50 Jobs

I have had 50 jobs in the last 32 years, from 1980 to 2012. I started at age 15. I classify a 'job' as  taxable income with a W2 received at years end and holding the job for at least two weeks. The majority of the jobs occurred in the 80's then as age set in, they tapered off into career positions. These positions have enabled me to really understand the human condition at work and have provided some unique insights into human behavior in the work place.


The job with my uncle in the construction business is well documented in the story "Me and My Uncle" in this blog. Suffice to say it was an excellent experience in drunkenness and cruelty in the workplace. Seeing people consume massive quantities of alcohol then operate heavy machinery, boats and lead a construction crew was an eye opening experience and really prepped me for the future jobs I would hold. During the same time period of '80-'81, I worked as a bus boy and a dishwasher at the California Club, a country club in North Miami and a Sizzler Steakhouse in Broward County, Fl. The bus boy gig ended when I spilled a tray of half filled margaritas and bloody mary's over a customers shoulder. Working as a dishwasher ended after a month or so because of the general misery of washing dishes in a restaurant. My fourth job was another bus boy gig at a Denny's, the fifth was as a bagger at Publix. These two were uneventful however I was fired from Publix for putting a four pack of glass Coke bottles in a guys back seat that was dirty and wet from being first placed in the parking lot. I left Denny's for a better opportunity- busing tables at a local Plantation, Fl restaurant, Olivers, my sixth job. Every Sunday, the owner was on the phone to his bookie, placing bets on all the football games. He eventually lost the restaurant to his gambling habits.


The seventh job was as a construction worker, (laborer) - for another uncle, in Miami Lakes, Fl. My cousin Jeff was the foreman and I swept out houses, hauled trash and cleaned up the housing tract they were building. The entire job site was medicated. Every morning the various substances were passed out and dealt to the carpenters, laborers, electricians and plumbers. They all seemed to function fine under the influence. My cousin had a major coke problem, so his nose was typically blown up and red and he slept in the trailer a lot. My uncle Jim was told him " You're gonna blow a fucking hole right through your nose if you don't stop doing that shit.." Sure enough, he did - Jeff had a deviated septum from the cocaine abuse. I once rode my Schwinn Le Tour 12 Speed bicycle from Plantation, Fl to Miami Lakes - to get to work. It was a 30 mile ride, I got a flat on the way home and my friend Ricks dad picked me up on the way back, once was enough for that. Job number eight was taking notes for a deaf student at Broward Community College. It didn't pay well but it paid. I essentially duplicated my notes from a couple of my classes for him- easy job.


My ninth job was at a 10 minute oil change place called Greased Lightning, in Ft Lauderdale, Fl. I rode a motorcycle and was 18. A friend of mine who worked there also rode, his name was Jimmy and he was truly crazy. Jimmy's idea of a good time was to intentionally bait cops to chase him then get away on his Honda 750 - he was never caught. He told me "..it gets pretty intense- they don't give up..."He rode through fields, parking lots, whatever it took to get away.. I remember riding back from getting lunch in a car one day and some idiot cutting us off on a moped. Jimmy took his entire McDonalds combo- drink and all- and whipped it at the guys back as we passed him at 45 mph. The site of exploding McDonalds on that poor bastards back was epic. Jimmy didn't eat lunch that day however it was worth it for him. Another co-worker of mine, Martin, was a handgun enthusiast. He showed me the .357 revolver he had and said "...this will make a believer out of anyone.." I told him he's headed for jail. The next week, he got caught in an armed robbery and ended up being sentenced to five years in prison. I spoke with him from jail and messed with his mind about his 'girlfriend' whom Jimmy just happened to move in with. This really pissed him of, so I ended the conversation.


Job number 10 was in a Landscape Nursery picking weeds and watering plants. In the South Florida heat it was pure misery, so it only lasted a few weeks. My eleventh job was as a line cook in Chi Chi's Mexican Restaurant. I never cooked before however I had a friend that waited on tables at Chi Chi's so he got me in. The kitchen was like an insane asylum. Extremely busy, loud and chaotic. I learned that when order tickets are covering the line and we are throwing plate liners at Haitian dishwashers while yelling at waitresses to get food out of our window- you are in the 'weeds', a restaurant term used to describe complete chaos. "Issa!!!- I need plates on the line!!!!" - was a common outcry from us..This job taught me that if you work full time in a restaurant, chances are you see very little daylight. I lived in the night and slept through the day for the next seven years in the restaurant business.


Job 11 was landscaping at Bonaventure, west of Davie Florida. My friend from Chi Chi's and I worked there. At times I hitchhiked to work with a lunch cooler, rode a motorcycle or got a ride. The company, "A Touch of Grass", started you on the scuffle hoe with the Haitians and the illegals. if you did good, you progressed to the blower then the edger. After that, you were promoted to walking behind a 32 inch mower all day. From there, you worked the weed eaters- a true skill when learned. I then reached the apex of the company- driving a Toro, 72 inch blade deck, riding mower all day - that was really cool. I recall Nelson, an older black man, telling a resident that she could "...go pick that grass with your teef.." and his buddy Elijah coming to work one day complaining that he found his woman with another woman when he got home yesterday.. Those guys were always going to get gas and being lectured about not getting their work done. We worked with a Jesus freak who had scripture and religious iconography painted all over his step van. When it got really hot he said the Lord told him not to work on this day. I worked with a man we called Mr Nixon because Nixon was his last name. Mr. Nixon had scars all over his body and the story of a horrible accident behind each one. A guy we called Brother Bob drove a Yazoo riding lawn mower into a lake and just sat there wondering what to do. We then changed his name to ''Brother Bob on the job to polish his knob'. Job number 12 was also a landscaping job- with Vantrease Landscaping. The owner , Tom was a Vietam Vet and gay- so the joke was- just don't eat a banana in front of him. Tom was cool, no problems, we just worked and went home.


Job number 13 was at a Sears and Roebuck in the Broward Mall and consisted of counting inventory and working in the warehouse. This is where I learned that perfectly good items like strollers, or furniture had to be destroyed instead of used or resold because of flaws in them. My boss was in the Coast Guard and told tales of huge drug seizures off the coast of Miami. Job number fourteen was digging holes for hot tubs and learning to plumb them. Coincidentally, most of the jobs were in either Coral Gables, Coral Springs or other impossible to jackhammer and dig through regions, it was a brutal nightmare.


Jobs 15 - 17 were in Gainesville, Florida. Number 15 was at Burrito Brothers in Gainesville. I made tacos and burritos and worked the register, ended up getting fired because of the diversion of University of Florida classes. Next, I worked at the Student Union, as a caterer. We organized parties for professors with cheap wine and would listen to them get louder and louder as they sucked down the  cheap swill. Job 17 was at a place called Taco Johns on the night shift. I never intentionally destroyed food through the drive through however almost got in a fight or two from idiots yelling through the window.


My eighteenth job was at Bojangles Chicken in Jacksonville, Fl. I remember the amount of flour they went through to bread chicken was monumental. It was like a Laurel and Hardy comedy working there, flour dust flying everywhere. Job 19 was with UPS as an un-loader of semi's in the heat of August in Jacksonville, Fl. I was 'on call' each day- would call in and see if I was working or not. We were required to wear a back support and bring water to stay hydrated to avoid passing out. I probably should have stuck it out and retired in 20 years however I just couldn't take being yelled at in the scorching heat and one day just quit. That job was a militaristic nightmare.


Job number 20 brought me back to the restaurant industry at the Sailmaker in Jax,Fl. As a line cook, we continually told the wait staff how "pissed" we were and not to bother us. The Sailmaker was later destroyed and a parking lot was put there. Job 21 brought me to Houlihans in Jacksonville,Fl. This was a serious restaurant job, as a line cook, working under a head chef. I had to dress in kitchen whites every day. I met a waitress there who moved in with me. She left me so I took her Italian furniture and moved to another apartment. Take that bitch! Ending up with a waitress became a pattern for the next several years.


Job number 22 was as a  Frame Carpenter at the Sawgrass Marriott in Ponte Vedra, Beach, Fl.  They simply asked "Frame of Form?" I said "Frame " because I didn't want to be on my knees doing forming. I was there when the architect came out to the job site screaming about the orientation of the pro shop. The foundation was 30 degrees off from where it should be and it was too late to change it. That was some serious work anger. During my first day, a couple of older carpenters asked me why my tools were so new- I told them "I'm from Miami- I got ripped off..had to buy new ones..", They bought it. Those old guys from Texas were on to me and my lack of any relevant carpentry experience but they were very cool about it. They taught me how to hammer and saw properly and were instructing me in the ways of Frame Carpentry. The circular saw got to me though. The foreman set me up to cut roofing boards and i was confused beyond belief, with angles and what have you. One day the foreman had a little 'talk' with me. He said " Steve, you said you had certain skills when you came out here and you really haven't demonstrated any of that". I told him that I knew and simply walked of the site..Someone whistled that old Clint Eastwood western thign ay-ee-ah-yee ahh...I couldn't help but laugh along with them! Job number 23 was similar in that I worked with Atlas Pools in Jax, Fl helping to form out swimming pools and wheel barreling concrete around for the cool decking. The stand out memory here was the purple pool in Maclenny - purple water because of the minerals in the ground water and  Whalen - an alcoholic that did not drink so he continually smoked weed all day. He operated all the heavy machinery and barked orders to everyone. My job pattern here was outdoor to indoor-outdoor to indoor.


The 24th gig was as a cab driver in Jacksonville, Fl. The company, Yellow Cab, would rent you a cab each day if you did not own one. The rental was $50 per day and I paid for gas. It took a good 12 hours to break even and another six to make any money. I lived in that damn cab. I expelled drunks when I saw they were about to puke and just took to straight up telling them " Hey Man..Don't you puke in my cab!!" I would just start talking to customers to pass the time ..Yellow Cab would always give the new drivers the worst cabs. After my third break down I quit.


Job 25 was another landscaping job in Jax, Fl. A friend of mine, Russell, had a friend named Friscia who was strung out on crack so we tried to help him with a job. I remember our boss asking, "Why is he so pale and skinny?" We told him he was sick and recovering. Job 26 was in the same office park and was as a temporary laborer moving office furniture and boxes around. The time really dragged with that one, being a 'mover' is not for me.


Jobs 27 - 35 were all line cook jobs on Baymeadows Rd in Jacksonville,Fl. I simply worked in every restaurant on that road. A line cook at Bennigans was job 27. Here I learned that Bennigans cooks work until 4 am. I once crashed into a guard rail on the way to work on my motorcycle - my hands were shaking for over an hour. Alcohol was necessary to get any sleep at all. I was a vampire, arising as the sun set and sleeping when it came up.  Job 28 was at Red Lobster as a cook. I think those lobsters knew they were gonna die, especially right before I threw them in the steamer. Job 29 was at IHOP as a cook, Sunday mornings were complete bedlam, there were lines out the door after church. I worked with an elderly black gentleman named Mr. Winbush.."Like the wind through the bushes.."(he would say). Mr Winbush was an Egg Man. He was a master of eggs. The man would have at least 10 egg pans going at one time. Over easy, over medium, over hard, poached, scrambled, omelettes- the guy was an egg savant! He taught me a lot. My schedule was IHOP from 5am to 1pm, then Red lobster from 4pm until close...the work schedule was beyond brutal. Job 30 found me doing prep work in the kitchen of a Holiday Inn. It was cool to prep for happy hour...everyone got happy! Job number 31 was at Peters Restaurant were we made pasta from scratch on a giant pasta making machine from Italy. Job number 32 was at Casa Lupita- another Mexican joint. They had the best work parties. Casa Lupita shut down and turned into Grisanti's Italian Restaurant where I worked job number 33. Job 33 was my first experience as a waiter and I couldn't deal with it so after a couple of weeks I quit. Put me in the kitchen, where I can yell at people and be mean- that was more my style. Job 34 was at a Steak and Ale on Baymeadows Rd. One night I accidentally mixed grease cutter with bleach and thought I would die from a chlorine gas attack, it hurt to breathe for a few minutes. Job 35 was as a perfume salesman for a company called Scentura. They created knock offs of all the designer fragrances. We would go into office buildings and try to sell the shit to women in the workplace. The main task was dodging security, which made it all the more challenging. The women bought the stuff.


My next job, number 37, was as a line cook at Aw Shucks in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fl. It was uneventful however I did learn to make a proper Marsala sauce after my first attempt got sent back and I got yelled at. Number 38 found me back at the Sawgrass at Marriot in Ponte Vedra, the same place I worked as a wannabe carpenter - as a cook. We called the head chef "Chef" and I learned how hard those guys have to work. Job 38 was at Scores and More, a sports bar in Mandarin Florida. I worked there just before and after graduating from the University of North Florida. I learned that true depression occurs when upon graduating with a 4 year business degree, you are still working in a kitchen...I took to knifing order tickets and yelling at waitstaff... generally scaring the shit outta people. I called one of the waitresses Judas, after all I felt a holier than thou indignation!  Still in this damned kitchen! A friend of mine started calling me 'Hitler'- I told him to stop and calmed down.


Jobs 39 - 50 came after graduation. Job 39 was an in-home food service salesman for food and freezer plans, with American Frozen Foods. I was so desperate to get out of the infernal kitchen that I didn't mind walking into peoples' homes and putting up with their dogs and kids. I did well, sold a bunch and was promoted to "Reorder Rep" and moved to Tallahassee, job number 40. I had all the existing business and wrote new business. After doing well for a year or so, they promoted me to North Florida Regional Manager, job number 41. I was promoted over people that had been with the company for decades and were all 20-30 years older than me and they hated me for it. I moved to Keystone Heights, Florida to be near 'headquarters' in Gainesville, Fl. The other reps wasted no time in subjugating my managerial duties and were worse than difficult to deal with. The manager that left decided he wanted to come back so they demoted me to Reorder Rep. I got pissed and left.




Job 41 was with IDS Financial Services- the financial planning division of American Express. I had to pass the Series 7 test- the test from hell. I didn't believe them about it until I began studying, it was horribly difficult. I took the test and used 2 hrs and 58 minutes of the three hour allotted time. I got a 72 and jumped for joy. I was told I studied two points too much when i got back to the office. All the first year 'planners' were fired for not bringing in the multi-million dollar estate planning cases- how they rolled, the bastards. I had 12 clients with various business and a woman named Marjorie Simpson gave me a check for $50,000 to invest.  It turned out to not be enough for their endless greed. They even tried to get me to sign off on  "quiting" instead of being "fired" so they would not have to approve unemployment. I told them "I aint signing shit", you're gonna have to fire me"...so they did and I got unemployment. They were, by far, the most arrogant pricks on the face of the earth. I later learned that one of the most arrogant established Financial Planners in our office killed himself, his wife and child- it didn't surprise me. There were rumors that he owed the Russian mob big time and they did it to make it look like a murder-suicide.

Job 42 found me back in the food service industry with Food Supply of Daytona Beach,Fl. I lived in Jacksonville, Fl and worked the St.Augustine/Jacksonville territories. I did "cuttings" for chef's and restaurant owners- side by side comparisons of various food products and sold them on our name brand name lines- like Stanislaus fresh packed tomatoes. They were bright red in the can compared to Del Monte or the others. I fought and pleaded for pennies on the pound and made a small salary but little commission. The competition was fierce from Sysco and other wholesale food companies. There were typically 3 or 4 reps lined up waiting to make their pitch or show their product to the chef or restaurant owner. We smiled and chatted to each other yet secretly hated each other and wished the worst for them in our hearts..Oh, they guy from Beaver Street Fisheries got in a car accident...?...awwww...too frigging bad!!! No love loss there at all. My laptop was run over by a truck when I set it down next to the truck tire to talk with the head chef of Marker 32. I had tunnel vision staring at the crushed screen.. I opened up the Jacksonville, Fl market and Food Supply ships there to this day yet they let me go because they were so cheap. Maybe it's because the owners son got wind of me calling him a cheap tight bastard and could never get past it..  Maybe it was the laptop.


Job 43 was a magazine salesman to convenience stores in Jacksonville, Fl. It's well documented in my story "Mr Magazine Man" in this blog. Suffice to say it was a magazine sales job with all the regular titles and some pornographic ones. The 'regular' titles were about 5% of overall sales and the pornographic ones accounted for 95% of total sales. The manager of the Blue Front Store on Moncrief Rd. In Jacksonville, Fl. once remarked to me," Steve..they get the hit of crack for $2 and the girl for $2..why they buy the magazine for $5, Steve...why..?" I told him he had me on that one. Everyone was looking to save a buck.

 My 44th job was with TMG Solutions, a marketing arm of Epson Printers, working in a Comp USA, selling printers. I stood near the Epson Printers and demonstrated how great they were to customers in Comp USA. Job 45 was also through TMG setting up Microsoft displays in Costco and taking inventory of their sales. I reported all sales through the internet in 1999 when dial up was the only option.


Job 46 was with Fuelman, (Fleetcor Technologies) and lasted 6 1/2 years. This was a good gig and I finally started to make decent money. I opened up the Jacksonville, Daytona, Gainesville and Ocala markets, won several company awards and went on trips to New Orleans, San Diego and St Thomas. I did really well with them until they decided to 'go public', change the proprietary fuel access card into a credit card and fire all sales staff. I was number one in Florida and number three in the nation when I got the call...


Job number 47 was with Ricoh Business Solutions, in Jacksonville, Fl. This job occurred when gas prices went over $4 per gallon. I drove 90 miles a day to work and back, then did laps in and around Jacksonville to sell multifunction printer, copier- scanners, 'MFP's'. I was spending anywhere from $120- $140 a week on gas and driving my car into the ground. The manager, Brad, said I was the hardest working rep in the office but he had to fire me for lack of production - even though I had incremental sales. It was a churn and burn mentality. After being there for seven months, I was a veteran- most people came and went in a month or so- I saw a lot of them come and go. Brad was cool enough to make sure I got in over six months so I could collect unemployment- and to this day I can still get a good reference out of him - it just wasn't a good fit for me.


Job 48 was with the Money Pages out of Jax, Fl selling advertising in the Palm Coast market, where I lived. I hate advertising and I especially hate selling it- so it only lasted six months. The rent-to-own places like Z-Best are more like criminal prosecution entities. They spend more time having people arrested and appearing in court to take back rented furniture and appliances than they do selling it to them. Every month they placed a full page ad and treated me like a criminal when I begged them for their info before our deadline. I will sleep on a bamboo mat before I consider renting furniture from those people.


Job number 49 was with Galtronics US for two years and was the best one yet. I traveled to 16 states including Hawaii and the Province of Ontario, Canada demonstrating Energy Management Systems to Engineers and Utility Company Executives. It was all good. They had to shut down temporarily however I think I'll  be an independent contractor with them in the coming months.


Job number 50 is my current vocation as a business development consultant with a trucking company in Palm Coast, Florida - no comment until I see what happens with them.


At least I'm not collecting unemployment.

In the Interest of Political Correctness...

Black history month is upon us. God bless any group of people, whatever their color however I don't see a need to single out "Black" versus "Non Black" to honor for a 28 day time period every year.  Political correctness dictates that we just sit down, shut up and go along for the ride, I don't think so. In honor of Black History Month, I have created How to Not be a A Racist in Ten Easy Steps.


1. Blame yourself for all that ills society because you are white..or yellow...or brown,(or any other color).


2. Realize you suck because you are not black.

3. Worship all non white, (yellow, brown or any other color), people as superior.


4. Learn Ebonics.


5. Strongly believe in affirmative action, no matter what the cost.


6. Watch Oprah religiously and agree with her on everything.


7. Buy a home in the ghetto and refurbish it.


8. Believe OJ is innocent and the real killers are still out there.


9. Celebrate Kwanza.


10. Marry inter racially.


Congratulations! You are now not a racist!

Lost in Translation

Understanding what people really mean when attempting to communicate with them is important in order to know what they are really saying. The glossary below is a list of commonly heard phrases and their actual translations.


From a prospective employer - "How much do you need to pay your bills?'"
- translation- There is no opportunity here and even if there was, I would pay you less than your unemployment benefit.

"See you later" 
- translation - I have no intention of seeing you and if I do I'll probably repeat the same idiotic phrase.

"According to your policy" 
- translation- we won't cover it, we don't care and its not our fault that you are not well versed in the nuanced detail of our industry and how it works."


"Continuing education"
- translation- your "education" needs to be continued, therefore you really are a complete jackass and you definitely missed the boat the first time.


"Take the weekend and think about it" 
- translation- I am an arrogant SOB, I am telling you to do something to ruin your weekend and I really don't care what you think about.

"Diversity" 
- translation- one more thing to be held against you based on your race, creed or national origin.     

"Do you mind taking a survey when our call is finished?" -translation - Our customer service dept. is so bad that we figured we would make it even worse by wasting more of your time.

"How was your weekend?"
- translation - I am very uncomfortable with awkward silences and I dont want them to think I am too hungover to speak.

"We need you to complete this pre-employment psychological survey" 
- translation- Someone in our company read an article about the advantages of psychological screening in an airport then wasted obscene amounts of money on a generic psych test.


"We'll have to send that to the attorneys to look at" 
- translation - Tell the office manager to post a $5000 charge to accounts payable.   

"I'm a Christian"..(or a mormon, muslim,whatever)..(any organized religion as an introduction)...  
- translation- Do not trust me, I will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. I will also seek ways to drain you and your company of all available funds.

"Your 'age bracket' typically has higher premiums, declinations and paramed exams"
-translation- You are too old for coverage, if we do extend health coverage to you, it will be ungodly expensive and you must first submit to all manner of body fluid screens and invasive medical examinations. You will probably be declined.

"Can we have a copy of your presentation, it was the best one ever!" -translation- We want to steal your ideas to use on our company website and make sure we dont compensate you for it.

"Baby on board"
-translation- I like visual obstructions in my rear window and I will hold my kid hostage for my lack of driving skills.  

"Unlimited income opportunity"
-translation- Not only will you not make any money with us, we will charge you to work here.

"We pay you mileage and a car allowance" 
-translation- This job will bury you in your car. 

"Congratulations on your home loan modification!"
-translation- Thank you for agreeing to a $35,000 deferred balance that you cant pay off until you sell the home!

"Special needs" 
-translation- Retarded.  

"We will debit your account on the 24th" 
-translation- We will take the money out of your account on the 23rd, either during the day or at midnight, know one knows, it's a mystery...

"I'm thinking about playing guitar on a street corner" -translation- Damn, I can't believe I'm this broke.

"This might be a little unpleasant" 
-translation- It's gonna hurt like hell

"Back to school"
-translation- Thank God these kids finally have somewhere to go and something to do


"Both candidates sound the same"
-translation- they are.


"Have a nice day"
-translation- Everyone knows you don't mean it.

2012 Predictions

1. The economy will continue to stall and sputter, unemployment (officially) will increase to 11.25%, unofficially, it will remain above 22%, (accounting for all underemployed, those that just gave up and those that have run out of benefits and are off the grid).


2. War with Iran by the fall. This will be conducted through drone attacks and other high tech weaponry to prevent 'boots on the ground'.


3. Average price of gasoline will settle around $5.25 per gallon.


4. Packers win the Superbowl.


5. Food prices contiune to escalate, essentially doubling what they are today, December 31st, 2011.


6. Electric cars are realized as an epic fail and a push towards hybrids is seen as a viable solution.


7. The federal government continues its nanny state tactics by instituting TSA checkpoints and security gates in football arenas and other public spaces.


8. The banking takeover will continue as banks further restrict lending and look to confiscate more property nationwide. Banks begin merging with Wal Mart and other retail outlets and push for an escalation of the cashless society.


8. The concept of aerial drone surveillance is 'sold' to the American public as a 'safety' issue and good for our overall welfare. Major cities begin to draw up plans to have 24/7 drone surveillance.


9. Food stamp issuance will increase by 20%, bringing the number of food stamp recipients to 80 million nationwide.


10. High Speed Internet connection in the home will begin providing all media, displacing cable and satellite service.


11. Smart phones get less expensive and more purchases are made with them further escalating the cashless society.


12. Having more than $500 cash on you at any time is seen as suspicious and can be grounds for a warrant less search of your vehicle or premises.


13. Books will continue being replaced with electronic media.


14. The unemployed will begin to be seen as a 'sub-class' of people and the federal and state government will begin to require mandatory work camps and and administrative duties to aid the bankrupt municipalities and states. Downsized government workers get replaced with the unemployed at a fraction of their pay. This is hailed as 'progress' to keep the cities and states from going completely insolvent.


15. Vehicle registration fees, property taxes, licensing - all double to make up for the shortfall.


16.  More retailers and grocery stores go under and we have less choice about where to shop.


17. Depression, anxiety and mental illness all increase exponentially- making it a boom for the pharmaceutical industry however a complete bust for the health of the American public.


18. People will travel less, (already evident in the last 10 years). No one can afford to go anywhere.


19. Having a good job will be seen as an upper class entitlement - they will be rare and the competition for them will be fierce.


20. The dollar will continue to plummet in value. Income less than $50,000 a year for a family of 4 will be seen as poverty level.


21. Alcohol sales will skyrocket. Gambling will increase. The lottery business as well as any form of gambling will increase.


22. Health insurance will be more difficult to qualify for. Underwriting requirements will tighten and cheaper, HMO type plans will be offered in a herding mentality and sold as a way to "get the health benefits you need at a price you can afford". These plans will not cover much, there will be limitations for certain illnesses, waiting and exclusionary periods and limited networks. The uneducated public will glom on to these plans and feel good about 'having health insurance'- all the while unaware of the plans limitations.


23. People with the ability to do so will leave the country. Retirees will opt for Belize, Mexico or the Philippines. Businesses will also continue to leave from fear of the corporate tax and all other manner of taxation and regulation. It will become too expensive to do business in the United States.


24. The federal govt will begin scanning your laptop and personal data devices at airports- this will be a precursor to same type searches by the police when pulled over or questioned. Information gleaned from these searches will be complied in central data banks to be held against you when applying for health, life or property insurance.


25. IVP 6 - the "internet of things" is already in existence and will be officially rolled out in 2012. Everything will have a computer chip in it, most will not even be visible. This will allow your trash to be scanned- already being done in Cleveland Ohio- and all items accounted for and downloaded to create predictive behavior algorithms assigned to your person, address and family. This information about you and your family will be third partied to the corporate world for risk assessment, advertising and all other manner of potential corporate gain at your expense.


26. Everything you buy on a credit or debit card is already being downloaded and saved to create a 'profile' about you and your habits. Cable and satellite companies have been doing this for years and the trend is to increase the surveillance of their customer base. All of this data will be merged with the above example and sold to the highest bidder.


27. Key card locks will be introduced as 'safer' than traditional keys. These key cards will operate much the same as a credit card although they will time date stamp all of your comings and goings and, as above, eventually end up in the hands of the highest bidder. These records (and the above) will all be seen as admissible in a court of law- opening up a whole new venue for attorneys to further exasperate their already outrageous fees.


28. Prison overcrowding will become such a problem that violent felons will be early released creating a new crime wave.


29. The constitutional nature of our government will be further eroded with more 'super committees' and the like and Congress and the Senate will be seen essentially as sycophants for the superclass of corporate leaders who will dictate how this country rolls into the future.


30. Happy New Year!

"I'll be home (with In Laws) for Christmas..."

(Set to the rythym of 'I'll Be Home For Christmas')


I'll - be home- with - In---Laws...
Home with them to stay...


I'l - be - with -mis-e-rable in lawwws....
If only it wasn't please staaaayyyy


They can take their draaa-maa..take it far awayyyyy...
They can take their draaa-maaa..please take it- a-way- todayyy,,,


Leave your ign- ro-rant -state---ments..
Leave them - at - the - doooorrr...


When your mouth is moving - its- pain - ful...
You - are - worse- then - a borrrrre...


You're - making me want to drink more...
I reall-y dont- want- to....


If - you - dont- leave - I'll get --drunk...
And my next morning - is - screwed.....


So please now - leave - us -quiclky...
Leave - i beg - of thee...


Please now leave us quick - ly
Take- your dra-ma- and -post haste cease....

How to Buy a Car With Less Than Perfect Credit

Buying a car doesn't have to be a miserable experience. It has been for me however I learned how to deal with lying, duplicitous and soulless car dealers and offer the following as a public service to those with little or no credit who must purchase a vehicle.


The first obvious thing to be aware of is how much can you afford per month and what type of car, (new or used) , do you think you want. New/used is a category I'll assign to vehicles with very little mileage on them that are 1 -2 years old or even less than a year old. 


Begin your search based solely on price and mileage. Don't even consider what type of car it is - it doesn't matter. Allow yourself a price range say $3500 - $12000. This will bring you a lot of options from autotrader.com, craigslist or the like. Look only at vehicles from a dealer, they retain a shred of liability when you drive it of the lot. Start realizing what body styles and features you are comfortable with and find a new/used vehicle that might suit your needs. Remember that this is a process  takes 1-2 weeks, if you're lucky. 


When you find the new/used vehicle with acceptable pricing print out the 'deal' that you saw on the internet and take it to the dealer. Walk in and portray fake enthusiasm about the vehicle. Take it for a test drive. Sit down with the sales rep and let them run your credit. Play up the trade in value of your car. Let them get excited at the prospect of a 'sale'.  Your intention here is to bait them into thinking that you are buying today, you just gotta get financed. You have no intention of buying anything today. They will eagerly scurry around and get you over to the finance manager to review your 'options'.  The finance manager will act as you are a steak dinner to be consumed. Play along. His first 'offer' will be the most insulting thing to your intelligence you will probably ever see. Steady yourself. Tell him that the $454 or the $380 payment just won't do and you were thinking more along the lines of $325. He will hem and haw and show you more insulting, bogus, interest rate rape numbers. Now, you sit back, put your hands behind your head and tell him"..you know I really like that car..I just have to get my payment lower, whats my interest rate on these scenarios?" He will stare at you like you have three eyes. When the finance raper reluctantly shows you 14.25%, 13.9% and 12.9% - tell him - no way...can you do it near at least 7 or 8%?  Remember- he thinks he has a sale! He will furrow his brow and act like a spoiled little bitch however he is now working hard to get the 'deal'.  He might even get up and walk back to his little desk...let him, he's probably 100 lbs overweight and needs the exercise. He will eventually come back and say , Ok, I think we can do 8.9%.  You then say "..wait a minute- let me call my wife.." Of course the wife's response is "no way, no how, not for that car". You then feign embarrassment and ask him to put the contingent 8.9% in writing, or at least get a copy of it and leave. You now have evidence of what percentage rate these shifty, greedy scum of the earth dealers will be able to give you when pressed. 


Now its time to find the car you want. Going with a Japanese or Korean model will probably give you the highest dollar value. Look for dealers that are at least 50 miles from your home- you'll see why later.
Try to find a same year as present or one year old vehicle, under warranty that they have not yet sold  and will need to get rid of because the new models arrive. If you live on a coast, look at dealers that are further inland - they are usually in economically depressed areas and will negotiate better with you. Plus, they are less stressed and more relaxed. You will probably find a car that is the only one on the lot that is a 'loss leader'  at $3-4000 under MSRP. Go for that car if you're OK with the features, body style, etc.  Print out the deal from the internet and go to look at that car only. The best case scenario is that it is new, under warranty yet discounted to move and attract people to the dealership. It can also be new and a year old, its still 'new'. Test drive the car. Complain about it. Ask why upgraded features are not in it. Set a tone of general disagreement with everything they say. Never agree with them about anything.  Refer back to the internet 'deal' that you have now presented to them. Look for a similar car with upgrades already on it for near the same price. Keep quoting the price you have in your hand. Stick to it and don't waver. Watch them scramble like rats in a sewer. Eventually you will settle either on the original car or something similar. 


Now the fun begins! Set aside at least a half a day or more for the dealership circus from hell. The 'sales agent', i.e. lying son of a bitch, will do his little dance for you then hand you off to the finance thief.  The finance thief will repeat the scenario from above and you will sign off on a high interest loan with little or no reservation, (all part of the plan). Take the car home. Remember - 'home' is at least 50 miles away. You just drove a 'new' car off the lot. Instant 20% decrease in value. Now that new car will have over 100 miles on it when you bring it back. It aint 'new' anymore!! Hold the car overnight , then call the scum bag dealer the next morning at 9am sharp. Tell him there is no way you can own this car at the rate you signed on, sound pissed and tell him you are bringing it back RIGHT NOW, unless you give me 8.9%. Tell him "Ford was going to finance me for $1200 more than this amount at 8.9% and I will just go over there..."  Listen for the stuttering, stammering crook throw up objections like his life depended on it. He will say"...just give me till lunch and I'll make some calls.." Hang up forcibly. The finance grifter will call you back in less than an hour and match that percentage rate. He will now be kissing your ass seven ways from Sunday and will promise you it will only take five minutes to change the paperwork. 


When you arrive at the gates of hell dealership look upset. Make them get you coffee. Tell them you haven't slept all night, your wife threw the keys at you and you might get divorced over it. Let there be no room for these cockroaches to squirm through. Watch them sweat, they deserve it. Go over the new contract in painstaking detail. Make the hapless fool re-explain everything to you. Ask for a better rate, make them show you the credit denials and explain to you further why you have to be killed with interest. Finally, reluctantly sign the new contract. Walk out of the pit of hell slowly and look angered. Watch them get out of your way. Count the number of times they call you 'sir' and look down upon them. They deserve every insulting leer and every haughty eyed stare you can give them - they know they are in the nether regions of human existence - treat them as such. If they offer a post buyer satisfaction survey - take it and shred them beyond recognition. Let them know your pain and how cruel they are to humanity at large..Let them know what a negative impact they have on society and how deeply wrong their business practices are. Take the next step and accuse them of financial terrorism and let them know that you will be reporting them to the State and the Better Business Bureau for the miserable experience that you had to endure. It's the right thing to do. They deserve nothing less...


Car dealerships, used car lots, bad car deals, dishonest dealerships, high interest rate auto loans, auto loans, dealer problems, bait and switch, bogus rebates, illegal car selling activities

Smart Phone Slavery

Why are we so dependent upon electronic devices, specifically 'smart phones'? How many people do you actually speak to during the day? How do you feel when you forget your smart phone after leaving home? Do you feel naked? Insecure? Lacking?


Therein lies the problem. We have been tricked to think that we need these devices.The most common response is "..what if it's an emergency!.." Well, what did people do in 1976 if there was an emergency? Did they say "..oh shit..the smart phone hasn't been invented yet...we are lost!" Or did they deal with it by actually speaking to someone and handling the situation? First it was the cell phone. It became indispensable to our lives through creative marketing and slick gadgetry. Then it was the smart phone. It is perceived to be indispensable and the phone portion of it is only secondary! Metro PCS smart phones have horrible signal...yet they have all the web browser capability of a laptop. I have seen the I Phone not provide clear signal when a five year old Motorola Sliver on a pay as you go card worked fine...The average cost of a smart phone under contract can be over $3,000 per year when apps, insurance, carrying cases, etc are added in. A pay- as -you- go unlimited talk and text 'regular' phone costs $50 a month.


Marketing and Apps have been the key to the smart phones. As these useless features increase, the smart phone becomes less of a phone and more of a needless toy. Texting is a great way to communicate however 90 % of all texts are probably unnecessary. "Hey - where u at" ..."Hey - I don't give a shit- stop texting me.." Unnecessary texting..completely useless.  The useless texting has increased exponentially among the 18 -24 year old set. Watch any given teenager. Chances are they are needlessly texting their location and actions at the moment. The action is more centered around using a device than communicating any relevant information.  They are becoming expert typists on small devices however they are losing the ability to speak. Try talking to them. Or anyone, for that matter that is engrossed in their texting and their apps. You will notice a lack of attention span and a constant glancing to the device...worried about their next text. It is a monumental distraction to real human communication and has lessened our ability to converse. I have seen a family of four at a restaurant on a Friday night all staring at their smart phones and not saying a word to each other. The glow of the phones reflecting off their faces...each in their own little world designed to isolate them from reality. 


The smart phone revolution is actually changing our consciousness and how we assemble the world around us. I have worked with and seen people focusing so much of their attention on their smart phones that it would make them appear as indispensable to their lives. We need smart phone withdrawal programs. People need to be helped away from this dangerous idol. The masses are being conditioned to think that if they are not in constant contact, relating every aspect of every second of their day, uploading it to Facebook and knowing every detail of every "friend"- then something is wrong. This is becoming a shift in our human consciousness. As I write this, there are co-workers in my office talking about smart phones and their benefits and draw backs. They do not know I am writing this... 


If the smart phone progression is taken to its logical conclusion it will affect the evolution of our species. Imagine 100,000 years from now...Our thumbs are now elongated to twice their normal length. Our vision has become much more accurate for detail at close range...Our ability to speak has dwindled down to audible grunts and groans..Our attention span for human interaction is less than a minute. We no longer trust our gut instinct or have basic survival skills- unless the smart phone tells us to...


Who needs or wants a second by second update to everyone and everything in the universe? What a boring and drab existence that would be..No more mystery about anything..no more excitement of the possible..Everything is known immediately and put in a box before you have time for the experience. People are already commenting on things that you wanted to do or see, before you can do or see them. You can feel let down before you even  have the chance at the experience!  All because some mindless bastard texted you his 'take' on it...Or texted someone else you who told someone that knows you..


Away with these monstrous devices! They are stealing our souls and making us glad for it! They are mortgaging us into a hive mind of the collective. Our natural abilities as human beings are being digitized away in a sweeping tyranny of mind numbing attachment to external devices. Use a phone, trash the smart phone, reclaim your human identity, don't let them turn you into a cyborg!


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