Thursday, February 21, 2013

Unknown Intruder Locks Down Building


Unknown Intruder Locks Down Building Demanding Answer


An unidentified Florida man has gained access into a local employers security system and has locked down the building demanding an answer from the employer. Apparently, the man was not armed and presented no immediate threat to the over 200 employees at the facility.

The man, according to sources within the building, is an unidentified out of work Floridian that "...just wants some answers and wants them now.." after allegedly being told by the employer that he would be informed last Friday in regards to a position that that he has done two interviews for. The man also stated that he has spent one and a half days driving and interviewing for the position and has incurred a fuel charge of $40. No employee has been able to enter or leave the building for the last eight hours and management is meeting to try and configure an answer for the man who has reportedly said  "...Time is not the issue here, answers are.."

Management is working feverishly to try and come up with a solution for the man and end the situation without incident however with the newly reported cases of cranial rectal inversion in the company, a quick resolution is highly doubtful. Third party negotiation teams are being flown in this evening to assist the management and ownership team in getting the answers the man has asked for. It is a complicated situation, some of the answers the man is demanding are "When will you make a hiring decision?" and "Will I be granted a third interview opportunity?" Upper management is at a complete standstill as to the nature of the question and any possible answers.

The local police have the situation contained and given the nature of the incident, the SWAT team has not been called out.The man has ordered pizzas for the employees, (at the company's expense), and is being hailed a a 'local hero' from the denizens of unemployed and answer seeking individuals across the country.  Local responders are also beginning to empathize with the man citing lack of overtime and relatives that are in the same situation.

The man has stated that the building will remain locked down until he gets an answer. Employees are beginning to sympathize with the mans plight saying that the company has always refused to make decisions of any kind and that some of them don't even know why they work there- they just show up, pretend to work and get a paycheck. They have seen their employer act this way before yet no one has ever done anything about it and they are hailing this action as a "first" and "long overdue". Workers are calculating the extra hours spent at work during the crisis and will demand equivalent time off after it has been resolved. Everyone seems willing to wait for answers from management and are hopeful the third party negotiators can help resolve the situation by this evening or tomorrow at the latest. 


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