Me and My Uncle

The island job was my first experience in manual labor on a construction site, I was 15. My cousin Bruce would pick me up every morning at 5:30 and drive us to my uncle Jim's house to ride to work with him. Bruce was preparing for medical school and seemed to just put up with the insanity to get a paycheck. The trip from North Miami to Homestead took about an hour each morning. From Homestead, we would take a boat to the job site on Elliot Key, where we were building a pavilion on the island.
From Jimmy's house, we would pick up his friend Bill around 6am.  Each morning began and ended in the same manner. Jimmy would go into Bills house and drink a 2 oz shot of whiskey, I joined him on a couple of occasions, then learned that drinking in the morning was not for me. From there, Jim and Bill would stop at a convenience store and buy a six pack of 16 oz Budweisers for the ride to Homestead. The beer was almost finished as we stopped to pick up Alex near the toll booth on the interstate. Each morning, Jimmy would criticize the way Alex, (a black man), looked, (monkey, ape and other select racial slurs), then smile and greet him as he got into the car. Jimmy was perfectly civil to Alex on the way home also, then repeat his offensive litany after we dropped him off. The drive from picking up Alex to Homestead was about a half an hour. When we got near the marina, Jimmy would stop and get a case of beer and several bags of ice for the day.


Upon arriving at the boat ramp, Bill and Jim were typically 3/4 drunk and ready for work. The mornings usually began with a lot of shouting and general arguments about who was doing what and who had various equipment for the job. I had to consciously hold myself back from laughing because it was truly crazy. I usually got yelled at for not tying off the boat properly or for loading supplies incorrectly. Electricians, plumbers, carpenters and laborers were all aboard each morning, anywhere from 8-10 people per day were on that boat.  Jimmy claimed himself to be the 'Captain'- and let everyone know it..It was a nice ride to work every morning, aside from the general insanity.


The job site was hectic and frenzied. Since it was on an island, everything had to be remembered for each trip. The beer, ice and tools - in that order- were hauled off the boat and carried to the pavillion we were building. The job site was actually two sites, the pavillion and a concrete structure of some type down a path seperated from the main area. My job was to pick up all the used boards and debris and haul it around and to dig holes and move dirt. It was unbearably hot. the mosquitoes were thick and the work was hard. We had army issue insect repellent and used it daily. The electricians smoked weed. Rocky, the plumber , brought his own beer - Piels Light in the can. Rocky had a son named Junior, whom Jimmy termed "..big as a house and dumb as a box of rocks..." According to Jimmy, Junior like to drive the front loader because it made him feel important. He got it stuck in the mud twice and was summarily yelled at by Rocky and Jimmy. Junior was an endless topic of ridicule and amusement for Jimmy who seemed to live to insult him. Juniors life long ambition was to "..fly jet planes.." this really got Jimmy going - he wanted to fly jet planes yet he couldn't drive a front loader.


The typical day started off with cool breezes and ended with searing heat. Everyone took a 15 minute break at 10 am and and 3pm and we finished at 4:30. It was so hot that conversation was minimal. Once, during lunch, Jimmy seemed to enjoy repeating himself over and over about "...the fucking onions for the hot dogs.  Then it was the fucking mustard, over and over , the fucking onions and the fucking mustard! Luckily we had the fucking onions and the fucking mustard. By lunch, the beer was well hit into and a general fog and laziness seemed to settle over everyone. Decisions seemed to be made slower and there was less shouting but more grumbling and general negativity. Jimmy's diatribes and rants really  pissed people off at times. He almost got into a fight with Charlie Moon, one of the electricians on the job site. Jim seemed to enjoy teasing him about his sidekick apprentice, Richard who he said was a burnout and not worth a damn. He also berated him for his name, 'Moon' and the shape of his head "..It looks like a fucking moon..!!" Jimmy would endlessly repeat it. Jim's friend and drinking partner, Bill, would occasionally lapse into crying jags while working. Bill would be hammering away, then all of a sudden start crying. The crying didn't interfere with his work, it was just weird. I later found out that Bills' wife died and he was still getting over it.


My big confrontation with Uncle Jim came during the afternoon of a scorching summer day. I was spreading concrete with a rake for a section of patio. Jimmy commanded me to "..spread it proper.. don't make love to it boy- spread it around!"  He must have noticed I was getting upset because he kept on and escalated. Each comment was louder and more aggressive. He was building in intensity and thinking I was getting upset. I wasn't, I was just bewildered as to why he was so pissed. I wasn't old enough to realize that he was drunk out of his mind and this is the type of behavior that lends itself to that. Uncle Jim then stepped it up a notch and said "..you're thinking of swinging that shovel at me not aren't you boy..!!!!" He then repeated "..Go ahead, swing it..!! I just backed up and stared at him. I threw the rake down and walked away. Jimmy was screaming at me as I left the scene, "..you're a cherry boy!!..that's why you didn't swing it at me..it's cause you're a fucking cherry...boy...!!!" I told him to fuck off and went to the other side of the job site. The whole thing was forgotten about and we carried on like nothing happened.


Jimmy got stranger and stranger as my tenure with him continued. A couple of times we took the boat to the mainland for lunch and he told me he once quit drinking for ten years then just started back again.
He said he had it all under control and didn't have a problem. The reasoning went something like this.."I only drink beer, for the most part, I don't drink whiskey like I used too, only in the morning and the afternoons and its just a shot or two.." At this time in my life , it seemed normal to me, Jimmy just liked to drink. After all, he never had a DUI, never been arrested for drinking and he was up and working every day. I later learned that he was what is known  as "functioning" alcoholic. I even attended an AA meeting with him once. He was super critical of everyone in the meeting before we went and afterward. He wouldn't speak in the meeting however he encouraged me to "..get up there and tell your story like the rest of the drunks.."I told him that he needed to, I didn't have anything to say. His response was  "You won't catch me up there, that's a bunch of bullshit". Uncle Jim once asked my cousin Bruce if he thought he was an alcoholic. Bruce hesitated, then said,  " yes, I think you are.." Jimmy's standard response was "..bullshit.. I aint no fucking alcoholic." He was in complete and total denial - everyone else had a problem- not him.


Every day ended the same. We would drop everyone off and stop at Chi's food store on the way home for a cold Heineken. Jimmy appreciated the fact that they were very cold. Uncle Jim did have a good idea for an invention though. He proposed a blinking sign that would sit in the rear window of the car that could be programmed what to say. He said that you could have a keyboard on the dash and type messages to drivers as you passed them. The message would blink and they would then understand how you really felt about their driving skills. His favorite message would be "asshole",- blinking in the rear window as you passed. ..I thought he was on to something....


Uncle Jim was an intelligent person, he just couldn't get past the drinking.When sober, he was fun to be around and was a good family man. He had a quick mind and was pretty smart. He liked to have fun - maybe a little too much. I didn't see him much as his health deteriorated. His liver just stopped working. He was 54.

Engineering Quotes

Engineering Quotes and random observations –  Direct quotations from my company, after 2 years of effort and  a $3.9 million investment.

“We’ve got a box full of crap right now, that’s better than a truck load of crap…”

“Instead of spending $400 on a production table, he ,(The 2^nd CEO to be fired,), spent it on a dinner!”

“ I wouldn’t sign off on manufacturing until we had 100 systems in the field for a month”,  Statement made on June, 27^th, 2011, 30 days before projected end of company, 30 in field, 15 working  thus far – sort of…

“Engineer 1 has had the software calibration solution for months, however he is so overwhelmed with putting things into X-Tuple, he has not been able to utilize it.”

“Producing 25 units per week is where we need to be, whatever happens after that happens, otherwise we only have a picture of a prototype.”

“90% accuracy sounds pretty good however put it with twelve sensors, your lucky if you got one out of twelve.”

“There is only one thing that is saving us – we have 2300 units worth of components.”

“We are burning our relationships with our suppliers, if we pay them, we will be out of money. We owe $160K right now and what we are on the hook for is huge..”

“I’m getting lost in the minutiae of it”

“We’ve always known the sweet spot, unless this is out of your permutation”

“ You’re climbing a hill and you’re gonna fall off if you don’t reach the next plateau”

“ We are going to a new currency, you know.”

“ What typically happens, is as you do this and get details to put the project together,   you get it done over the weekend.” 

“ I have spent zero time on testing and it is a major thing…”

“ We just lost 1/3 of our senior engineering staff, that was a major hit..”

“ There is a higher level thing, forget about all the details, from top level management, there are still the external reviews, we are at a product review date…”

“What are we testing, what do we need to test?”

“We’re never going to meet the deadline, so why don’t we just go home now.”

Head engineer answering the question from the primary investor - ‘When is the product going to be ready?’ answer  -“Between now and never…”

Engineering -“ The reason we haven’t met our goals is because we don’t have a plan” answer from VP – “ You had a plan last November and you fucked it, you had a plan last March and you fucked it, you had a plan this April and you fucked that”

Customer support speaking to engineering “You know our product just shut down Brighthouse cable service to an entire block?” Engineering response, “Awesome”

“I’m not really concerned about our accuracy, I’m just concerned if there is consistency to our inaccuracy”

“One of these plans is going to be zero”

Standard answer for question of “when will the product be ready?”

 6 months  in - “Three weeks”

12 months in -“Three weeks”

18 months in -“Three weeks”

Number of official launch dates since company inception = 7. Number of successful launches = 0.

Number of employees hired and fired in 18 months  = 10

Number of people in company = 12

Quote from office manager “…I wish they would just lay me off”

“We’ve spent $112,000 in burn or scrap, that doesn’t sound right…” – our accountant

“You’re not gong to make it…” – our accountant speaking about our future success.

From the 2^nd fired CEO, “It’s The Founders'’s fault”, The Founder is the lead engineer and one of the inventors of the system.

“Those boards that came in last week, we never built any of those right?”

“Phone calls are an incredible waste of time, texting is the only way you should communicate unless it is urgent”.

“I get confused easily”

“What are the tasks that we have?”

“When you tell us what not to do, you don’t tell us what to do”

“The only real value of anything is what you collect a month, that’s all that matters”

“Real estate values are going to collapse – again”

“Our money is based on nothing – you can’t just keep printing it”

“ We ,(United States), are headed for collapse, it is just a matter of time”

“I’d rather be home writing software code – that’s what we need to get done”

“We’re better off just starting over”

“I think we need to go back to the drawing board, the product is not ready to ship and only works in 1% of the homes”.

“We’ve got a problem, we now have a reset issue – the units will not start up”

There is something going on very , very strange here…”

“Have you seen the new Star Trek episodes, they’ve re-mastered them all in HD!”

“In the laboratory you can always get something to work”

“We have readings, we don’t have storage or handshake accountability”

“If everyone turned their power off at the same time, you would have a major outage”

“If you can make it non random, you can make it do anything….”

“When we see the water heater turn on, we have a delta in the mains, that gives us enough information to calibrate those sensors against each other, so all of the load deltas can be confirmed” – this ground breaking insight was realized 2 weeks before cash zero (end of business) …call me stupid however it seems that it would have been useful a year ago, unless you’re just eternally tinkering in the lab….

“The inaccuracies are in both directions so they cancel each other out”

“Averaging out is a function of the law of statistics”

“As long as it’s not systematic and it’s random, not linear – that’s how the power company gets away with sloppy meter readings ”

“The thing to do is to mine the data, process the data and remove the anomalies”

“The word ‘release’ has been use out of context, who wants to create the product release document?”

“By the end of the month, we are supposed to have some sort of product specification – we will not get money until that is done, we have enough money to run one last payroll.”  -VP speaking to engineering

“What does a product specification look like?” – engineering…

“ I am beginning to hate engineers” –business development

“Realistically we have not been operating in engineering mode, we have been operating in a ‘quick spin’ start up mode….”

“I think one of our scenarios needs to include configurations”

“There is a huge difference in US residents and ‘target markets’, we need to define the details, what do those homes look like?”

“If we don’t work in 90% of the homes, we are by nature, problematic”

“If, if…if”

“I think we have made some good and useful conversation”

“We have to have good, working hardware and I think we’re getting real close to that”  (..said 2 weeks before cash zero day…)

“It’s behavior, the button activates the behavior, then the behavior ends”

“The biggest thing that’s wrong is the sensitivities, inherently the biggest number you’re going to be wrong is zero”

“We can alternate it and complicate the issue or we can make the adjustments”

“That’s part of the gimmick, right - trying to prove the box works…”

“All this talk about signal rates and noise ratios, you need an error free rate of .995%”

“There has been no significant progress”

“Unless there is a miracle, we’re probably done in a couple of weeks”

“I’ve been in companies whereby if you were employed for at least a year, they had to go through five levels of management to fire you”

“We started out being synchronous but when we tried to track the frequency it was a nightmare”

“…crap...”

“Our detect ability was much lower, the linearity looks pretty good, I’m going by the waveform that I saw”

“It was working, I don’t know why it quit, it is rather scary”

           

“By next year, the reliability of the power grid is going to zero”

“The Chinese bought an entire years supply of corn last month – 550 million metric tons”

“The power companies cannot maintain the network, they are failing at the rate of 2 hrs per month, that’s a terrible failure rate.”

“They, (utility companies), can’t meet the demand at the price, so they just take the failure”

“When the bombs fall, the windmills will just get blown way”

“The earth is a big place, people can withstand anything except the stupidity of government”

“Typically, what happens is that there is a discontinuity in the error rates, when they reach .995% they are 100%.”

“What we are seeing with the box  is not representative at all, we are trying to do real time, the system is transferring in 15 minute intervals”

“When you can hear each other, by definition, you can hear each other”

“Time can drift… we need to slip or gain a cycle… depending on where the real time is”

“ There are no engineers left in the power grid, they have all retired”

“They, (the company), wired the last payroll to the wrong account, luckily the account was closed, otherwise they would have never got it back”

“It’s only the impedances that are appearing on the whole panel, but I don’t think that’s killing us…”

“What happens is, we’re so lucky, that you get out past 120, you then get resonances”

“You can’t put RF in the box, there’s no way you can get away with that”

“This company was dead a year ago”

“Well, we might be able to string them along with conference calls to potential investors-to keep the payroll going…”  

“I see some signal there….it all comes down to are we gonna be plus or minus ten percent accuracy or not…”

“The first 20 systems we get back from the contract manufacturer will not work”

“Federal employees’ income tax should not be counted in the GDP”

“Are we talking..?.. this is continous…”

“The patents are in pending status, Galtronics would just shelve this thing if they don’t go forward, they’ll just bury it…It happens all the time, more often than not”

“The trouble is that I cannot amplify my signal, I’m recognizing it, we’re just not controlling it..”

“I think we’re really close. .we need to kick up the gain a little bit and look at the new software…”

“You’ve got a 50% chance of being within 50%..”

“In reality, nothing ever is continuous”

“All of this code and these branches are just garbage and need to be thrown out”- (mentioned 4 days before the end of the company…)

Direct quote from the founder of the company when asked about status of product-

“…I’ll have to meet with you and the office manager separately because when I speak with engineering there is probably going to be some F-bombs and people might get fired…”


"There is a hurricane coming.. we could tell the investors that we can't work in these conditions, maybe it'll buy us another week or so..."


delayed product launch, engineering problems, funding, mechanical issues, out of funding, product design issues, product development, start up, failed start up, problems with engineers

The Car

Being fourteen and naive is no crime however heisting a vehicle is - especially when you don't know how to drive.
Every time Harveys father drove us to school we were given a demonstration of the full faith and power of the 1977 Plymouth Fury III. The Fury was a V-8 and a beast of a car. It was used as a police vehicle from 1975 - 1979. Harvey's dad had a unique driving style that utilized both feet. Mr K taught us that you need to have one foot and the accelerator and one foot on the brake at the same time. Every time he drove it was like an amusement ride, either full out acceleration or a frightening stop. I don't think he ever maintained the same speed for any amount of time. Maybe it was because he was English, who knows...


Harvey launched the scheme with the idea of taking the car out for a quick drive.This turned into a systematically planned action of Grand Theft Auto for a night- or maybe a day. Harvey knew that his parents would be out of town for a week, so the planning had begun. We schemed and planned for over two weeks, every day we would discuss our strategy. We got busted talking about it in Tommy's moms car in the way home from school. We were giddy with the thought of heisting this vehicle and would look at each other , barely able to hold in the laughter and repeat over and over again  "...dude.. the car.. the CAR!!.." Tommy's mom caught on and told Harveys dad. Mr K then had a long talk with Harvey about not borrowing his vehicle and moved the car to a friends house 10 miles away. Not to worry though, with a little re-con work we found it . We FOUND the CAR!!!  We were roiling with delight...The plan was still on!! It was only a ten mile bicycle ride over the interstate connector and into North Miami Beach.


Next, I had Harvey spend the night at my house when his parents were gone. Everything was coming together. I'm not sure but I think my mother told me "..no sneaking out.." -something we were inclined to do at that age, to steal pastries from Winn Dixie at 4am. Our newspaper delivery baskets greatly helped in this endeavor. That night we sneaked out. It was a long ride but eventually we found it. I felt like we struck gold. The Car!! We left the bicycles in the bushes and started her up. The Plymouth Fury III came to life and we were transformed. We got real quiet and had big grins on our faces. Harvey drove and we headed back to the neighborhood to pick up David. He had a difficult time staying in the lane, I guess because he never drove before. Harvey was constantly over correcting and barely missing parked cars on the side of the road. I attempted driving however i couldn't and let Harvey resume his drivers ed course. Turns were big, long sloping events that made us unsure of their outcome...When we reached Davids' house, I got out of the car and tapped on his window, our signal to come out." Dude ..We Got the Car!!"...David was wiser and did not want to go. We eventually broke his will and he came out. David got in the back seat and we headed for the Junior High School. Harvey seemed to be gaining confidence so we felt a little better. David was a nervous wreck in the back seat, we kept telling him to shut up and enjoy the ride...hey, maybe we'll pick up some chicks!! Upon arriving at the Junior High, Harvey had the brilliant idea of driving on the PE field behind the school. I said "Go for it.." Of course, that wasn't enough..."Do a donut..!" Which he did, over and over again until our sides hurt from laughing..We dug some monumental circular tracks in that field which we were proud of for weeks to come. At this point, Harvey seemed truly crazed. He was beside himself with mad glee and reckless abandon. We were all laughing hysterically- completely out of control. We left the field for fear of cops and drove down a side road near the school. Harvey's inhibitions left him entirely at this point. Approaching a stop sign he yelled "..Fuck the Stop Sign..!!" I looked over at him and thought it wise to  fasten my seat belt quickly. I then felt pinned back in my seat due to the rapid acceleration, I glanced at David and yelled "Hold On..!"As we approached to turn, I saw the speedometer go past 50 mph. Oh shit...Harvey pulled hard to the left and I thought we would make it until I saw a parked car in a driveway and a giant tree looming up to meet us. We hit the tree at 45 mph and it was like time stopped. The hood of the Plymouth was bent in half and up in the air... I remember saying "..back it up, back it up.." We backed up and the car died. Steam was gushing from the radiator, the windshield was demolished, the car was totaled..We all jumped out.. David's nose was bleeding and he was yelling that it was broken. We told him to shut up - we need to figure out what to do..


All of us stood there,staring at each other in dead silence. then, just like in Monty Python, someone yelled "Run Away!!" and we did. We ran at top speed for at least a mile. Once again, Harvey thought we would prevail. His stroke of genius was to concoct a story of how the car was probably stolen. this made us feel a little better, I mean, with the crime rate in Miami it was probably inevitable! We would swear that it was stolen! Blame it on the Haitians! They were out of control anyway... We would have to get our bikes out of the yard were the car was parked though and we began to calculate how long it would take to get them out of there. Then we would be free! After our brief moment of clarity, Harvey stared to wail and moan. "Dude, what's wrong.?" He responded "My watch.." we said "screw your friggin watch.." Harvey replied "No  man, when my dad finds my watch in the car, he'll know..!!" David and I began to distance ourselves from Harvey at this point. We actually walked further away from him and began to rally for our own causes. We reminded Harvey that it's not our parents' car...and you, Harvey did plan the whole thing...we were just along for the ride! This made David and I feel much better. We were still in trouble however nowhere near the nightmare Harvey would have to face. He kept mentioning his fathers favorite punishment method. "He's going to beat the shit outta me..!!"For Harvey, it was like the Battan death march in WWII. Slogging along, half conscious, traumatized from a near death accident, repeating to himself over and over "..he's gonna kill me.. he's gonna beat the shit outta me..."David and I thought about damage control in our own lives, no need worrying about Harvey, he was a dead man.


Feeling a little more optimistic , Harvey and I sneaked back into my house and my mother was waiting, we were busted at the door. Back to an unsettled rest and a very uncomfortable morning.The eagerly anticipated event ended with a ride to the Police station the next day. All parents were 'fully involved'. It was like the cold war with Russia. Family meetings ensued and I was grounded for a very, very long time. Davids parents grounded him for a decade- or at least it seemed that way. We didn't see or hear from Harvey for at least two months. I think his father had him extradited to be tortured. So much for driving, I put it down for a while.


Midnight cruiser, teenage drivers, auto accidents, grand theft auto, stealing a car, underage driving, running stop signs, unlicensed drivers, totaled vehicles, auto accidents, plymouth fury, leaving the scene of an accident