Turning 50?

Welcome I say, Welcome...I am 53 so I believe I am well versed in this topic and have some insights to share with you.

The first thing is - don't worry - at least your not turning 60! You will now have a much finer and refined perception of everyone who is only one year older than you. Your mind will tell you, "....shit, he or she is older than me..! what a relief!.." The realm of 50 somethings is akin to the teenage years whereby every year seems like a drastic difference and everyone is immediately judged as to their age status. This is normal in the human condition. It sucks, but it's normal.

You will sense a wide chasm, an abyss if you will, between you and everyone under the age of 30. They will appear as alien shape-shifters from another dimension that not only cannot be understood but they are always wrong, don't know shit and most likely need to be put sternly in their place. Hatred is a very strong word however these feelings will arise, once again, perfectly normal and it does suck.

Knowing that you are know officially 'Over the Hill' and closer to retirement age than your care free 30's is a heavy realization. You will feel a sense of mortality creeping in. Is there a God? Is there life after death? What happens when I die...? How long will I live?....Did I refill that statin prescription..? Man I hope I don't end up with some hideous incurable disease and lose all sense of motor and bowel control... These as well as an abundance of other questions and concerns will have you pondering your fate and ultimate demise. Enjoy!

Time is a curious thing and we all know it seems to move faster the older you get. Realize this- it doesn't only seem to move faster - it actually does! When you are one year old, one year is 100% of your life. When you are 5 years old, one year is 20% of your life. Do the math. When you are 50, one year is 1/50th of your life and so on and so on. Time really is moving faster for you now, embrace the accelerated ride to your death!

Has your vision gotten better? Probably not. This is the situation with all of us 50 somethings. Where are my damned glasses!? I thought I left them over here..wait a second, they're over here! Feel good that your memory is not yet completely shot to hell. You need to begin to embrace the little victories like finding your glasses, not feeling hungover and having some form of financial stability. It is all you have left.

Remember when birthdays were fun and care free? Not anymore. Your head will drop down a little, you will try not to think about it and maybe even curse people that send you birthday cards- especially if they are younger than you. Birthdays are just another reminder of how little time you have left to live.

The above listed mental aberrations can be offset in a surprising number of ways. First off, realize that you are now completely free to speak your mind to anyone, anytime about anything, for you are over 50 and officially don't give a rats ass about what anyone thinks or feels. Be thankful that you were raised in an internet free, pre-digital world. There are many advantages to this. You were more active , learned to speak to people and look them in the eye. You developed a keener sense of intuition and can smell bullshit a mile away. You know what it was like to have to go to a library, check out a book, write a check and probably have developed a strong work ethic, unlike your poor bastard under 30 clueless idiots. Moving out of your parents house was seen as an obligation around age 18 or 20, not a fear -ridden drudgery whereby you clinged to mom and dads house until you are 26 and have no sense of purpose other than useless texting and no ambition.

Privacy, in all of its forms is probably important to you. People under 30 don't even know what it is. They willfully give up all vestiges of it to post meaningless bullshit on twitter and Facebook just to be better surveilled, classified and watched by the NSA and their cronies. They are truly some stupid M'er F'ers..You will feel a sick joy in this fact. F'em, they are on their own.

The best thing about turning 50 and beyond is that you begin to dispense with the meaningless trivialities of life. The real important stuff like family, interpersonal relationships, and letting go of the unnecessary become paramount and this is a good thing. Enjoy your new found freedom to be the Natural Person you were born to be. Now the fun starts....