Black history month is upon us. God bless any group of people, whatever their color however I don't see a need to single out "Black" versus "Non Black" to honor for a 28 day time period every year. Political correctness dictates that we just sit down, shut up and go along for the ride, I don't think so. In honor of Black History Month, I have created How to Not be a A Racist in Ten Easy Steps.
1. Blame yourself for all that ills society because you are white..or yellow...or brown,(or any other color).
2. Realize you suck because you are not black.
3. Worship all non white, (yellow, brown or any other color), people as superior.
4. Learn Ebonics.
5. Strongly believe in affirmative action, no matter what the cost.
6. Watch Oprah religiously and agree with her on everything.
7. Buy a home in the ghetto and refurbish it.
8. Believe OJ is innocent and the real killers are still out there.
9. Celebrate Kwanza.
10. Marry inter racially.
Congratulations! You are now not a racist!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Lost in Translation
Understanding what people really mean when attempting to communicate with them is important in order to know what they are really saying. The glossary below is a list of commonly heard phrases and their actual translations.
From a prospective employer - "How much do you need to pay your bills?'"
- translation- There is no opportunity here and even if there was, I would pay you less than your unemployment benefit.
"See you later"
- translation - I have no intention of seeing you and if I do I'll probably repeat the same idiotic phrase.
"According to your policy"
- translation- we won't cover it, we don't care and its not our fault that you are not well versed in the nuanced detail of our industry and how it works."
"Continuing education"
- translation- your "education" needs to be continued, therefore you really are a complete jackass and you definitely missed the boat the first time.
"Take the weekend and think about it"
- translation- I am an arrogant SOB, I am telling you to do something to ruin your weekend and I really don't care what you think about.
"Diversity"
- translation- one more thing to be held against you based on your race, creed or national origin.
"Do you mind taking a survey when our call is finished?" -translation - Our customer service dept. is so bad that we figured we would make it even worse by wasting more of your time.
"How was your weekend?"
- translation - I am very uncomfortable with awkward silences and I dont want them to think I am too hungover to speak.
"We need you to complete this pre-employment psychological survey"
- translation- Someone in our company read an article about the advantages of psychological screening in an airport then wasted obscene amounts of money on a generic psych test.
"We'll have to send that to the attorneys to look at"
- translation - Tell the office manager to post a $5000 charge to accounts payable.
"I'm a Christian"..(or a mormon, muslim,whatever)..(any organized religion as an introduction)...
- translation- Do not trust me, I will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. I will also seek ways to drain you and your company of all available funds.
"Your 'age bracket' typically has higher premiums, declinations and paramed exams"
-translation- You are too old for coverage, if we do extend health coverage to you, it will be ungodly expensive and you must first submit to all manner of body fluid screens and invasive medical examinations. You will probably be declined.
"Can we have a copy of your presentation, it was the best one ever!" -translation- We want to steal your ideas to use on our company website and make sure we dont compensate you for it.
"Baby on board"
-translation- I like visual obstructions in my rear window and I will hold my kid hostage for my lack of driving skills.
"Unlimited income opportunity"
-translation- Not only will you not make any money with us, we will charge you to work here.
"We pay you mileage and a car allowance"
-translation- This job will bury you in your car.
"Congratulations on your home loan modification!"
-translation- Thank you for agreeing to a $35,000 deferred balance that you cant pay off until you sell the home!
"Special needs"
-translation- Retarded.
"We will debit your account on the 24th"
-translation- We will take the money out of your account on the 23rd, either during the day or at midnight, know one knows, it's a mystery...
"I'm thinking about playing guitar on a street corner" -translation- Damn, I can't believe I'm this broke.
"This might be a little unpleasant"
-translation- It's gonna hurt like hell
"Back to school"
-translation- Thank God these kids finally have somewhere to go and something to do
"Both candidates sound the same"
-translation- they are.
"Have a nice day"
-translation- Everyone knows you don't mean it.
From a prospective employer - "How much do you need to pay your bills?'"
- translation- There is no opportunity here and even if there was, I would pay you less than your unemployment benefit.
"See you later"
- translation - I have no intention of seeing you and if I do I'll probably repeat the same idiotic phrase.
"According to your policy"
- translation- we won't cover it, we don't care and its not our fault that you are not well versed in the nuanced detail of our industry and how it works."
"Continuing education"
- translation- your "education" needs to be continued, therefore you really are a complete jackass and you definitely missed the boat the first time.
"Take the weekend and think about it"
- translation- I am an arrogant SOB, I am telling you to do something to ruin your weekend and I really don't care what you think about.
"Diversity"
- translation- one more thing to be held against you based on your race, creed or national origin.
"Do you mind taking a survey when our call is finished?" -translation - Our customer service dept. is so bad that we figured we would make it even worse by wasting more of your time.
"How was your weekend?"
- translation - I am very uncomfortable with awkward silences and I dont want them to think I am too hungover to speak.
"We need you to complete this pre-employment psychological survey"
- translation- Someone in our company read an article about the advantages of psychological screening in an airport then wasted obscene amounts of money on a generic psych test.
"We'll have to send that to the attorneys to look at"
- translation - Tell the office manager to post a $5000 charge to accounts payable.
"I'm a Christian"..(or a mormon, muslim,whatever)..(any organized religion as an introduction)...
- translation- Do not trust me, I will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. I will also seek ways to drain you and your company of all available funds.
"Your 'age bracket' typically has higher premiums, declinations and paramed exams"
-translation- You are too old for coverage, if we do extend health coverage to you, it will be ungodly expensive and you must first submit to all manner of body fluid screens and invasive medical examinations. You will probably be declined.
"Can we have a copy of your presentation, it was the best one ever!" -translation- We want to steal your ideas to use on our company website and make sure we dont compensate you for it.
"Baby on board"
-translation- I like visual obstructions in my rear window and I will hold my kid hostage for my lack of driving skills.
"Unlimited income opportunity"
-translation- Not only will you not make any money with us, we will charge you to work here.
"We pay you mileage and a car allowance"
-translation- This job will bury you in your car.
"Congratulations on your home loan modification!"
-translation- Thank you for agreeing to a $35,000 deferred balance that you cant pay off until you sell the home!
"Special needs"
-translation- Retarded.
"We will debit your account on the 24th"
-translation- We will take the money out of your account on the 23rd, either during the day or at midnight, know one knows, it's a mystery...
"I'm thinking about playing guitar on a street corner" -translation- Damn, I can't believe I'm this broke.
"This might be a little unpleasant"
-translation- It's gonna hurt like hell
"Back to school"
-translation- Thank God these kids finally have somewhere to go and something to do
"Both candidates sound the same"
-translation- they are.
"Have a nice day"
-translation- Everyone knows you don't mean it.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2012 Predictions
1. The economy will continue to stall and sputter, unemployment (officially) will increase to 11.25%, unofficially, it will remain above 22%, (accounting for all underemployed, those that just gave up and those that have run out of benefits and are off the grid).
2. War with Iran by the fall. This will be conducted through drone attacks and other high tech weaponry to prevent 'boots on the ground'.
3. Average price of gasoline will settle around $5.25 per gallon.
4. Packers win the Superbowl.
5. Food prices contiune to escalate, essentially doubling what they are today, December 31st, 2011.
6. Electric cars are realized as an epic fail and a push towards hybrids is seen as a viable solution.
7. The federal government continues its nanny state tactics by instituting TSA checkpoints and security gates in football arenas and other public spaces.
8. The banking takeover will continue as banks further restrict lending and look to confiscate more property nationwide. Banks begin merging with Wal Mart and other retail outlets and push for an escalation of the cashless society.
8. The concept of aerial drone surveillance is 'sold' to the American public as a 'safety' issue and good for our overall welfare. Major cities begin to draw up plans to have 24/7 drone surveillance.
9. Food stamp issuance will increase by 20%, bringing the number of food stamp recipients to 80 million nationwide.
10. High Speed Internet connection in the home will begin providing all media, displacing cable and satellite service.
11. Smart phones get less expensive and more purchases are made with them further escalating the cashless society.
12. Having more than $500 cash on you at any time is seen as suspicious and can be grounds for a warrant less search of your vehicle or premises.
13. Books will continue being replaced with electronic media.
14. The unemployed will begin to be seen as a 'sub-class' of people and the federal and state government will begin to require mandatory work camps and and administrative duties to aid the bankrupt municipalities and states. Downsized government workers get replaced with the unemployed at a fraction of their pay. This is hailed as 'progress' to keep the cities and states from going completely insolvent.
15. Vehicle registration fees, property taxes, licensing - all double to make up for the shortfall.
16. More retailers and grocery stores go under and we have less choice about where to shop.
17. Depression, anxiety and mental illness all increase exponentially- making it a boom for the pharmaceutical industry however a complete bust for the health of the American public.
18. People will travel less, (already evident in the last 10 years). No one can afford to go anywhere.
19. Having a good job will be seen as an upper class entitlement - they will be rare and the competition for them will be fierce.
20. The dollar will continue to plummet in value. Income less than $50,000 a year for a family of 4 will be seen as poverty level.
21. Alcohol sales will skyrocket. Gambling will increase. The lottery business as well as any form of gambling will increase.
22. Health insurance will be more difficult to qualify for. Underwriting requirements will tighten and cheaper, HMO type plans will be offered in a herding mentality and sold as a way to "get the health benefits you need at a price you can afford". These plans will not cover much, there will be limitations for certain illnesses, waiting and exclusionary periods and limited networks. The uneducated public will glom on to these plans and feel good about 'having health insurance'- all the while unaware of the plans limitations.
23. People with the ability to do so will leave the country. Retirees will opt for Belize, Mexico or the Philippines. Businesses will also continue to leave from fear of the corporate tax and all other manner of taxation and regulation. It will become too expensive to do business in the United States.
24. The federal govt will begin scanning your laptop and personal data devices at airports- this will be a precursor to same type searches by the police when pulled over or questioned. Information gleaned from these searches will be complied in central data banks to be held against you when applying for health, life or property insurance.
25. IVP 6 - the "internet of things" is already in existence and will be officially rolled out in 2012. Everything will have a computer chip in it, most will not even be visible. This will allow your trash to be scanned- already being done in Cleveland Ohio- and all items accounted for and downloaded to create predictive behavior algorithms assigned to your person, address and family. This information about you and your family will be third partied to the corporate world for risk assessment, advertising and all other manner of potential corporate gain at your expense.
26. Everything you buy on a credit or debit card is already being downloaded and saved to create a 'profile' about you and your habits. Cable and satellite companies have been doing this for years and the trend is to increase the surveillance of their customer base. All of this data will be merged with the above example and sold to the highest bidder.
27. Key card locks will be introduced as 'safer' than traditional keys. These key cards will operate much the same as a credit card although they will time date stamp all of your comings and goings and, as above, eventually end up in the hands of the highest bidder. These records (and the above) will all be seen as admissible in a court of law- opening up a whole new venue for attorneys to further exasperate their already outrageous fees.
28. Prison overcrowding will become such a problem that violent felons will be early released creating a new crime wave.
29. The constitutional nature of our government will be further eroded with more 'super committees' and the like and Congress and the Senate will be seen essentially as sycophants for the superclass of corporate leaders who will dictate how this country rolls into the future.
30. Happy New Year!
2. War with Iran by the fall. This will be conducted through drone attacks and other high tech weaponry to prevent 'boots on the ground'.
3. Average price of gasoline will settle around $5.25 per gallon.
4. Packers win the Superbowl.
5. Food prices contiune to escalate, essentially doubling what they are today, December 31st, 2011.
6. Electric cars are realized as an epic fail and a push towards hybrids is seen as a viable solution.
7. The federal government continues its nanny state tactics by instituting TSA checkpoints and security gates in football arenas and other public spaces.
8. The banking takeover will continue as banks further restrict lending and look to confiscate more property nationwide. Banks begin merging with Wal Mart and other retail outlets and push for an escalation of the cashless society.
8. The concept of aerial drone surveillance is 'sold' to the American public as a 'safety' issue and good for our overall welfare. Major cities begin to draw up plans to have 24/7 drone surveillance.
9. Food stamp issuance will increase by 20%, bringing the number of food stamp recipients to 80 million nationwide.
10. High Speed Internet connection in the home will begin providing all media, displacing cable and satellite service.
11. Smart phones get less expensive and more purchases are made with them further escalating the cashless society.
12. Having more than $500 cash on you at any time is seen as suspicious and can be grounds for a warrant less search of your vehicle or premises.
13. Books will continue being replaced with electronic media.
14. The unemployed will begin to be seen as a 'sub-class' of people and the federal and state government will begin to require mandatory work camps and and administrative duties to aid the bankrupt municipalities and states. Downsized government workers get replaced with the unemployed at a fraction of their pay. This is hailed as 'progress' to keep the cities and states from going completely insolvent.
15. Vehicle registration fees, property taxes, licensing - all double to make up for the shortfall.
16. More retailers and grocery stores go under and we have less choice about where to shop.
17. Depression, anxiety and mental illness all increase exponentially- making it a boom for the pharmaceutical industry however a complete bust for the health of the American public.
18. People will travel less, (already evident in the last 10 years). No one can afford to go anywhere.
19. Having a good job will be seen as an upper class entitlement - they will be rare and the competition for them will be fierce.
20. The dollar will continue to plummet in value. Income less than $50,000 a year for a family of 4 will be seen as poverty level.
21. Alcohol sales will skyrocket. Gambling will increase. The lottery business as well as any form of gambling will increase.
22. Health insurance will be more difficult to qualify for. Underwriting requirements will tighten and cheaper, HMO type plans will be offered in a herding mentality and sold as a way to "get the health benefits you need at a price you can afford". These plans will not cover much, there will be limitations for certain illnesses, waiting and exclusionary periods and limited networks. The uneducated public will glom on to these plans and feel good about 'having health insurance'- all the while unaware of the plans limitations.
23. People with the ability to do so will leave the country. Retirees will opt for Belize, Mexico or the Philippines. Businesses will also continue to leave from fear of the corporate tax and all other manner of taxation and regulation. It will become too expensive to do business in the United States.
24. The federal govt will begin scanning your laptop and personal data devices at airports- this will be a precursor to same type searches by the police when pulled over or questioned. Information gleaned from these searches will be complied in central data banks to be held against you when applying for health, life or property insurance.
25. IVP 6 - the "internet of things" is already in existence and will be officially rolled out in 2012. Everything will have a computer chip in it, most will not even be visible. This will allow your trash to be scanned- already being done in Cleveland Ohio- and all items accounted for and downloaded to create predictive behavior algorithms assigned to your person, address and family. This information about you and your family will be third partied to the corporate world for risk assessment, advertising and all other manner of potential corporate gain at your expense.
26. Everything you buy on a credit or debit card is already being downloaded and saved to create a 'profile' about you and your habits. Cable and satellite companies have been doing this for years and the trend is to increase the surveillance of their customer base. All of this data will be merged with the above example and sold to the highest bidder.
27. Key card locks will be introduced as 'safer' than traditional keys. These key cards will operate much the same as a credit card although they will time date stamp all of your comings and goings and, as above, eventually end up in the hands of the highest bidder. These records (and the above) will all be seen as admissible in a court of law- opening up a whole new venue for attorneys to further exasperate their already outrageous fees.
28. Prison overcrowding will become such a problem that violent felons will be early released creating a new crime wave.
29. The constitutional nature of our government will be further eroded with more 'super committees' and the like and Congress and the Senate will be seen essentially as sycophants for the superclass of corporate leaders who will dictate how this country rolls into the future.
30. Happy New Year!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
"I'll be home (with In Laws) for Christmas..."
(Set to the rythym of 'I'll Be Home For Christmas')
I'll - be home- with - In---Laws...
Home with them to stay...
I'l - be - with -mis-e-rable in lawwws....
If only it wasn't please staaaayyyy
They can take their draaa-maa..take it far awayyyyy...
They can take their draaa-maaa..please take it- a-way- todayyy,,,
Leave your ign- ro-rant -state---ments..
Leave them - at - the - doooorrr...
When your mouth is moving - its- pain - ful...
You - are - worse- then - a borrrrre...
You're - making me want to drink more...
I reall-y dont- want- to....
If - you - dont- leave - I'll get --drunk...
And my next morning - is - screwed.....
So please now - leave - us -quiclky...
Leave - i beg - of thee...
Please now leave us quick - ly
Take- your dra-ma- and -post haste cease....
I'll - be home- with - In---Laws...
Home with them to stay...
I'l - be - with -mis-e-rable in lawwws....
If only it wasn't please staaaayyyy
They can take their draaa-maa..take it far awayyyyy...
They can take their draaa-maaa..please take it- a-way- todayyy,,,
Leave your ign- ro-rant -state---ments..
Leave them - at - the - doooorrr...
When your mouth is moving - its- pain - ful...
You - are - worse- then - a borrrrre...
You're - making me want to drink more...
I reall-y dont- want- to....
If - you - dont- leave - I'll get --drunk...
And my next morning - is - screwed.....
So please now - leave - us -quiclky...
Leave - i beg - of thee...
Please now leave us quick - ly
Take- your dra-ma- and -post haste cease....
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
How to Buy a Car With Less Than Perfect Credit
Buying a car doesn't have to be a miserable experience. It has been for me however I learned how to deal with lying, duplicitous and soulless car dealers and offer the following as a public service to those with little or no credit who must purchase a vehicle.
The first obvious thing to be aware of is how much can you afford per month and what type of car, (new or used) , do you think you want. New/used is a category I'll assign to vehicles with very little mileage on them that are 1 -2 years old or even less than a year old.
Begin your search based solely on price and mileage. Don't even consider what type of car it is - it doesn't matter. Allow yourself a price range say $3500 - $12000. This will bring you a lot of options from autotrader.com, craigslist or the like. Look only at vehicles from a dealer, they retain a shred of liability when you drive it of the lot. Start realizing what body styles and features you are comfortable with and find a new/used vehicle that might suit your needs. Remember that this is a process takes 1-2 weeks, if you're lucky.
When you find the new/used vehicle with acceptable pricing print out the 'deal' that you saw on the internet and take it to the dealer. Walk in and portray fake enthusiasm about the vehicle. Take it for a test drive. Sit down with the sales rep and let them run your credit. Play up the trade in value of your car. Let them get excited at the prospect of a 'sale'. Your intention here is to bait them into thinking that you are buying today, you just gotta get financed. You have no intention of buying anything today. They will eagerly scurry around and get you over to the finance manager to review your 'options'. The finance manager will act as you are a steak dinner to be consumed. Play along. His first 'offer' will be the most insulting thing to your intelligence you will probably ever see. Steady yourself. Tell him that the $454 or the $380 payment just won't do and you were thinking more along the lines of $325. He will hem and haw and show you more insulting, bogus, interest rate rape numbers. Now, you sit back, put your hands behind your head and tell him"..you know I really like that car..I just have to get my payment lower, whats my interest rate on these scenarios?" He will stare at you like you have three eyes. When the finance raper reluctantly shows you 14.25%, 13.9% and 12.9% - tell him - no way...can you do it near at least 7 or 8%? Remember- he thinks he has a sale! He will furrow his brow and act like a spoiled little bitch however he is now working hard to get the 'deal'. He might even get up and walk back to his little desk...let him, he's probably 100 lbs overweight and needs the exercise. He will eventually come back and say , Ok, I think we can do 8.9%. You then say "..wait a minute- let me call my wife.." Of course the wife's response is "no way, no how, not for that car". You then feign embarrassment and ask him to put the contingent 8.9% in writing, or at least get a copy of it and leave. You now have evidence of what percentage rate these shifty, greedy scum of the earth dealers will be able to give you when pressed.
Now its time to find the car you want. Going with a Japanese or Korean model will probably give you the highest dollar value. Look for dealers that are at least 50 miles from your home- you'll see why later.
Try to find a same year as present or one year old vehicle, under warranty that they have not yet sold and will need to get rid of because the new models arrive. If you live on a coast, look at dealers that are further inland - they are usually in economically depressed areas and will negotiate better with you. Plus, they are less stressed and more relaxed. You will probably find a car that is the only one on the lot that is a 'loss leader' at $3-4000 under MSRP. Go for that car if you're OK with the features, body style, etc. Print out the deal from the internet and go to look at that car only. The best case scenario is that it is new, under warranty yet discounted to move and attract people to the dealership. It can also be new and a year old, its still 'new'. Test drive the car. Complain about it. Ask why upgraded features are not in it. Set a tone of general disagreement with everything they say. Never agree with them about anything. Refer back to the internet 'deal' that you have now presented to them. Look for a similar car with upgrades already on it for near the same price. Keep quoting the price you have in your hand. Stick to it and don't waver. Watch them scramble like rats in a sewer. Eventually you will settle either on the original car or something similar.
Now the fun begins! Set aside at least a half a day or more for the dealership circus from hell. The 'sales agent', i.e. lying son of a bitch, will do his little dance for you then hand you off to the finance thief. The finance thief will repeat the scenario from above and you will sign off on a high interest loan with little or no reservation, (all part of the plan). Take the car home. Remember - 'home' is at least 50 miles away. You just drove a 'new' car off the lot. Instant 20% decrease in value. Now that new car will have over 100 miles on it when you bring it back. It aint 'new' anymore!! Hold the car overnight , then call the scum bag dealer the next morning at 9am sharp. Tell him there is no way you can own this car at the rate you signed on, sound pissed and tell him you are bringing it back RIGHT NOW, unless you give me 8.9%. Tell him "Ford was going to finance me for $1200 more than this amount at 8.9% and I will just go over there..." Listen for the stuttering, stammering crook throw up objections like his life depended on it. He will say"...just give me till lunch and I'll make some calls.." Hang up forcibly. The finance grifter will call you back in less than an hour and match that percentage rate. He will now be kissing your ass seven ways from Sunday and will promise you it will only take five minutes to change the paperwork.
When you arrive at the gates of hell dealership look upset. Make them get you coffee. Tell them you haven't slept all night, your wife threw the keys at you and you might get divorced over it. Let there be no room for these cockroaches to squirm through. Watch them sweat, they deserve it. Go over the new contract in painstaking detail. Make the hapless fool re-explain everything to you. Ask for a better rate, make them show you the credit denials and explain to you further why you have to be killed with interest. Finally, reluctantly sign the new contract. Walk out of the pit of hell slowly and look angered. Watch them get out of your way. Count the number of times they call you 'sir' and look down upon them. They deserve every insulting leer and every haughty eyed stare you can give them - they know they are in the nether regions of human existence - treat them as such. If they offer a post buyer satisfaction survey - take it and shred them beyond recognition. Let them know your pain and how cruel they are to humanity at large..Let them know what a negative impact they have on society and how deeply wrong their business practices are. Take the next step and accuse them of financial terrorism and let them know that you will be reporting them to the State and the Better Business Bureau for the miserable experience that you had to endure. It's the right thing to do. They deserve nothing less...
Car dealerships, used car lots, bad car deals, dishonest dealerships, high interest rate auto loans, auto loans, dealer problems, bait and switch, bogus rebates, illegal car selling activities
The first obvious thing to be aware of is how much can you afford per month and what type of car, (new or used) , do you think you want. New/used is a category I'll assign to vehicles with very little mileage on them that are 1 -2 years old or even less than a year old.
Begin your search based solely on price and mileage. Don't even consider what type of car it is - it doesn't matter. Allow yourself a price range say $3500 - $12000. This will bring you a lot of options from autotrader.com, craigslist or the like. Look only at vehicles from a dealer, they retain a shred of liability when you drive it of the lot. Start realizing what body styles and features you are comfortable with and find a new/used vehicle that might suit your needs. Remember that this is a process takes 1-2 weeks, if you're lucky.
When you find the new/used vehicle with acceptable pricing print out the 'deal' that you saw on the internet and take it to the dealer. Walk in and portray fake enthusiasm about the vehicle. Take it for a test drive. Sit down with the sales rep and let them run your credit. Play up the trade in value of your car. Let them get excited at the prospect of a 'sale'. Your intention here is to bait them into thinking that you are buying today, you just gotta get financed. You have no intention of buying anything today. They will eagerly scurry around and get you over to the finance manager to review your 'options'. The finance manager will act as you are a steak dinner to be consumed. Play along. His first 'offer' will be the most insulting thing to your intelligence you will probably ever see. Steady yourself. Tell him that the $454 or the $380 payment just won't do and you were thinking more along the lines of $325. He will hem and haw and show you more insulting, bogus, interest rate rape numbers. Now, you sit back, put your hands behind your head and tell him"..you know I really like that car..I just have to get my payment lower, whats my interest rate on these scenarios?" He will stare at you like you have three eyes. When the finance raper reluctantly shows you 14.25%, 13.9% and 12.9% - tell him - no way...can you do it near at least 7 or 8%? Remember- he thinks he has a sale! He will furrow his brow and act like a spoiled little bitch however he is now working hard to get the 'deal'. He might even get up and walk back to his little desk...let him, he's probably 100 lbs overweight and needs the exercise. He will eventually come back and say , Ok, I think we can do 8.9%. You then say "..wait a minute- let me call my wife.." Of course the wife's response is "no way, no how, not for that car". You then feign embarrassment and ask him to put the contingent 8.9% in writing, or at least get a copy of it and leave. You now have evidence of what percentage rate these shifty, greedy scum of the earth dealers will be able to give you when pressed.
Now its time to find the car you want. Going with a Japanese or Korean model will probably give you the highest dollar value. Look for dealers that are at least 50 miles from your home- you'll see why later.
Try to find a same year as present or one year old vehicle, under warranty that they have not yet sold and will need to get rid of because the new models arrive. If you live on a coast, look at dealers that are further inland - they are usually in economically depressed areas and will negotiate better with you. Plus, they are less stressed and more relaxed. You will probably find a car that is the only one on the lot that is a 'loss leader' at $3-4000 under MSRP. Go for that car if you're OK with the features, body style, etc. Print out the deal from the internet and go to look at that car only. The best case scenario is that it is new, under warranty yet discounted to move and attract people to the dealership. It can also be new and a year old, its still 'new'. Test drive the car. Complain about it. Ask why upgraded features are not in it. Set a tone of general disagreement with everything they say. Never agree with them about anything. Refer back to the internet 'deal' that you have now presented to them. Look for a similar car with upgrades already on it for near the same price. Keep quoting the price you have in your hand. Stick to it and don't waver. Watch them scramble like rats in a sewer. Eventually you will settle either on the original car or something similar.
Now the fun begins! Set aside at least a half a day or more for the dealership circus from hell. The 'sales agent', i.e. lying son of a bitch, will do his little dance for you then hand you off to the finance thief. The finance thief will repeat the scenario from above and you will sign off on a high interest loan with little or no reservation, (all part of the plan). Take the car home. Remember - 'home' is at least 50 miles away. You just drove a 'new' car off the lot. Instant 20% decrease in value. Now that new car will have over 100 miles on it when you bring it back. It aint 'new' anymore!! Hold the car overnight , then call the scum bag dealer the next morning at 9am sharp. Tell him there is no way you can own this car at the rate you signed on, sound pissed and tell him you are bringing it back RIGHT NOW, unless you give me 8.9%. Tell him "Ford was going to finance me for $1200 more than this amount at 8.9% and I will just go over there..." Listen for the stuttering, stammering crook throw up objections like his life depended on it. He will say"...just give me till lunch and I'll make some calls.." Hang up forcibly. The finance grifter will call you back in less than an hour and match that percentage rate. He will now be kissing your ass seven ways from Sunday and will promise you it will only take five minutes to change the paperwork.
When you arrive at the gates of hell dealership look upset. Make them get you coffee. Tell them you haven't slept all night, your wife threw the keys at you and you might get divorced over it. Let there be no room for these cockroaches to squirm through. Watch them sweat, they deserve it. Go over the new contract in painstaking detail. Make the hapless fool re-explain everything to you. Ask for a better rate, make them show you the credit denials and explain to you further why you have to be killed with interest. Finally, reluctantly sign the new contract. Walk out of the pit of hell slowly and look angered. Watch them get out of your way. Count the number of times they call you 'sir' and look down upon them. They deserve every insulting leer and every haughty eyed stare you can give them - they know they are in the nether regions of human existence - treat them as such. If they offer a post buyer satisfaction survey - take it and shred them beyond recognition. Let them know your pain and how cruel they are to humanity at large..Let them know what a negative impact they have on society and how deeply wrong their business practices are. Take the next step and accuse them of financial terrorism and let them know that you will be reporting them to the State and the Better Business Bureau for the miserable experience that you had to endure. It's the right thing to do. They deserve nothing less...
Car dealerships, used car lots, bad car deals, dishonest dealerships, high interest rate auto loans, auto loans, dealer problems, bait and switch, bogus rebates, illegal car selling activities
Friday, October 21, 2011
Smart Phone Slavery
Why are we so dependent upon electronic devices, specifically 'smart phones'? How many people do you actually speak to during the day? How do you feel when you forget your smart phone after leaving home? Do you feel naked? Insecure? Lacking?
Therein lies the problem. We have been tricked to think that we need these devices.The most common response is "..what if it's an emergency!.." Well, what did people do in 1976 if there was an emergency? Did they say "..oh shit..the smart phone hasn't been invented yet...we are lost!" Or did they deal with it by actually speaking to someone and handling the situation? First it was the cell phone. It became indispensable to our lives through creative marketing and slick gadgetry. Then it was the smart phone. It is perceived to be indispensable and the phone portion of it is only secondary! Metro PCS smart phones have horrible signal...yet they have all the web browser capability of a laptop. I have seen the I Phone not provide clear signal when a five year old Motorola Sliver on a pay as you go card worked fine...The average cost of a smart phone under contract can be over $3,000 per year when apps, insurance, carrying cases, etc are added in. A pay- as -you- go unlimited talk and text 'regular' phone costs $50 a month.
Marketing and Apps have been the key to the smart phones. As these useless features increase, the smart phone becomes less of a phone and more of a needless toy. Texting is a great way to communicate however 90 % of all texts are probably unnecessary. "Hey - where u at" ..."Hey - I don't give a shit- stop texting me.." Unnecessary texting..completely useless. The useless texting has increased exponentially among the 18 -24 year old set. Watch any given teenager. Chances are they are needlessly texting their location and actions at the moment. The action is more centered around using a device than communicating any relevant information. They are becoming expert typists on small devices however they are losing the ability to speak. Try talking to them. Or anyone, for that matter that is engrossed in their texting and their apps. You will notice a lack of attention span and a constant glancing to the device...worried about their next text. It is a monumental distraction to real human communication and has lessened our ability to converse. I have seen a family of four at a restaurant on a Friday night all staring at their smart phones and not saying a word to each other. The glow of the phones reflecting off their faces...each in their own little world designed to isolate them from reality.
The smart phone revolution is actually changing our consciousness and how we assemble the world around us. I have worked with and seen people focusing so much of their attention on their smart phones that it would make them appear as indispensable to their lives. We need smart phone withdrawal programs. People need to be helped away from this dangerous idol. The masses are being conditioned to think that if they are not in constant contact, relating every aspect of every second of their day, uploading it to Facebook and knowing every detail of every "friend"- then something is wrong. This is becoming a shift in our human consciousness. As I write this, there are co-workers in my office talking about smart phones and their benefits and draw backs. They do not know I am writing this...
If the smart phone progression is taken to its logical conclusion it will affect the evolution of our species. Imagine 100,000 years from now...Our thumbs are now elongated to twice their normal length. Our vision has become much more accurate for detail at close range...Our ability to speak has dwindled down to audible grunts and groans..Our attention span for human interaction is less than a minute. We no longer trust our gut instinct or have basic survival skills- unless the smart phone tells us to...
Who needs or wants a second by second update to everyone and everything in the universe? What a boring and drab existence that would be..No more mystery about anything..no more excitement of the possible..Everything is known immediately and put in a box before you have time for the experience. People are already commenting on things that you wanted to do or see, before you can do or see them. You can feel let down before you even have the chance at the experience! All because some mindless bastard texted you his 'take' on it...Or texted someone else you who told someone that knows you..
Away with these monstrous devices! They are stealing our souls and making us glad for it! They are mortgaging us into a hive mind of the collective. Our natural abilities as human beings are being digitized away in a sweeping tyranny of mind numbing attachment to external devices. Use a phone, trash the smart phone, reclaim your human identity, don't let them turn you into a cyborg!
Smart phone, att, verizon, sprint, texting, useless texts, speech pathology, human communication problems, cell phones, cell phone problems, cell phone bills, pay as you go
Therein lies the problem. We have been tricked to think that we need these devices.The most common response is "..what if it's an emergency!.." Well, what did people do in 1976 if there was an emergency? Did they say "..oh shit..the smart phone hasn't been invented yet...we are lost!" Or did they deal with it by actually speaking to someone and handling the situation? First it was the cell phone. It became indispensable to our lives through creative marketing and slick gadgetry. Then it was the smart phone. It is perceived to be indispensable and the phone portion of it is only secondary! Metro PCS smart phones have horrible signal...yet they have all the web browser capability of a laptop. I have seen the I Phone not provide clear signal when a five year old Motorola Sliver on a pay as you go card worked fine...The average cost of a smart phone under contract can be over $3,000 per year when apps, insurance, carrying cases, etc are added in. A pay- as -you- go unlimited talk and text 'regular' phone costs $50 a month.
Marketing and Apps have been the key to the smart phones. As these useless features increase, the smart phone becomes less of a phone and more of a needless toy. Texting is a great way to communicate however 90 % of all texts are probably unnecessary. "Hey - where u at" ..."Hey - I don't give a shit- stop texting me.." Unnecessary texting..completely useless. The useless texting has increased exponentially among the 18 -24 year old set. Watch any given teenager. Chances are they are needlessly texting their location and actions at the moment. The action is more centered around using a device than communicating any relevant information. They are becoming expert typists on small devices however they are losing the ability to speak. Try talking to them. Or anyone, for that matter that is engrossed in their texting and their apps. You will notice a lack of attention span and a constant glancing to the device...worried about their next text. It is a monumental distraction to real human communication and has lessened our ability to converse. I have seen a family of four at a restaurant on a Friday night all staring at their smart phones and not saying a word to each other. The glow of the phones reflecting off their faces...each in their own little world designed to isolate them from reality.
The smart phone revolution is actually changing our consciousness and how we assemble the world around us. I have worked with and seen people focusing so much of their attention on their smart phones that it would make them appear as indispensable to their lives. We need smart phone withdrawal programs. People need to be helped away from this dangerous idol. The masses are being conditioned to think that if they are not in constant contact, relating every aspect of every second of their day, uploading it to Facebook and knowing every detail of every "friend"- then something is wrong. This is becoming a shift in our human consciousness. As I write this, there are co-workers in my office talking about smart phones and their benefits and draw backs. They do not know I am writing this...
If the smart phone progression is taken to its logical conclusion it will affect the evolution of our species. Imagine 100,000 years from now...Our thumbs are now elongated to twice their normal length. Our vision has become much more accurate for detail at close range...Our ability to speak has dwindled down to audible grunts and groans..Our attention span for human interaction is less than a minute. We no longer trust our gut instinct or have basic survival skills- unless the smart phone tells us to...
Who needs or wants a second by second update to everyone and everything in the universe? What a boring and drab existence that would be..No more mystery about anything..no more excitement of the possible..Everything is known immediately and put in a box before you have time for the experience. People are already commenting on things that you wanted to do or see, before you can do or see them. You can feel let down before you even have the chance at the experience! All because some mindless bastard texted you his 'take' on it...Or texted someone else you who told someone that knows you..
Away with these monstrous devices! They are stealing our souls and making us glad for it! They are mortgaging us into a hive mind of the collective. Our natural abilities as human beings are being digitized away in a sweeping tyranny of mind numbing attachment to external devices. Use a phone, trash the smart phone, reclaim your human identity, don't let them turn you into a cyborg!
Smart phone, att, verizon, sprint, texting, useless texts, speech pathology, human communication problems, cell phones, cell phone problems, cell phone bills, pay as you go
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Carb Solution
The United States is in bad shape. Record unemployment, hidden inflation and banker bailouts have left everyones heads spinning. The idiot politicians keep promising and lying and everyone gets angrier by the minute. I have a solution. Eat more carbs. The exact opposite thing we are told by the so called 'experts'.
Carbs make people feel good and there has never been a time in history when people have felt worse yet the media have programmed us to think we should all be 20 lbs under weight. Diet soda's, Non alcoholic beer, diet chips, fat free ketchup- it's all a marketing ploy! Let people get a little bigger, who cares?! Let them be happy, we are in a depression for Christ sake! We need government programs to help people get a little bigger. Bakery business will go through the roof, creating jobs. Handicap accessibility will have to be more prevalent, creating more jobs..The resulting largesse will have to be accommodated! More work for seat belt makers,longer and sturdier belts! Bigger seats, hence more raw material utilized equals more employment and more mining of natural resources. Food production will go up thereby adding to the gross domestic product. Health and life insurance premiums will go up by at least 150%, further stimulating the economy. Wages will have to increase to make up for the extra time and effort making everything a little bigger, stronger and more durable.
We have been conditioned to think that if a woman does not look like an anorexic junkie, she is unworthy.Women especially have been conditioned to think this. We are bombarded with advertisements from weight watchers, Slim Fast and all manner of weight loss schemes. Young girls have low self esteem because of these unrealistic expectations. I say- let them be who they are-no need to try and be something you're not! By leaving people alone and letting them feel better about themselves, we all benefit by living in a happier, carefree society. Cosmetic surgery ? Who needs it! Put those over priced vultures out of work! Keep your money, put it to better use. This will increase the savings rate of Americans. Less mental stress in thinking you must reach unobtainable goals will result in more productivity at home and in the work place, further stimulating the economy.
The medical establishment will be able to charge less for services because there will be more people with problems to service! What they lack in quality will be made up in quantity! More diabetic cases, more eating disorders, more weight gain problems- all directly benefiting the medical industry. Doctors' business will go up exponentially, causing them to hire more staff, reduce their rates and expand their practices. These problems can be handled and the patients could get back to a healthier lifestyle- they are just doing their patriotic duty- gettin' large to help save their country! These fat asses will be hailed as Heros! For it is from their over indulgence that we have stimulated the economy back to its former vibrant state! We will even create an organization for them- the NAFA- the National Association of Fat Asses! While they wallow in their whale like states, they will be seen as the modern day Paul Revere's, the post revolutionary Thomas Jeffersons of the new era, ushering in a big and bold life raft to an ailing economy and nation state. They will be revered at national events, shown off at the Superbowl and invited to state dinners. They will waddle and chortle all the way to national fame and recognition for the great sacrifice they have given us for our benefit!
All Hail the Large Ones! For they are the redeemers of our modern time, they are the ones that will save us through their over consumption and their additional mechanical and logistical support! Vehicles will need to be retro-fitted. More jobs. Commodities like flour, sugar, wheat, corn - will double and triple in amount needed- stimulating the markets. It will truly be a Carbo-lution! A revolution of carbs! The funeral business will skyrocket for the unfortunate few who give their life to the cause. At least they died happy! The over sized heros will get a full state funeral, access to Arlington Cemetry, for helping their country in a time of war and their graves will have to be double sized - more labor, more employment. the names and pictures of The Large Ones will be in children's' text books and etched into the Washington Monument as true heroes who came to the aid of their country in our darkest hour- their sacrifice's will not go unnoticed - for they are the ones that used a stereotype to save a nation...
Fat, Large,big,plus sizes, too fat too fly, economic depression, oh hell no...Lose weight, dieting, fat ass.
Carbs make people feel good and there has never been a time in history when people have felt worse yet the media have programmed us to think we should all be 20 lbs under weight. Diet soda's, Non alcoholic beer, diet chips, fat free ketchup- it's all a marketing ploy! Let people get a little bigger, who cares?! Let them be happy, we are in a depression for Christ sake! We need government programs to help people get a little bigger. Bakery business will go through the roof, creating jobs. Handicap accessibility will have to be more prevalent, creating more jobs..The resulting largesse will have to be accommodated! More work for seat belt makers,longer and sturdier belts! Bigger seats, hence more raw material utilized equals more employment and more mining of natural resources. Food production will go up thereby adding to the gross domestic product. Health and life insurance premiums will go up by at least 150%, further stimulating the economy. Wages will have to increase to make up for the extra time and effort making everything a little bigger, stronger and more durable.
We have been conditioned to think that if a woman does not look like an anorexic junkie, she is unworthy.Women especially have been conditioned to think this. We are bombarded with advertisements from weight watchers, Slim Fast and all manner of weight loss schemes. Young girls have low self esteem because of these unrealistic expectations. I say- let them be who they are-no need to try and be something you're not! By leaving people alone and letting them feel better about themselves, we all benefit by living in a happier, carefree society. Cosmetic surgery ? Who needs it! Put those over priced vultures out of work! Keep your money, put it to better use. This will increase the savings rate of Americans. Less mental stress in thinking you must reach unobtainable goals will result in more productivity at home and in the work place, further stimulating the economy.
The medical establishment will be able to charge less for services because there will be more people with problems to service! What they lack in quality will be made up in quantity! More diabetic cases, more eating disorders, more weight gain problems- all directly benefiting the medical industry. Doctors' business will go up exponentially, causing them to hire more staff, reduce their rates and expand their practices. These problems can be handled and the patients could get back to a healthier lifestyle- they are just doing their patriotic duty- gettin' large to help save their country! These fat asses will be hailed as Heros! For it is from their over indulgence that we have stimulated the economy back to its former vibrant state! We will even create an organization for them- the NAFA- the National Association of Fat Asses! While they wallow in their whale like states, they will be seen as the modern day Paul Revere's, the post revolutionary Thomas Jeffersons of the new era, ushering in a big and bold life raft to an ailing economy and nation state. They will be revered at national events, shown off at the Superbowl and invited to state dinners. They will waddle and chortle all the way to national fame and recognition for the great sacrifice they have given us for our benefit!
All Hail the Large Ones! For they are the redeemers of our modern time, they are the ones that will save us through their over consumption and their additional mechanical and logistical support! Vehicles will need to be retro-fitted. More jobs. Commodities like flour, sugar, wheat, corn - will double and triple in amount needed- stimulating the markets. It will truly be a Carbo-lution! A revolution of carbs! The funeral business will skyrocket for the unfortunate few who give their life to the cause. At least they died happy! The over sized heros will get a full state funeral, access to Arlington Cemetry, for helping their country in a time of war and their graves will have to be double sized - more labor, more employment. the names and pictures of The Large Ones will be in children's' text books and etched into the Washington Monument as true heroes who came to the aid of their country in our darkest hour- their sacrifice's will not go unnoticed - for they are the ones that used a stereotype to save a nation...
Fat, Large,big,plus sizes, too fat too fly, economic depression, oh hell no...Lose weight, dieting, fat ass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)