They just want to make sure that you believe you are getting your moneys worth, hence the delay, the wrangling and all the drama leading up to a 30 second decision that they know can be completed quickly. Without the delay, the dance and the cathartic act of signing off on a trivial detail to a contract, how else would the attorney be able to prove his or her status of demi-god amongst men?   They need the drama, the shamanic ceremony and the cathartic act of signing which we are so happy to finally get that we continue worshiping the self appointed demi-gods as the village elders of our time when in reality they are nothing more than overpaid shills perpetuating a false reality and an overblown ego.