The Client that Couldn't

Real Estate clients that cannot make a decision and continually deride their own situation as well as anything shown to them are stranger than fiction. They are a breed unto themselves and probably need to just keep renting for the rest of their lives because they are borderline incompetent to be a party to a real estate transaction.

When fear is the overriding emotion in every conversation, every showing and every idea presented, this type of client is the definition of the abyss. Who in their right mind would call their loan officer to get "permission" to write an offer?  The fearful client that couldn't would. This is also the  same person that must drive 5 mph under the speed limit, cannot drive on interstates, does not own a GPS and gets confused to the point of delirium when she notices your turn signal accidentally blinking the wrong way. The Client that couldn't then scolds you about changing lanes once to many times and her inability to make u-turns.

The difficult beyond belief client is unfortunately stricken with COPD , asthma and narcolepsy. It's amazing she can hold down a full time job let alone walk unaided. I almost lost it when she mentioned her narcolepsy and had to force back hysterical laughter. The COPD requires regular breathing treatments with an inhaler and the narcolepsy causes her to fall asleep at traffic lights. Having her follow you in her car is like pulling a 50 foot trailer with an invisible tether - no matter what you do, it will be the wrong decision.  The client is like a scared bird in a cage. Nervous and fearful with every word spoken, you try your best not to frighten her but your mere presence is a reason for her to become stressed out and mention, "...working with someone a little more local..." after showing her over 30 homes, two of which had contracts on them and were lost due to her inability to spend $80,000 after  being approved for up to $100,000.  She is more worried about 'affording the home in retirement... ' - 15 years from now - than getting into a home now. 

She can't be near kids. She doesn't want to be near a school and has to be close to her work because of her inability to drive for more than 20 minutes at a time. She will not consider spending over 80K yet wants to buy a rehab  for 70K that needs 10-15K worth of work. She doesn't mind living in 'the hood' but not where sneakers are hanging on the wires, she told us that certain types of sneakers indicate certain drugs being sold.  Her favorite word is "hideous", which accurately describes the majority of the properties we show her.  I offered to buy her lunch and she insisted on water, afraid that I might have to buy her something and she would be indebted to me for the $5.69.  When shown a perfectly neat and well maintained home with the original owners smiling and happy to show her around, she remarks under her breath, " ..what about the roof...you never know what's lurking behind these walls..."  Her favorite tactic is to offer $10K less than list price and ask for $3-5K of seller concessions. This has not worked well for her and she does not have the ability to learn so she keeps repeating the same failed process. 

The client that couldn't has let her fear paralyze her.  Speaking to her is akin to walking on egg shells barefoot surrounded by broken glass. She doesn't like to answer her phone and insists on texting making communication even more difficult. When asked about her work she responds, "..well, they cut everyone's hours and then cut them again..they are merging departments and giving us more responsibility for the same pay..." Talking with her feels like work. When she departs , your heart leaps for joy and you feel like a twelve year old that just got out of Sunday mass. It will be a relief when she finally realizes that owning a home is not for her and renting is her best option.

Proactive Synergism

The next time I hear the words "proactive" or "synergism" I will vomit upon the person speaking them. How about "I'll be 'reaching out' to you this afternoon..or "..I'll let you know when when I 'circle back', with so and so later. Circling back sounds like circling the wagons to defend from an Indian attack or circling back to go behind your back and stick the knife in... I definitely feel "push-back" towards these phrases which is another word used to soft peddle it's intent. "Push-back" means "NO" - or confrontation or does not compute. We have gotten to the point where a simple 'No' is offensive and it is now 'push-back'. How about using the words 'punch back', as in, I will 'punch- you- in- the -face- back', the next time I hear you mutter these nonsensical words to me.

Where is this language coming from? Do people just make up off hand generic phrase's like "reaching out" because they cannot comprehend the idea of speaking to someone? I am not looking forward to a 'reaching out' from you, (it sounds like a 'reach around'), and in no way want to be part of your 'circling back' with me. I prefer the conversation or a call. I am not offended or mystified when you say I will call you this afternoon. It does not bother me to hear the word "No." Please, do not attach any other meaning or underlying intent to your speech. It makes you sound like muzak in an elevator.

The changing of our language is part and parcel of the way in which people are communicating these days. Texting is great however when you are offended and truly caught off guard because you have to actually speak - you have gone to far into the new paradigm. "Text me" is the most common invitation to speak now a days. If you don't text them and mistakenly call, they are highly offended. It upsets them greatly that you have not acquiesced to their abstract communication method. How dare you want to actually speak to that individual! Who do you think you are? I have heard people say, "..I hide behind emails.." These individual could go for days without speaking to anyone. This is their little control mechanism to avoid the outside world. Maybe they should just hide away at home, safely ensconced behind their emails, why bother leaving the house?

Other vomitous sayings include "..at the end of the day.." and "...all things being equal". At the end of the day I am trying desperately to forget about my day so there is no need to rehash my day and include this statement as a break down of the day. If "all things were equal", there would really be no need to do anything now would there? The federal government came up with a genius statement - "Shelter in Place" - translation - lay there and wait to be shot in the head as the psychopath unloads his AR-15 into the crowd. How about "run like hell" or "try to take out the shooter" - I think that would go a lot further to end the bloodshed. Maybe the shooter was simply getting pushback from his employer, proactively circling the wagons to reach out at the end of the day in a synergistic manner via a text message, all things being equal.