How to Buy a Car With Less Than Perfect Credit

Buying a car doesn't have to be a miserable experience. It has been for me however I learned how to deal with lying, duplicitous and soulless car dealers and offer the following as a public service to those with little or no credit who must purchase a vehicle.


The first obvious thing to be aware of is how much can you afford per month and what type of car, (new or used) , do you think you want. New/used is a category I'll assign to vehicles with very little mileage on them that are 1 -2 years old or even less than a year old. 


Begin your search based solely on price and mileage. Don't even consider what type of car it is - it doesn't matter. Allow yourself a price range say $3500 - $12000. This will bring you a lot of options from autotrader.com, craigslist or the like. Look only at vehicles from a dealer, they retain a shred of liability when you drive it of the lot. Start realizing what body styles and features you are comfortable with and find a new/used vehicle that might suit your needs. Remember that this is a process  takes 1-2 weeks, if you're lucky. 


When you find the new/used vehicle with acceptable pricing print out the 'deal' that you saw on the internet and take it to the dealer. Walk in and portray fake enthusiasm about the vehicle. Take it for a test drive. Sit down with the sales rep and let them run your credit. Play up the trade in value of your car. Let them get excited at the prospect of a 'sale'.  Your intention here is to bait them into thinking that you are buying today, you just gotta get financed. You have no intention of buying anything today. They will eagerly scurry around and get you over to the finance manager to review your 'options'.  The finance manager will act as you are a steak dinner to be consumed. Play along. His first 'offer' will be the most insulting thing to your intelligence you will probably ever see. Steady yourself. Tell him that the $454 or the $380 payment just won't do and you were thinking more along the lines of $325. He will hem and haw and show you more insulting, bogus, interest rate rape numbers. Now, you sit back, put your hands behind your head and tell him"..you know I really like that car..I just have to get my payment lower, whats my interest rate on these scenarios?" He will stare at you like you have three eyes. When the finance raper reluctantly shows you 14.25%, 13.9% and 12.9% - tell him - no way...can you do it near at least 7 or 8%?  Remember- he thinks he has a sale! He will furrow his brow and act like a spoiled little bitch however he is now working hard to get the 'deal'.  He might even get up and walk back to his little desk...let him, he's probably 100 lbs overweight and needs the exercise. He will eventually come back and say , Ok, I think we can do 8.9%.  You then say "..wait a minute- let me call my wife.." Of course the wife's response is "no way, no how, not for that car". You then feign embarrassment and ask him to put the contingent 8.9% in writing, or at least get a copy of it and leave. You now have evidence of what percentage rate these shifty, greedy scum of the earth dealers will be able to give you when pressed. 


Now its time to find the car you want. Going with a Japanese or Korean model will probably give you the highest dollar value. Look for dealers that are at least 50 miles from your home- you'll see why later.
Try to find a same year as present or one year old vehicle, under warranty that they have not yet sold  and will need to get rid of because the new models arrive. If you live on a coast, look at dealers that are further inland - they are usually in economically depressed areas and will negotiate better with you. Plus, they are less stressed and more relaxed. You will probably find a car that is the only one on the lot that is a 'loss leader'  at $3-4000 under MSRP. Go for that car if you're OK with the features, body style, etc.  Print out the deal from the internet and go to look at that car only. The best case scenario is that it is new, under warranty yet discounted to move and attract people to the dealership. It can also be new and a year old, its still 'new'. Test drive the car. Complain about it. Ask why upgraded features are not in it. Set a tone of general disagreement with everything they say. Never agree with them about anything.  Refer back to the internet 'deal' that you have now presented to them. Look for a similar car with upgrades already on it for near the same price. Keep quoting the price you have in your hand. Stick to it and don't waver. Watch them scramble like rats in a sewer. Eventually you will settle either on the original car or something similar. 


Now the fun begins! Set aside at least a half a day or more for the dealership circus from hell. The 'sales agent', i.e. lying son of a bitch, will do his little dance for you then hand you off to the finance thief.  The finance thief will repeat the scenario from above and you will sign off on a high interest loan with little or no reservation, (all part of the plan). Take the car home. Remember - 'home' is at least 50 miles away. You just drove a 'new' car off the lot. Instant 20% decrease in value. Now that new car will have over 100 miles on it when you bring it back. It aint 'new' anymore!! Hold the car overnight , then call the scum bag dealer the next morning at 9am sharp. Tell him there is no way you can own this car at the rate you signed on, sound pissed and tell him you are bringing it back RIGHT NOW, unless you give me 8.9%. Tell him "Ford was going to finance me for $1200 more than this amount at 8.9% and I will just go over there..."  Listen for the stuttering, stammering crook throw up objections like his life depended on it. He will say"...just give me till lunch and I'll make some calls.." Hang up forcibly. The finance grifter will call you back in less than an hour and match that percentage rate. He will now be kissing your ass seven ways from Sunday and will promise you it will only take five minutes to change the paperwork. 


When you arrive at the gates of hell dealership look upset. Make them get you coffee. Tell them you haven't slept all night, your wife threw the keys at you and you might get divorced over it. Let there be no room for these cockroaches to squirm through. Watch them sweat, they deserve it. Go over the new contract in painstaking detail. Make the hapless fool re-explain everything to you. Ask for a better rate, make them show you the credit denials and explain to you further why you have to be killed with interest. Finally, reluctantly sign the new contract. Walk out of the pit of hell slowly and look angered. Watch them get out of your way. Count the number of times they call you 'sir' and look down upon them. They deserve every insulting leer and every haughty eyed stare you can give them - they know they are in the nether regions of human existence - treat them as such. If they offer a post buyer satisfaction survey - take it and shred them beyond recognition. Let them know your pain and how cruel they are to humanity at large..Let them know what a negative impact they have on society and how deeply wrong their business practices are. Take the next step and accuse them of financial terrorism and let them know that you will be reporting them to the State and the Better Business Bureau for the miserable experience that you had to endure. It's the right thing to do. They deserve nothing less...


Car dealerships, used car lots, bad car deals, dishonest dealerships, high interest rate auto loans, auto loans, dealer problems, bait and switch, bogus rebates, illegal car selling activities

Smart Phone Slavery

Why are we so dependent upon electronic devices, specifically 'smart phones'? How many people do you actually speak to during the day? How do you feel when you forget your smart phone after leaving home? Do you feel naked? Insecure? Lacking?


Therein lies the problem. We have been tricked to think that we need these devices.The most common response is "..what if it's an emergency!.." Well, what did people do in 1976 if there was an emergency? Did they say "..oh shit..the smart phone hasn't been invented yet...we are lost!" Or did they deal with it by actually speaking to someone and handling the situation? First it was the cell phone. It became indispensable to our lives through creative marketing and slick gadgetry. Then it was the smart phone. It is perceived to be indispensable and the phone portion of it is only secondary! Metro PCS smart phones have horrible signal...yet they have all the web browser capability of a laptop. I have seen the I Phone not provide clear signal when a five year old Motorola Sliver on a pay as you go card worked fine...The average cost of a smart phone under contract can be over $3,000 per year when apps, insurance, carrying cases, etc are added in. A pay- as -you- go unlimited talk and text 'regular' phone costs $50 a month.


Marketing and Apps have been the key to the smart phones. As these useless features increase, the smart phone becomes less of a phone and more of a needless toy. Texting is a great way to communicate however 90 % of all texts are probably unnecessary. "Hey - where u at" ..."Hey - I don't give a shit- stop texting me.." Unnecessary texting..completely useless.  The useless texting has increased exponentially among the 18 -24 year old set. Watch any given teenager. Chances are they are needlessly texting their location and actions at the moment. The action is more centered around using a device than communicating any relevant information.  They are becoming expert typists on small devices however they are losing the ability to speak. Try talking to them. Or anyone, for that matter that is engrossed in their texting and their apps. You will notice a lack of attention span and a constant glancing to the device...worried about their next text. It is a monumental distraction to real human communication and has lessened our ability to converse. I have seen a family of four at a restaurant on a Friday night all staring at their smart phones and not saying a word to each other. The glow of the phones reflecting off their faces...each in their own little world designed to isolate them from reality. 


The smart phone revolution is actually changing our consciousness and how we assemble the world around us. I have worked with and seen people focusing so much of their attention on their smart phones that it would make them appear as indispensable to their lives. We need smart phone withdrawal programs. People need to be helped away from this dangerous idol. The masses are being conditioned to think that if they are not in constant contact, relating every aspect of every second of their day, uploading it to Facebook and knowing every detail of every "friend"- then something is wrong. This is becoming a shift in our human consciousness. As I write this, there are co-workers in my office talking about smart phones and their benefits and draw backs. They do not know I am writing this... 


If the smart phone progression is taken to its logical conclusion it will affect the evolution of our species. Imagine 100,000 years from now...Our thumbs are now elongated to twice their normal length. Our vision has become much more accurate for detail at close range...Our ability to speak has dwindled down to audible grunts and groans..Our attention span for human interaction is less than a minute. We no longer trust our gut instinct or have basic survival skills- unless the smart phone tells us to...


Who needs or wants a second by second update to everyone and everything in the universe? What a boring and drab existence that would be..No more mystery about anything..no more excitement of the possible..Everything is known immediately and put in a box before you have time for the experience. People are already commenting on things that you wanted to do or see, before you can do or see them. You can feel let down before you even  have the chance at the experience!  All because some mindless bastard texted you his 'take' on it...Or texted someone else you who told someone that knows you..


Away with these monstrous devices! They are stealing our souls and making us glad for it! They are mortgaging us into a hive mind of the collective. Our natural abilities as human beings are being digitized away in a sweeping tyranny of mind numbing attachment to external devices. Use a phone, trash the smart phone, reclaim your human identity, don't let them turn you into a cyborg!


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